Would you date a man who didn't eat any vegetables?

[Callcat]

Just that really!

No.

@Georgyporky

Date? Probably.

Marry? I'd never marry a fussy eater unless he was prepared to cook his own meals - whether vegan, veggie or any other form of self-imposed restricted diet.

I don't see vegans or veggies as fussy at all. They'd be much easier to cater for than a man who doesn't like an type of veg.

@Callcat

Wow! Wasn't expecting so many replies! Will read through them all shortly, only read first two pages which confirms my thinking that said man is jeopardising his chance at relationships because of ridiculously unhealthy / limited food choices. It's not a good reason, he just 'doesn't like vegetables' and has a gym bro attitude of meat and eggs is all I need. I think he's being a big baby and I wouldn't date him for this reason alone! He seemed surprised.

Sounds like he's on course for a heart attack. He must get pretty smelly to as he's basically on the Atkins diet the is he?

It's not childish to not eat veg, it's simply a preference and is very often sensory related

Are adults entitled to have all their preferences met all the time ? Particularly if detrimental to their health ? It is self indulgent, unhealthy nonsense. Intersting all the posters describing AFRID without ASC the jury is very much out on this - most psychologists in the field think AFRID probrably is part of the autism spectrum. I wouldn't knowling date someone with ASC or another eating disorder either. Nor someone who had a significant mental health disorder, substance misuse or a heavy drinker. I would want to date an adult who took responsibility for their own mental and physical health, this would be especially important as I near 50.

Nope. I went to dinner at my boyfriends mums house when we were 17 and she said how he ate his veggies when I was around. Even at 17 I could see it was one of many signs that he was a spoilt child.

DH doesn't eat many vegetables, and can't say it's ever really affected my life in any way! I cook exactly the same for us all, veg and all, and if he doesn't want to eat it then fine, he will make himself something else later. But generally he will just eat the bits he wants to and leave the bits he doesn't. And he will cook vegetables for us too. He never passes comment on it, calls it yuck or anything - that I wouldn't stand for! But just not liking stuff in a non-dramatic manner, can't say it's ever really been a consideration 🤷‍♀️

@Callcat

Wow! Wasn't expecting so many replies! Will read through them all shortly, only read first two pages which confirms my thinking that said man is jeopardising his chance at relationships because of ridiculously unhealthy / limited food choices. It's not a good reason, he just 'doesn't like vegetables' and has a gym bro attitude of meat and eggs is all I need. I think he's being a big baby and I wouldn't date him for this reason alone! He seemed surprised.

I think if something isn’t important to you, some people will assume it’s not important to others. Food is a huge part of my life and of course DH is a part of this food adventure too. We regularly host and attend dinner parties, travel to different cities to try tasting menus or a special chef’s food etc. I couldn’t be with anyone who didn’t find all that as exciting as me!

No for me it about refusal of a whole food group. People with many medical conditions still manage to eat some vegetables (hidden or otherwise). Food refusal is something else and something I would choose to avoid in a partner. In my house you eat what you are served or you don't eat. My DC have a very healthy relationship with food. I wouldn't want to raise someone else's adult child.

@Sprucewillis

No for me it about refusal of a whole food group. People with many medical conditions still manage to eat some vegetables (hidden or otherwise). Food refusal is something else and something I would choose to avoid in a partner. In my house you eat what you are served or you don't eat. My DC have a very healthy relationship with food. I wouldn't want to raise someone else's adult child.

You've been very fortunate, and so are your children, that they don't have any food issues which you would have had to deal with. You would have found very rapidly that 'eat this or there's nothing else' will not work with a child who really can't eat certain things because of the texture, smell or other sensory issues.

My son ate everything with enthusiasm when first introduced to solid food. I think things went wrong early in his toddler years when he started having recurrent chest infections and ended up with glue ear. He became a very fussy eater for years and years, although fortunately the things he would eat included a few vegetables and fruits. He was perfectly healthy once he outgrew the glue ear. I decided early on I wasn't going to have mealtimes turned into battlegrounds. I never made an issue of it. He ate what he was comfortable with, which was no big deal to me to keep in stock and prepare (pasta, chicken nuggets, peanut butter sandwiches mostly) and very slowly indeed he ended up eating other things too and by the time he came back from his first term at university he was eating just about everything. The day he said 'calamari is one of my favourite things, can I cook it for dinner' was a red letter day!

Meanwhile, his older sister, who is on the autistic spectrum (he isn't), would eat almost anything from the start and has become a very good cook. Just the way things fell out.

I watched the struggles two of my aunts had back in the 1960s (so this isn't a new thing) with 'fussy eaters'. I don't know why those two cousins had these issues when their siblings didn't. My brother and I would eat anything and we were being given the same sort of food. My aunts were both good cooks, and so was my mum.

My husband was also a fussy eater as a child but his mother was not a good cook, so I can understand it there, as her food wasn't enticing. It's not been an issue in adult life.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

It's not childish to not eat veg, it's simply a preference and is very often sensory related

Are adults entitled to have all their preferences met all the time ? Particularly if detrimental to their health ? It is self indulgent, unhealthy nonsense. Intersting all the posters describing AFRID without ASC the jury is very much out on this - most psychologists in the field think AFRID probrably is part of the autism spectrum. I wouldn't knowling date someone with ASC or another eating disorder either. Nor someone who had a significant mental health disorder, substance misuse or a heavy drinker. I would want to date an adult who took responsibility for their own mental and physical health, this would be especially important as I near 50.

Obviously who you date is entirely up to you but to call someone with ARFID self indulgent and to assume the don't care about their health is incorrect.

While ARFID is often a result of ASD it's not always the case. It can be due to an incident in childhood that wasn't addressed at the time. It's a phobia of food.... do you consider all phobias self indulgent?

Also, a restricted diet doesn't necessarily mean an unhealthy diet. Obviously, in the OPs case a complete absence of veg might be an issue but not all people with ARFID are unhealthy.

Having married a man who barely eats any veg (but will eat things like spaghetti Bol/chilli/tomato based curry, doesn't eat salad and no fruit I have very much educated DD to not follow the same path when the time comes for a relationship. Food compatibility is more important than many people would think and actually it's something you learn pretty quickly about someone so easy to throw them back before being too invested unlike other possible incompatibilities which don't manifest themselves until further down the line when harder to walk away.

I would yes so long as he hated pasta or anything pasta in return.
The only veg I cook are those steam pack ones anyway.

Yes I would, it wouldn't affect my life in any way, some people just dont like vegetables, not a huge lover of them myself

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g Thank you. Having IBS myself and DC with food allergies food is an important thing in our household. I think there is a vast difference between someone who can't eat some veg for sensor or other reasons and someone who won't eat any. Not many people can't each some veg.

It's the won't eat any veg that I take issue with. It's a personal choice. I have enough other issues to deal with so again no I wouldn't date an adult male who chose not to eat any veg.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

It's not childish to not eat veg, it's simply a preference and is very often sensory related

Are adults entitled to have all their preferences met all the time ? Particularly if detrimental to their health ? It is self indulgent, unhealthy nonsense. Intersting all the posters describing AFRID without ASC the jury is very much out on this - most psychologists in the field think AFRID probrably is part of the autism spectrum. I wouldn't knowling date someone with ASC or another eating disorder either. Nor someone who had a significant mental health disorder, substance misuse or a heavy drinker. I would want to date an adult who took responsibility for their own mental and physical health, this would be especially important as I near 50.

Adults are entitled to choose for themselves which of their preferences to indulge. That's the definition of what being an adult is, in fact.

I did once when I was much younger. He was an abusive arsehole but that’s obviously nothing to do with his diet (maybe?!). He mostly lived off cereal.

I once dated a man who only ate breaded chicken.

It was one of the dealbreakers. I couldn’t carry on with someone like that.

Sorry should have been clear AFRID is a clinical diagnosis, for which there should be support and/ or treatment. A preference for not eating any vegetables is self indulgent and unhealthy.

I think I would. It's difficult to dislike all veg, eg, a pepper is very different from a sprout in both taste and texture, so there's maybe more to it if an adult chooses not to eat any vegetables at all.

As a teen, DH hardly ate vegetables. No salad and couldn't tell a cabbage from a cauliflower! He didn't eat mushrooms, onions or tomatoes, or anything with them in. He now loves veg. He was raised as a fussy eater, when he really wasn't. When he tried them he found he liked them.

I ate everything, but developed food phobias which restricted my diet. I would just say I didn't like 'it' so I came across as fussy, rather than admit to an eating problem. Although, DH was hugely frustrated when I limited my diet, even knowing it was a MH issues, so that's not easy either.

@Neurodiversitydoctor

Sorry should have been clear AFRID is a clinical diagnosis, for which there should be support and/ or treatment. A preference for not eating any vegetables is self indulgent and unhealthy.

Self indulgent and unhealthy! Ha!

Self indulgence is something we're all allowed, and should allow ourselves. Do you really think that people should eat things they don't like to eat, because someone else prefers it? You think they should indulge someone else's preferences instead of their own?

I don't eat veg and have a clear health check. Regular marathon runner. Not eating veg isn't a health tragedy. It is if you live on ice cream instead, but that's not necessarily what we're talking about her.

This is the most incredibly judgemental thread. You'd think this bloke wanted to eat babies or something!

@Susu49 Not really. I mean I think people should eat what ever they want too. There are many nuanced reasons why you would choose to date or not date a person. They are all very personal and don't make you prejudiced against any particular thing. It's fair to say it's just not what you are into. I like food and cooking so would choose to be with someone with a similar attitude. I would avoid people who loved other things I didn't. Isn't it part of selection? Surely there's someone out there for everybody if they are looking?

@Susu49

This is the most incredibly judgemental thread. You'd think this bloke wanted to eat babies or something!

I don’t think so.

My ex boyfriends diet of only cheap, breaded chicken was a big part of the reason I need things because it limited what we could do.

It was embarrassing that he refused to go to friends houses to eat, or if he did, they would make him his own plate of beige food or he would just sit there and not eat at all.

It was embarrassing taking him to a wedding when he would just sit at the meal eating nothing.

It was limiting to me that the only place he would eat out at was nando’s.

It made us too different.

*ended, not needed

@Sprucewillis

What you're saying isn't the same as what some PPs are saying though. Absolutely it's the right thing that everybody is attracted to different things and has the right to rule anybody out for any or no reason.

But lots of pps are saying that if someone doesn't eat veg, they are childish/selfish etc. That's not on.

It's not a good reason, he just 'doesn't like vegetables' and has a gym bro attitude of meat and eggs is all I need

Humans can get very nearly everything they need from meat, nourishment-wise. We're pretty misled when it comes to what a healthy diet is. It's certainly not the 'NHS eatwell plate', which is, at best a 'keep your current level of body fat' diet, and not something to aim for for the majority of us.