What do you wish you'd been told pre kids?

[breakdown19]

I was chatting about this today with a friend and were saying how little ante natal classes prepared us.
Eg no one told me giving birth vaginally that actually you poo the baby out, at least that is how it felt to me.

It sounds mental but I didn't understand how LONG labour can last. I kind of thought it was twinge-contraction-push-baby. And I did antenatal classes and still got a serious shock with my first when labour started Thurs and she wasnt born until Monday!

Not to have them :p

Kidding. Mine are currently driving me insane the after school hectic stresses and arguments. I need a bit of time to think.

I wish I was told that everyone is different and not be expected to feel a certain way. I also wish I was told to enjoy it more and not worry about him getting dirty etc. Just basically to have more fun. I also seem to have hundreds of photos of him with everyone else but hardly any with me. I'm working on that lol

That my partner would be fucking useless at pretty much everything and I'd be better off starting a family with someone else.

That newborn babies can sleep too much and its a sign something is wrong.

That your midlife will abandon you for 45 mins while you get stitched up after forceps and you won't hold your baby for over an hour after birth as she had to have a canulla fitted because there is something called strep B. Actually why aren't we told about strep B?

That breastfeeding can be painful and depressing. Nobody ever mentioned it may not be plain sailing.

Also that 7 years after giving birth you have to spend every weekend stood in the cold on the sidelines of a football pitch. 😡

That they'd turn into teenagers.

And that when they talk about a baby feeding every 2/3 hours that doesn't mean a quick 5 minute feed and then they go straight back to sleep. No - it means they feed for however, long, you then try and settle them back to sleep and are probably just dropping back off yourself when they wake for the next feed.

That you will worry about your children every day for the rest of your life.

The fourth trimester. It would have been good to know that my baby would want to be glued to me 24/7 for the first few months.

@TUGGY2006

I wish I was told that everyone is different and not be expected to feel a certain way. I also wish I was told to enjoy it more and not worry about him getting dirty etc. Just basically to have more fun. I also seem to have hundreds of photos of him with everyone else but hardly any with me. I'm working on that lol

Oh completely Hardly any photos at all of me

1. everybody has an opinion on how you raise your dc. And it's usually directly related to how they did it. Variation on what they did is seen as you thinking they did it wrong.

1. nobody talks to you about anything but the pregnancy when you are pregnant. You cease to exist outside of your pregnancy.

1. childcare is insanely priced. As it should be (of course we want well qualified people who care about their job), but it's mad to see the costs and quantify them against your own income. Imo any organisation over a certain size should have to provide a creche on site as a nominal cost to it's employees.

@onemouseplace

That they'd turn into teenagers.

And that when they talk about a baby feeding every 2/3 hours that doesn't mean a quick 5 minute feed and then they go straight back to sleep. No - it means they feed for however, long, you then try and settle them back to sleep and are probably just dropping back off yourself when they wake for the next feed.

😂I didn't think about childcare to go back to work because I had read they sleep a lot 😱🤪😂

@mooseyem

That your midlife will abandon you for 45 mins while you get stitched up after forceps and you won't hold your baby for over an hour after birth as she had to have a canulla fitted because there is something called strep B. Actually why aren't we told about strep B?

I am sorry this happened to you

I don't know why we aren't told about strep b -other developed countries test as standard

I tested for dc1 and was
Positive but didn't for the others

@BluTangClan

That my partner would be fucking useless at pretty much everything and I'd be better off starting a family with someone else.

Interesting you've said this. My NDN is a walking MN cliché. Does fuck all house work, does little to nothing with his daughter from previous relationship every other weekend (also not seen her for a while). Spends all weekend doing outing hobby. The baby is due in two weeks. Do I warn her? It's like a car crash in slow motion TBH.

I really do think they should teach women the signs for how to spot a man that'll be a burden rather than a support, or violent, or a headfuck. Deadbeat dad classes. Pre-pregnancy.

It'd save women and children no end of bother.

That humans evolved to rear children in close family groups. Not 2 parents without any family support. I had no idea how important this was. I would've made different choices about where to live, if I had recognised how fundamental it would be. In our case, this need for many, reliable family members has been brought into sharper focus because DD1 is autistic.

Echoing another poster, from the minute they're born, a whole new world of worry will crash down on you.

I have one teen and a pre-teen and the worry is never ending. It's exhausting.

Actually in an antenatal class I'd like to have been told that
1, postnatal wards are hell, and you will get zero sleep and not enough food. Also don't expect any support from the night shift.
2, neonatal jaundice is a thing
3, mixed feeding is a viable option
4, babies do still need burping after breastfeeding

(or maybe we could teach young men that fatherhood is the absolute most important job there is, and that the first six months of a baby's life are the biggest test he'll face - he will really need to step up and prove himself as a man)
Why doesn't society value fatherhood like it should?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

1. everybody has an opinion on how you raise your dc. And it's usually directly related to how they did it. Variation on what they did is seen as you thinking they did it wrong.

1. nobody talks to you about anything but the pregnancy when you are pregnant. You cease to exist outside of your pregnancy.

1. childcare is insanely priced. As it should be (of course we want well qualified people who care about their job), but it's mad to see the costs and quantify them against your own income. Imo any organisation over a certain size should have to provide a creche on site as a nominal cost to it's employees.

No. 1 in particular is spot on. Especially relevant with the grandparents who were given completely different guidance.

That it can have lasting consequences to ur body. Though I suppose if they told everyone women that no one would have kids.
I only had one as the effects of the pregnancy and giving birth are still with me. And still awful.

Everyone bangs on about the smell of new babies. I asked my midwife if my baby was defective as her smell was so vile. Turns out that was the smell everyone means. Thankfully she grew out of that and then smelt perfectly nice.

That you will always worry about them even in adulthood.
I hate the term they're always your baby; they are not. However, they are my son and daughter and the love and concern for them never stops.
Then grandchildren have come on the scene and there's more love and wonderful times but because of all the love, you worry about them two.

@Imsittinginthekitchensink

Everyone bangs on about the smell of new babies. I asked my midwife if my baby was defective as her smell was so vile. Turns out that was the smell everyone means. Thankfully she grew out of that and then smelt perfectly nice.

Yes! I couldn’t stand the ‘newborn’ smell either.