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Original poster

What do you wish you'd been told pre kids?

107 replies

breakdown19 · 01/02/2022 15:40

I was chatting about this today with a friend and were saying how little ante natal classes prepared us.
Eg no one told me giving birth vaginally that actually you poo the baby out, at least that is how it felt to me.

OP posts:
BluTangClan · 01/02/2022 20:42

Buy 2 copies of their school photos, do you don't have to argue over them when you get divorced.

Original poster
breakdown19 · 02/02/2022 19:57

@ilovebagpuss

You think it will be like a National Trust advert all holding hands and kicking leaves 🍁 it won’t. There will be a bit of that and moments of perfect happiness but mostly it’s hard in every way and you do need to put them first for at least 18 years probably for ever really. The older years are still full of sleepless nights with worries and troubles popping up. There will be all manner of things you desperately search mumsnet for help on as there is no one else to ask. Thank you mumsnet for 15 years of advice so far.
Love this Wasn't expecting so many answers
OP posts:
Paranoidandroidmarvin · 03/02/2022 17:51

Worrying. No one ever told me how much worrying would take over my life. From the second I got pregnant even now and my son is 18.

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Hlglu56 · 03/02/2022 18:15

That you will need help and support. I would never have moved away and started a family if I had known how hard it was being so far from my own family and support network.

BlueThursday · 03/02/2022 18:18

Just how little help you get in post natal ward.

I was cathetered up, just out from general anaesthetic with my baby choking on fluid and not one came to help despite all 7 mothers pushing their buttons and shouting on my behalf

I did get a bit of a taking to later on for bleeding on the floor….

2anddone · 03/02/2022 18:30

That no matter how tired you think you are pre-children that's NOTHING compared to newborn/toddler/preteen/teen tired that you are about to feel!!

Also each stage isn't easier than the last it just brings different challenges!!

Paranoidandroidmarvin · 03/02/2022 20:01

@BlueThursday my awful time in hospital was one of the reasons I only had one child. I was ripped from one end to another. Catheter ( which they left in to long and has caused me problems and I asked for help and pain killers multiple times and got nothing. No pain killers. I couldn’t wait to leave. The care I received was awful.

Fallagain · 03/02/2022 20:11

Some children are just rubbish sleepers. Both your children will be in this category.

Changedmane · 03/02/2022 20:35

How much work it is
To sort out your mental health before kids because you will need to be the adult who sorts everything out and has their shit together all the time
That you actually have about 12 years before they turn into teenagers who might be lovely but the togetherness and great family times take a back seat - so really cherish those times
That your child (although they have their own personality) will forever be affected and influenced by your behaviour and to set a good example if you can.
That you can do everything right but that doesn’t guarantee anything.

bellsbuss · 03/02/2022 20:43

That you don't know what tiredness is until you have a baby, that going for a wee after giving birth stings like hell, going for a poo after giving birth is scary. You don't get a minutes peace unless they are asleep, at around age 2 if you give them the wrong cup, spoon etc it can cause world war 3. The list is endless but I wouldn't be without mine.

BiscuitLover3678 · 03/02/2022 20:49

How awful the hospital experience is. How it can go on forever and ever. How it feels different for everyone.

Tongue ties!! And they are not taken seriously by the nhs. One of the reasons we have such trouble breastfeeding.

That with babies under 6 months they can scream and no one will ever know what’s wrong with them. The gp will literally go “wet nappies? Feeding?” Then go 🤷🏻‍♀️ People really don’t know what’s going on with newborns.

BiscuitLover3678 · 03/02/2022 20:51

Anything you had an issue with before will get so much worse. Your mental health will take a KICKING.

Basically having kids is so illogical. But I love mine. 😭

And yes to clusterfeeding and they don’t always sleep at all?

romdowa · 03/02/2022 20:53

I wish I'd been told about how useless gps are with issues like cmpa and reflux and how they will just fob you off saying that it's colic and that it's normal for a newborn to scream for 16 hours a day🙄🙄 I also think every new mother needs to be told to trust their instincts. If you feel something isn't right then don't be afraid to kick up a stink or seek another opinion.

Adatwistscientist · 03/02/2022 20:55

That you will never go out again if you don't have family to help out. Even if your child does ever go to sleep, baby sitters arent actually a thing so you will never to go to the theatre or cinema or a nice meal out without kids for at least 10 years. You will never be alone with just your DH unless you count the evenings when you work and he falls asleep on the sofa.

Mol1628 · 03/02/2022 20:57

You’re having a person. Not a baby.

Piggyk2 · 03/02/2022 21:07

Not to over think having baby no2 once your child is 4 (didn't happen for me) just have the one DC now.

Kate3150 · 03/02/2022 21:12

That I should have taken one of Fatboy Slims songs more seriously…..
“Eat, Sleep, Rave, Repeat” 😂

AliceW89 · 03/02/2022 21:14

Space. Both physically, but more mentally, will become fleeting and very difficult to fully relax into and enjoy. The exponential increase in mental load when DC are added in has knocked me sideways.

MargosKaftan · 03/02/2022 21:21

@Adatwistscientist

That you will never go out again if you don't have family to help out. Even if your child does ever go to sleep, baby sitters arent actually a thing so you will never to go to the theatre or cinema or a nice meal out without kids for at least 10 years. You will never be alone with just your DH unless you count the evenings when you work and he falls asleep on the sofa.
But babysitters are a thing - due to one side of the family living in another country and the side not being all that keen on looking after my dcs, we've paid for a lot of care. It does mean you have to budget more for a night out though.

And no one tells you that prep for a night out now isn't just doing your hair and make up or sorting out what to wear, but scrubbing the house so its "guest clean" for the babysitter.

Queenie6655 · 03/02/2022 21:23

@Avarua

I really do think they should teach women the signs for how to spot a man that'll be a burden rather than a support, or violent, or a headfuck. Deadbeat dad classes. Pre-pregnancy.

It'd save women and children no end of bother.

Yes 100 per cent
Pyriah · 03/02/2022 21:31

You need to be stick thin. Every inch you lose before getting pregnant means your maximum size at full term will be one inch less. I didn’t know this, I had a 34 inch waist when I got pregnant so I got loads of stretch marks and my stomach is ruined. I keep thinking if I’d had a 28 inch waist to start with I’d have stretched six inches less and it would have saved my skin.

Refrosty · 03/02/2022 21:34

@Fallagain

Some children are just rubbish sleepers. Both your children will be in this category.
I'll have some of this pre kids, thanks!
ExhaustedMumma · 03/02/2022 21:38

That you really should look deeply at your own childhood,
and make peace with how it was. Otherwise you risk repeating the worst bits and being triggered by your own DCs behaviour. Wow, I did not expect the complexity of emotions that would come to the fore.

Also, that after years of infertility and miscarriages, the baby is not the ‘fix’ and all the pain and sadness and trauma will remain as part of you, even with the happy ending you’d hoped for. It still needs an outlet and to be acknowledged, but parenting after loss/infertility can be a weird place between worlds.

Ragwort · 03/02/2022 21:42

ADat - not sure what you mean by 'babysitters aren't a thing*, we never had family locally so had to find babysitters...the other thing we did was do 'swaps' with other families .. fortunately my DS was very easy going and would go for sleepovers with my friend and I had her DC for sleepovers - worked well.

tpmumtobe · 03/02/2022 21:45

@Fetchthevet

That you will worry about your children every day for the rest of your life.
This, definitely.

You are only as happy as your least happy child.

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