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Original poster

Would you allow your teenager a day off school for no real reason you can fathom?

110 replies

PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:02

He's not a school refuser and has relatively decent attendance at 99%. He's doing ok, bit lazy, doesn't like doing homework but no issues

He's sent me a message asking if he could please have a day off tomorrow. Says he's got a lot on his mind and would appreciate a day to decompress and feel better. I suspect this is more to do with his (online, in France) girlfriend who's been having some issues but he won't admit to that one

He doesn't have mental health issues and he's happy as Larry usually - but I'm torn

My husband says don't set a precedent, send him to school and tell him it's a no. I'm softer and he's not asked me before and I'm keen to keep his mental health robust

So - what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:02

Oh and he's 15.

OP posts:
jamaisjedors · 30/01/2022 22:03

Sent you a message? ConfusedGet him to come and talk to you and then you can get to the bottom of it and decide what would be helpful.

HollowTalk · 30/01/2022 22:03

No, I wouldn't let him take the day off. He'll finish school before 4 o'clock, won't he? He can talk to her then.

accidentlygothereagain · 30/01/2022 22:04

I'd probably allow it, but make sure he knows that this is a one off. Him asking shows he must trust you.

Iamthewombat · 30/01/2022 22:04

I’m with your husband. Your son is a child. He doesn’t get to choose to swerve school because he doesn’t feel like it. Give in once and that’s it.

DrMadelineMaxwell · 30/01/2022 22:05

Dh's answer would be that they've just had the weekend off, if our DC asked that question.

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:05

Yes he sent me a message .

Probably because he knew he wouldn't be able to convince me face to face! There's nothing in that btw , it's not something to be picked up on. We talk loads

OP posts:
Bacardi101 · 30/01/2022 22:05

I’m a bit of softie but I’d 100% keep him home, can you do something together and have some 1 on 1 time? It’s lovely he’s been able to ask you and mental health is so so important.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 30/01/2022 22:06

In this situation I've generally said yes - they've never taken the piss.

DockOTheBay · 30/01/2022 22:06

I probably would to be honest, if its not a regular thing. Reinforce that you're trusting him and he shouldn't take that for granted.

SparklingLime · 30/01/2022 22:06

Oh bless him. With an attendance record of 99%, I’d say yes. Emphasise that it’s a one off (as people don’t usually get extra days off to “decompress”!).

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:06

@Bacardi101 I am a softy and I know it! Didn't have any of this with my 23 year old DD - and now? Feel I can't move for mental health stuff and - if I'm honest - I worry deep down about him following the path of so so many kids he's friends with who are all anxious / depressed / self harming etc

He's doing none of the above. And I do want to keep it like that!

OP posts:
RedCandyApple · 30/01/2022 22:07

Yes I would

thefirstmrsrochester · 30/01/2022 22:08

After the shitstorm the last 2 years have been for young people, I’d allow the day off. One day won’t have a big difference to his education.

cormorantes · 30/01/2022 22:08

Nope, not on the basis of that message. Maybe (but very unlikely) if there is something else going on and he can explain why he needs to miss school.

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:08

Also a concern that he may think ' ooh great! Maybe I'll ask for Thursday off! Or a day in April!' Etc etc

Honestly my mother wouldn't have had a bit of this Grin

OP posts:
lololololollll · 30/01/2022 22:09

Yes, follow your gut. 1 day isn't taking the piss. If it continues then that's another matter. He asked you instead of playing truant so he's a good kid I reckon

AlexaShutUp · 30/01/2022 22:09

I would want to talk to him about it to find out what was really going on, but depending on the reasons, I might let him.

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 30/01/2022 22:09

My reply is affected by the fact that the various schools my kids have been to have allowed mental health days, so it's not affected their attendance or anything, and it's reinforced the message that mental health is important.

Moretodo · 30/01/2022 22:09

I used to let DD have the odd day off for MH.
Same kind of situation you describe with first love etc.
I said I didn't think it was a good idea, and if her grades dropped we would have to have to reconsider but I left it up to her.
I think she may have been 16 at the time.
It all worked out well.

Interestingly, her boyfriend was also a very high achiever, his parents authoritarian and he barely scraped through gcse's in the end.

I think if you trust him, let him take the day to decompress.

ThiagoSilvasToe · 30/01/2022 22:09

I would. Everyone needs a mental health day every once in a while.

brightgreenapple · 30/01/2022 22:10

I would

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:11

@cormorantes can't explain. Says he knows he's not been applying himself very well at school and feels he needs a day to decompress. And err support his 'girlfriend' as she's having issues

He's a big softy too and I feel that's closer to the truth tbh.

I want to be hard on him and tell him not to be ridiculous. But I've tried super hard to keep him intact mentally over lockdown years and he's generally a happy normal teen

OP posts:
SparklingLime · 30/01/2022 22:11

@DrMadelineMaxwell

Dh's answer would be that they've just had the weekend off, if our DC asked that question.
But OP wasn’t asking for any DHs’ answers.
MilduraS · 30/01/2022 22:11

I would but tell him it's a one-off. It's sweet that he was honest enough to ask. At that age I was a nightmare for skipping school.

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