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Original poster

Would you allow your teenager a day off school for no real reason you can fathom?

110 replies

PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:02

He's not a school refuser and has relatively decent attendance at 99%. He's doing ok, bit lazy, doesn't like doing homework but no issues

He's sent me a message asking if he could please have a day off tomorrow. Says he's got a lot on his mind and would appreciate a day to decompress and feel better. I suspect this is more to do with his (online, in France) girlfriend who's been having some issues but he won't admit to that one

He doesn't have mental health issues and he's happy as Larry usually - but I'm torn

My husband says don't set a precedent, send him to school and tell him it's a no. I'm softer and he's not asked me before and I'm keen to keep his mental health robust

So - what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 22:53

Yeah I'm a soft touch that's for sure

He's said 'thanks mum, means a lot' and he has assured me it's a one off

And it bloody well is. I must be mad

OP posts:
Mistymoors · 30/01/2022 22:54

I have a son the same age with good attendance, if he asked I would let him have the day off . I agree it’s better than bunking off school however, make it clear it’s a one off !

LondonWolf · 30/01/2022 22:56

Yes I would and I have.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 22:59

In glad you said yes, OP. Sounds like you're raising a boy who'll grow up to be a good man Smile

Pieceofpurplesky · 30/01/2022 23:01

Is this a real life girlfriend? Has he met her? Have you?

I would (and have) let DA off for
Mental Health breaks when HE has needed time. I would not be sour if it was for someone else

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 23:01

@KurtWilde thanks. I've put a lot of my time into him as it's really important to me he's respectful to girls and is kind

I know I'm being mugged off a bit here but at least I'm aware of that fact 😀

Thank you for all your comments and food for thought.

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 30/01/2022 23:02

A sensible and hardworking teen who has good attendance overall then yes I would allow them a day off if they asked - however I’d want to talk to them not just a text saying can I have the day off.

I would worry about the girlfriend. I think teens getting too wrapped up in boyfriends/girlfriends to the point that their issues affect the teens everyday life isn’t great.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 23:03

Just think @PicklePied one day he'll have a real partner who knows she can rely on him to support her when she's struggling. All because you gave him this day to 'practice' for want of a better word.

Kanaloa · 30/01/2022 23:04

I think it’s really unhealthy too for a teen to be taking responsibility for another teen’s mental health, trying to ‘bring them up’ and being on call for them constantly etc. It’s not healthy for the one with mental health issues and it’s not healthy for the one supposedly supporting them.

Summerfun54321 · 30/01/2022 23:07

Many adults take the odd duvet day now and again if their mental health calls for it. But I doubt many adults take days off of work because their other half who lives abroad is having issues. I’d let him have the day off but use the opportunity to talk to him about what makes a healthy relationship.

Fillybuster · 30/01/2022 23:08

Hey OP,
I can see you've already said yes - wanted to let you know I 100% would do the same. But I'd also make clear it's not a repeat occurrence! And (& I suspect you'll be doing the same) I'd be keeping a close eye on ds, and lines of communication super open, to make sure that the issues his gf is experiencing don't start becoming too much of a strain on his own MH. It's lovely that he wants to support her, but he's only young, and she probably needs to depend on her family more than her teen bf! Sending love and hope all goes well xx

lovelychops · 30/01/2022 23:09

I think your son sounds lovely and caring and I would have agreed too.
I'm sure you're a great parent and keeping an eye on the relationship with his GF. All the comments about her being needy and relying on him too much are a bit over the top. That's what teens are like! Plus it's good she's got a friend when it sounds like she's having a hard time.

Notanewusertool · 30/01/2022 23:10

My Mum let me do this and it was the right choice (I still got great A-levels etc) because it meant I could trust her to have my back. There were some conditions - I was made to promise that I knew i could talk to her if there was anything serious afoot & I had to be clear that it was a one off and the next time would be a no.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 30/01/2022 23:11

Has he ever met this girl?

It sounds like a very emotionally unhealthy relationship and I'm not sure I'd be encouraging it, tbh.

Soontobe60 · 30/01/2022 23:12

[quote PicklePied]@cormorantes can't explain. Says he knows he's not been applying himself very well at school and feels he needs a day to decompress. And err support his 'girlfriend' as she's having issues

He's a big softy too and I feel that's closer to the truth tbh.

I want to be hard on him and tell him not to be ridiculous. But I've tried super hard to keep him intact mentally over lockdown years and he's generally a happy normal teen [/quote]
Why does he need a day to decompress? He’s had the weekend! Also, at 15, he’s far too young to be getting so emotionally involved with someone so much that it’s affecting his schooling. It’s nearly half term - tell him he can decompress then.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 23:14

@Soontobe60 OP has already agreed to his request.

flatpack1 · 30/01/2022 23:15

@FabulouslyFab

I allowed my children - now all responsible hard working adults with good jobs - a duvet day once every half term when they were teenagers. It gave them a bit of control over their lives.
I did too. I realised there were times when everyone just needs some down time. We talked about it then and still do. I think its an important part of life and my DCs have taken this on board with their DCs.
Mrbob · 30/01/2022 23:16

Yes I would. I was that teenager and performed better overall when I was allowed a break every so often. I really appreciated it and it improved my results not worsened them. You can’t expect people to manage self care but ignore them when they ask for help

Supersimkin2 · 30/01/2022 23:18

No. Cos supporting his GF in a teen drama at the expense of functioning is not good for either of them.

Original poster
PicklePied · 30/01/2022 23:22

Well I've agreed it now and I've got to have some faith in that decision I think

In an ideal world, I'd lay down the law. This is an online girl and they play Xbox together along with other friends. He has real life friends btw thats he's grown up with - he's not reliant on her

In fact, he feels the pressure I know. I want nothing more than to ban him from talking to her.

But then what? It goes underground? I don't get kept in the loop? What's the right path to take?

Raising teens in this day and age with all this bloody internet stuff is hard. And anyone with a teen will probably agree

OP posts:
Lady1576 · 30/01/2022 23:29

Don’t feel too mugged off OP. To be honest, if she were a girl at his school, he could spend the whole day ‘supporting’ her too and be totally distracted from work. I agree with op who said that lots of teenagers are like this. I remember hanging on the telephone for hours ‘counselling’ each other and if they were friends at school we’d be doing the same thing, break, lunch and during lessons if we could get away with it. Whilst it’s something to keep an eye on, as pp have said, and it could be that he’s taking on too much pressure to fix her, it could just be teens taking life very seriously as they have always done.

runningoutofnewnames · 30/01/2022 23:34

Raising teens in this day and age with all this bloody internet stuff is hard. And anyone with a teen will probably agree

I have a teen, and I definitely agree.

FridayiminlovewithRobertSmith · 30/01/2022 23:39

I would if I trusted my child and sometimes did as a teen myself. Really didn’t do me any harm academically or socially and was sometimes a bit of a “reset” that I needed.

FoamyBanana · 30/01/2022 23:41

Yes, I would allow it. I have always told my teens that they can take a mental health day if they need one. They have both taken a day off before, I think only once for my son and a couple of times for my daughter over the past few years. The sky didn't fall in, they still have excellent attendance, they still realise the importance of their education.

I want them to talk to me about how they feel and to be honest if they are struggling, and I want them to know the world doesn't end if you need to take a minute for yourself now and again.

KurtWilde · 30/01/2022 23:43

I want them to talk to me about how they feel and to be honest if they are struggling, and I want them to know the world doesn't end if you need to take a minute for yourself now and again.

This is how I am with my DC.