What did Mumsnet do to you?

[ThanksMN]

(Lighthearted)

What have you learned from mumsnet - good and bad?

I came here all wide-eyed and innocent with good intentions, responding to every single @ because not doing so would be like ignoring someone when they say something to you irl; standing up for random posters on threads when someone's having a go at them; replying 'you're welcome' to every 'thank you' because that's what I do irl; thinking everyone cared; feeling so shaky and scared whenever someone responded to me in the typical aggressive/disagreeable MN way, etc.

• Now, after spending yeeeaarsss on and off mn, I have to say I now have nerves of steel! So that's a positive!

• I no longer do all the others as much because I notice most people don't at all and I'm a weirdo!

• I've taken up gossiping...but only online!

• I'm now highly aware that everyone hates everything and people judge you in secret irl.

• I came here saying full words like husband, child, son, daughter, etc then felt I was being too formal and "pretentious" when everyone used DH, DD, DS, etc. I started using the acronyms here and I'm now learning that a lot of posters find them cringy. I'm not sure if to go back or continue.

• To put "lighthearted" on threads or face the wrath of the gods!

What has MN done to you?

@nocoolnamesleft

I naively thought the need for feminism was nearly dead. My eyes have been opened.

Me too. I saw myself as more of an egalitarian than a feminist. I now appreciate the need for feminism that centres women and girls and campaigns for their rights.

Mumsnet also made me realise how strongly we’re conditioned to “be kind”, to the point that many of us actually feel guilty for having boundaries. And very often, it isn’t men who are guilt-tripping us for setting those boundaries. It’s other women .

The relationships board has taught me a lot about abusive and dysfunctional relationships and why women stay in them. I’ve become familiar with “the script” followed by cheaters. I’ve learned a bit about the Family Court and how it often fails to protect children from an abusive/vindictive parent. There are so many heart-breaking threads on these topics.

I’ve also learned that on a controversial AIBU thread, someone always lets their imagination run away with them and puts two and two together to make 85. And feels very pleased with themselves for “realising what’s really going on”.

I’ve never started an AIBU thread and never will, having seen many reasonable posters be torn to shreds by a mob which is inexplicably furious.

My sofa bench thread is now 4 pages long- apparently having a combined living/dining area with a sofa bench/dining table and a projector instead of a tv is extremely shocking and an uncomfortable way to live !:) I have had a poster asking me if I had more money and more space, would I buy a sofa and a TV? You would think I was saying I didn't have a bed or electricity!

At the same time, I have been called privileged for spending £35 for a dress and having the ability to save £70k over the course of 3 years to buy a London flat so I conclude that I am both privileged and underprivileged in the eyes of Mumsnet! Who knew...

Saved my sanity when I lost my son.

@endofthelinefinally
Saved my sanity when I lost my son.

Kept me awake.

@endofthelinefinally

Saved my sanity when I lost my son.

I agree with every word @Cattenberg wrote. (My tablet does not let me quote)

MN is a fascinating place - such a range of people and views (and some quirky ones, lol). I have learned interesting stuff and laughed and cried, all in one go quite often.
What worries me, genuinely, is how clear it is that no matter how much they fuck up this country, there are still people who will vote Tory - I find that mind boggling!
On the other hand, people here can be so helpful and supportive - I wish I had reached out when my husband cheated.
And some posters here are bloody hilarious!

Mumsnet introduced me to feminism & a whole new world.

@onlychildhamster

My sofa bench thread is now 4 pages long- apparently having a combined living/dining area with a sofa bench/dining table and a projector instead of a tv is extremely shocking and an uncomfortable way to live !:) I have had a poster asking me if I had more money and more space, would I buy a sofa and a TV? You would think I was saying I didn't have a bed or electricity!

At the same time, I have been called privileged for spending £35 for a dress and having the ability to save £70k over the course of 3 years to buy a London flat so I conclude that I am both privileged and underprivileged in the eyes of Mumsnet! Who knew...

To be fair, not having a sofa is really odd!

I've gotten some good life hacks from it and cleaning tips, and been relieved that other people had the same everyday issues as me. Ive found fab books for the kids, cool games for the family and for kids parties and basked in the warmth of the pets section. I've also laughed a lot. I like it a lot more now, I think because I've changed what I come here for, I used to live solely for aibu which can be a minefield if you have boys ... and cats!!!

Oh and sorry, have to mention was so grateful for the beauty and skincare section when the loveliest people acknowledged that if you have rosacea the treatments they point you towards in pharmacies generally make it worse. I know nobody in real life with it and was so lost. I got tons of useful tips here!!!

- I'm now highly aware that everyone hates everything and people judge you in secret irl.

That is just the Internet where it is easy to be black and white and express strong opinions with no cost. See also Twitter. A lot of people are just venting.

In RL relationships are more complicated, people can feel many conflicting things simultaneously and we have to deal with real flawed human beings.

It gave me invaluable support when DS was born - both from a practical and emotional perspective. I'll always be grateful for those first few months!

It's validated how I've felt during my separation and divorce from ExDH.

It's provided entertainment.

It's helped me find my voice and express opinions I wouldn't necessarily say in real life.

It's taught me so much about feminism to the point where I feel educated enough to vocalise it and take action (albeit in very small ways) in real life.

That some people's lives are a lot flipping worse than mine.
That some people are down right snobs about the most ridiculous things.
That some people think the UK is just SE England and don't recognise Wales or Scotland.
That there are genuinely people who have never left the house since covid hit
That some people have terrible taste in clothes (Boden, Cos, Toast etc) and more money than sense.
That I am probably the only person on here who doesn't have a cleaner and never had a spa day.

Gave me friends for life after joining one of the ‘babies due in….’ Threads

@CorrBlimeyGG

MN made me seek out ways to be more supportive of the trans community. Seeing so much hate and negative stereotyping was sobering. I know from conversations with others that I'm not alone in this.

100% this

Just that when you're having a weird, isolating and stressful experience - a jaundiced baby, a psychotic partner, a demented parent, THREE demented parents, bereavement, GCSEs - lots of other people have had or are having it too.

That you don't know what anyone's story is from a snapshot of their lives, or even becoming friends later in life.

That people will do things like send random presents to strangers and knit cosy and extraordinarily beautiful blankets for total strangers who've been bereaved.

That an argument can start in an empty room.

That you can learn how to clean. Not that I have. But it's a skill, not a mysterious process that is beyond me.

It's made me a frightful snob. Which is awkward when I'm working class, fat and earn a below average salary!

Me too. I saw myself as more of an egalitarian than a feminist. I now appreciate the need for feminism that centres women and girls and campaigns for their rights.

YY. MN showed me how powerful female solidarity and resistance are. As encapsulated by many women's refusal to be told what to do by male people and women who put male feelings first over the trans debate, against our own interests. No site represents that better than Mumsnet.

Also taught me more respect for older women.

That women's rights, safety and dignity matter.

I learned that you can use scissors to cut up pizza instead of a pizza cutter, and the wrath of Jupiter will not descend upon you.

It's changed my life!

For me one of the highlights of MN is the humour. I've been following two threads very recently on Chat and both of which have made me laugh til I cried (How Broken Are You? and Best Ever Typos). Also a long time ago, the thread where a lady said she wouldn't leave her washing out overnight in case it got "darked on".

But nothing comes close to the support women give each other in times of need. Recently I have been going through an extremely difficult time and posted about it on MN. I was expecting a 'nest of vipers' but received nothing but message after message of support and handholding - people reaching out to me at all times of the day and night and quite honestly it's the only thing which has been getting me through this time in my life. I will always be grateful for that.

I also love the diversity on MN and the richness of others' life experiences which they draw on and use to enrich, educate or support other people's lives. Whether you are going through the total horror of domestic abuse or have a screaming baby at 3am, you feel like a failure in some way or you just want advice on a certain area you're considering moving to (or just want to talk about what to have for dinner), MN will be there to help out.

I've seen moving threads, tedious threads, pointless threads and threads which have made me howl with laughter. I can't think of anywhere else online you'd get that on one site.

The support people on certain boards show each other too - pregnancy, conception, mental health and childcare but to name a few is very very humbling indeed.

I stay the hell away from AIBU though!

Helped develop my hatred for the word ‘hubby’.

Seriously though, it opened my eyes up to how a range of people think and their expectations, positive and negative about relationships, parenting, career, what is or isn’t acceptable in others. Some of the predominant views have surprised me, others have depressed me, further ones have been great to see.

The range of humour, knowledge and support has been lovely to see many times.

I agree with Squiff, the women on MN are really really funny.

And supportive. I went through terrible times many years ago and the SN Section was incredibly supportive to me.