What did Mumsnet do to you?

[ThanksMN]

(Lighthearted)

What have you learned from mumsnet - good and bad?

I came here all wide-eyed and innocent with good intentions, responding to every single @ because not doing so would be like ignoring someone when they say something to you irl; standing up for random posters on threads when someone's having a go at them; replying 'you're welcome' to every 'thank you' because that's what I do irl; thinking everyone cared; feeling so shaky and scared whenever someone responded to me in the typical aggressive/disagreeable MN way, etc.

• Now, after spending yeeeaarsss on and off mn, I have to say I now have nerves of steel! So that's a positive!

• I no longer do all the others as much because I notice most people don't at all and I'm a weirdo!

• I've taken up gossiping...but only online!

• I'm now highly aware that everyone hates everything and people judge you in secret irl.

• I came here saying full words like husband, child, son, daughter, etc then felt I was being too formal and "pretentious" when everyone used DH, DD, DS, etc. I started using the acronyms here and I'm now learning that a lot of posters find them cringy. I'm not sure if to go back or continue.

• To put "lighthearted" on threads or face the wrath of the gods!

What has MN done to you?

I learned about feminism.

MN helped me pass my driving test as a nervous adult learner.

MN also kept me sane through a truly awful house buying process.

I've learned about good skincare and the fact it doesn't need to cost the earth.

MN has also made me much tougher in my relationship expectations. I love my husband but am not afraid to be alone if something were to go wrong!

Good: helped me through my autism diagnosis as I was at a really low point mentally.

Bad: made me realise how much prejudice autistic people face and that MNHQ genuinely do not give a shit about the ableism we face on here.

@BiscuitLover3678
I assume you are surprised I didn't have a bathroom bin before Mumsnet, rather than the confidence to discuss BJ's gaslighting?

No, I didn't have a bin. We never had one at home when I was growing up, and I haven't had one in any of the 6 houses I have had as an adult. Never occurred to me.

But now I have one in each bathroom. I still don't use them, but my guests will (apparently) no longer be judging me for my slovenly habits.

It made me realise how incredibly hard life can be for some, and how lucky I am.

I judge much less now when I see people out and about as I know I have no clue what is going on that life.

Same here, especially if I see "badly behaved" children. I don't just assume they are badly behaved.

I have learned a lot about autism, but still feel that I know nothing. I have had loads of good advice, especially when DD was being bullied at school. I find the higher education threads very supportive. I am horrified at the number of women trapped in abusive relationships.

The most interesting thread was about a year ago about being an orthodox Jew.

And the most eye opening ones are the wedding threads. I can't believe just how many bride(zillas) get so wrapped up with their wedding that they end up pissing half of their guests off. The unnecessary fripperies and expense for not just the wedding, but expensive hen and stag dos is just alien to me. And I have never been invited to a child free wedding (as far as I know)

A lot of the subject-specific support or interest threads are nothing but positive, supportive and informative. Learned a lot.

Baby Names is weirdly divisive. Some people must just stalk the board, waiting to pounce on a hyphenated name. Made sure I didn’t care what others think when we named any of our children, as people dislike names for the most bizarre reasons.

Affirmed my assumption that some people think there is a ‘right/sensible’ way to live. Not morally, but practically. Parts of MN seem to think that having children under 30/renting/not having a SIPP/not going to uni (etc) is all terribly reckless

I was however pleasantly surprised to learn that we’re not the only ones to not always answer our door so I’m one of those odd ones of MN.

I've learnt to say 'no' to a friend. She didn't like it (went apeshit actually ) but it's been liberating and I no longer have to open her War And Peace messages every day.

[quote Scarby9]@BiscuitLover3678
I assume you are surprised I didn't have a bathroom bin before Mumsnet, rather than the confidence to discuss BJ's gaslighting?

No, I didn't have a bin. We never had one at home when I was growing up, and I haven't had one in any of the 6 houses I have had as an adult. Never occurred to me.

But now I have one in each bathroom. I still don't use them, but my guests will (apparently) no longer be judging me for my slovenly habits.[/quote]
Where do the sanitary products go? Funny how everyone does it differently!

Where do the sanitary products go?

I'm too old for them

I am more gender critical and concerned about the erosion of women's rights, particularly to single-sex spaces.

I have had so many belly laughs, many mumsnetters are hilarious and some threads have had me crying with laughter.

MN taught me to take charge of my finances, invest in stocks and shares and take an interest in my pension.

As a poster above said, if I want a recommendation on something I'll often google it and add Mumsnet to my search to see what other MNers have said on the matter.

@CorrBlimeyGG

MN made me seek out ways to be more supportive of the trans community. Seeing so much hate and negative stereotyping was sobering. I know from conversations with others that I'm not alone in this.

Same here.

@BiscuitLover3678
No sanitary products required anymore here either.
In my youth the tampons went down the loo (I knew no better).
In latter years any rubbish (which really would largely be sanitary products for me and my family - no wipes, cotton buds or anything disposable used) is carried to the outside bins or bedroom bin. Always was.

PS. My parents don't have a kitchen bin either.
They use a mixing bowl to collect rubbish during food prep then carry everything to the outside bins.

How to use egg white to calm down nappy rash.

Participating in the Christmas thread bargains and buying the kids loads of unnecessary tat.

Moon cups were a game changer.

The dog threads and coronovirus threads are a bit militant and nuts. Same as the Brexit threads.

Feminism. I was of the be kind type once, but not any more after the relentless attacks on safeguards for women and children.

@CorrBlimeyGG

MN made me seek out ways to be more supportive of the trans community. Seeing so much hate and negative stereotyping was sobering. I know from conversations with others that I'm not alone in this.

Thanks.

MN made me appreciate my friends and family a lot more as posters on here can be pretty savage.

Some Posters were truly vile when I first came on MN around 15 years ago so I left for a while but it's much better now. Although there are some unusual opinions at times which are nothing like those of anyone I know

I think it made me understand that actually, I don't have to take all the crap. And if I decide to accept it, I can see it for what it is and understand my reasons for going along with it.

It made me realise how much TRAs actively and viciously hate women and why the femphobia, misogyny and abuse of women must stop, that women must support women's safe spaces.

@corblimeyGG
MN made me seek out ways to be more supportive of the trans community. Seeing so much hate and negative stereotyping was sobering. I know from conversations with others that I'm not alone in this.

Me too

I genuinely believed anyone saying they were transitioning would be fully transitioning. I wore rainbow things for work events. Then MN highlighted the truth. It's so eye opening, once you see it you can't go back to blissful ignorance.

Bad - the TRA / MRA who hate women.

I love read about other cultures on here, eye opening to get a different perspective.

I hate the mud slinging when people have nothing constructive to say, but consequently- I've learnt to ignore so nits actually a good thing.

@CorrBlimeyGG

MN made me seek out ways to be more supportive of the trans community. Seeing so much hate and negative stereotyping was sobering. I know from conversations with others that I'm not alone in this.

It taught me about Autogynephilia (AGP). And that most men transitioning keep their penises.

And that some people (including women) hate other women so much that they think it is OK for a women in prison to share space with male rapists.

I live and work with men and really don't see anay women in my everyday life except my 82 year old mother. I moved away from my friends years ago and live in the countryside.
I came to Mumsnet to see what modern women are like and wat they think and talk about. I have been horribly disappointed by the pettiness, calling other women twats, saying things like " a dick move", laughable 1990s feminism, hypocrisy, Leftists censoring other people's language and views, and above all, women here being terribly bothered about their status in life, (particularly that their ego is based on their job) and what people think of them. It feels very 1980s.

Among all this though, there are some lovely women on here.

Taught me that posting in the wrong thread category is a crime! SORRY, WHAT IS YOUR AIBU?!

Helped me figure out loads of stuff and get advice on things that my rl friends can’t help with - insomnia medications, present recommendations, ADHD…the list is long.

Warmed my cold heart. I’ve loved seeing people be supported in their hard times and cheered on when they leave abusive marriages, etc. I particularly love the ‘worry minding’ thread and the regulars who ‘took my worries’ for the night so I could sleep when I was depressed.

Made me laugh until I cried many times. Two favourites were Balonz and the woman who did the prescriptive 90s style GM diet but broke the rules from the onset (I think she ate a pastry an hour in). ‘It said I could only eat bananas that day but I substituted it for brioche.’

Reduced the amount of fucks I give about what strangers think about me online. I used to be scared to post lest someone criticised me. I couldn’t give a toss now.

The diet thread, in case anyone needs a laugh: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4279410-I-m-trying-a-really-odd-diet-and-hope-it-works?pg=1