What did Mumsnet do to you?

[ThanksMN]

(Lighthearted)

What have you learned from mumsnet - good and bad?

I came here all wide-eyed and innocent with good intentions, responding to every single @ because not doing so would be like ignoring someone when they say something to you irl; standing up for random posters on threads when someone's having a go at them; replying 'you're welcome' to every 'thank you' because that's what I do irl; thinking everyone cared; feeling so shaky and scared whenever someone responded to me in the typical aggressive/disagreeable MN way, etc.

• Now, after spending yeeeaarsss on and off mn, I have to say I now have nerves of steel! So that's a positive!

• I no longer do all the others as much because I notice most people don't at all and I'm a weirdo!

• I've taken up gossiping...but only online!

• I'm now highly aware that everyone hates everything and people judge you in secret irl.

• I came here saying full words like husband, child, son, daughter, etc then felt I was being too formal and "pretentious" when everyone used DH, DD, DS, etc. I started using the acronyms here and I'm now learning that a lot of posters find them cringy. I'm not sure if to go back or continue.

• To put "lighthearted" on threads or face the wrath of the gods!

What has MN done to you?

I had no idea how diverse peoples viewpoints were. Or how strong peoples views on parenting or breastfeeding or attachment parenting. Mostly I just don't care. Other people seem to, very strongly. I don't seem to care about much and am quite middle minded about most things. Or how people won't be persuaded by facts and logic. I'm shocked at how stupid people are. I can't believe what low self esteem and anxiety so many posters have. I realised how judgemental and set in my ways I was. I didn't realise I was such a feminist until I read the Maya Forstater case, and then I realised I felt strongly that the trans movement was becoming too strong in schools, sometimes for children who were just ASD and probably just needed to accept that they are different and don't need the latest fad that is all the rage.

It taught me that people really don't like autistic people.

That pineapples grow on bushes I never really considered how they grew before I came here im guessing I assumed tree but pineapple bushes are funny looking things almost unbelievable until you see them then they make sense

I naively thought the need for feminism was nearly dead. My eyes have been opened.

I now ask work colleagues if I am being unreasonable. I call my family weird acronyms in my head that I struggle to correct before they leave my mouth. I have told husband I'm sick of him gaslighting me over something trivial. He didn't know what it meant.

That women can be there own worst enemy men seem to have this shit better organised

I have learned about feminism, autism, pregnancy and child birth, depression and anxiety, abusive relationships and everything. The English school system and how bloody complicated and expensive it is to buy a house in the UK. The fact that it's okay to be angry and upset for the childhood I had.

I started lurking as an 18 year old, not from UK, had just started to get to grips with British culture so this forum was an eye-opener. I double-checked what I learnt about culture, food, 'stereotypes' with my British friends and acquaintances throughout the years, because Mumsnet can be very supportive but also full of crap. And you don't want to base your knowledge of an entire country on what you read on MN.

At the same time, I've also learnt that some people can be utter twats online (and probably IRL too). I've learnt that sometimes it's better to say nothing at all than purposefully be rude to another person. I've learnt that many people are proud of their poor hygiene habits, of their poor diets, and of their excessive use of the AIBU acronym.

Oh, and that my firstborn will be named Balonz as is tradition, and that I should cancel the cheque.

Helped me understand how the trans debate is about more than "be kind", and that male rapists were (and still are!) being put into female prisons.

Good - SO MUCH about feminism. I am really really grateful and thankful to all those knowledgeable women who post so much good sense and information

Bad - I feel myself getting very snippy here sometimes and have had to step away. I find it difficult to sometimes understand that people can be so naive / absolute doormats and sometimes want to shout that they could very easily sort something out. I realise that isn’t very helpful though.

Made me buy a bathroom bin.

Use the term 'gaslighting' with confidence when discussing Boris Johnson.

@Scarby9

Made me buy a bathroom bin.

Use the term 'gaslighting' with confidence when discussing Boris Johnson.

WAIT. You didn’t have one before?

Someone on here commented on a thread about watching a TV series that they’d described to their friends as something along the lines of a soap mixed with a musical. It made me laugh and I’m loving the series, it’s right up my street. (It’s called My Crazy Ex Girlfriend btw).

It's not for the faint hearted is it?!

@Woofwoofbarkbark It really isn't - it's a training ground which I've hated and loved at different times. I can relate to what you've written.

I also agree with this part of @IKeptYouLikeAnOath post below.

I've learned debating skills.

In particular I've learned that you don't have to keep arguing back. You can just walk away, it really really doesn't matter if you win.

It's definitely helped my communication skills; to keep my composure and stay calm when in a heated discussion or arguing my point too.

Also that people have horrific relationships! And seem to think it’s normal.

I have learnt about feminism - not the fun 'well behaved women don't make history' feminism, proper feminism that actually centres women, and what that actually means. It's been great for me as I have got older and my eyes have been opened to the actual place of women in the world.

I have learnt about so many different viewpoints. I love that on any given thread, someone will post something and I will be like 'yes, totally agree with that' and then someone else will come along with a counter viewpoint and I will think 'oooh yes, good point, I hadn't thought about that'.

When any topic is in the news or on Twitter, I will often think 'I wonder what they are saying on MN about this'. And if I want to Google something (eg. I don't know, what is the best type of shower to get) I will always add 'Mumsnet' on the end of my Google search to see what has been said on here!

And then there has been all the advice on all things child rearing over the years too.

Mumsnet is actually a very unique place in that it is a place where hundreds of thousands of, almost exclusively, women get together and talk about everything! That very concept genuinely terrifies some people, and I think that's why MN gets a lot of shit.

It made me frightened to take my baby to a coffee shop in case he cried and people were angry and judgy. I was quite unwell in retrospect, and I should have steered well clear of a fair few threads at that time in my life.

Mind you, it’s also given me some really good laughs and I’ve dipped in and out of some really lovely long term threads where it feels like being in the company of friends.

It’s also made me question my own neurotypical-ness. I’m not about to seek a diagnosis yet because I just can’t quite see the point - but I don’t think I see the world quite as others do. And especially since DS received his diagnosis of ASD, I do wonder… whatever it is, it’s helped me to embrace my own - unusualness? Neurodivergency? I don’t know quite how to describe it!

Mumsnet has taught me that so many women accept the bare minimum in a partner, instead of realising that they deserve much more.

I am honestly addicted but I feel mumsnet just makes me feel a bit depressed at times. People can be quite judgmental. I need to learn how not to let it get to me.

Toilet brushes are the work of the devil. People either shower twice a day or twice a year. A lot of people earn six figure salaries. Living up north in England, is really grim unless it's Harrogate or Wilmslow.

There are trolls who post about pee and poo and periods.

Thank you Mumsnet, I am now too cynical for my own good.

It made me realise how incredibly hard life can be for some, and how lucky I am.

I judge much less now when I see people out and about as I know I have no clue what is going on that life.

Feminisim - I thought it was all sorted (am 50 plus)! Eye opening, and I am delighted with my continuing education.

The support that women offer and receive is wonderful. There is a lot of generosity.

Most of all I love the rough and tumble of the various threads, the endless variety of opinion, confidence, education and cultures.

In short, it reminded me that us women are great really!

Oh and robot vacuum, and how to teach dd times tables!

Made me realize just how much society, and parenting, has changed since my day (over 60 years ago).

Good thread OP.
I have learned not to post about subjects that are raising high emotions in oneself in AIBU.
And I use the acronyms in my real life job.
Feel a name change coming on..

I’ve made some fantastic real life friends on here.