Does anyone follow Deborah James? (AKA Bowel Babe)

[NoWigNoWit]

www.instagram.com/bowelbabe/p/CYr47RBoWRv/?utm_medium=share_sheet

I’ve been following her for a few years now and this is her latest update. She’s such an incredible and inspirational woman.

I don’t know her whatsoever but it’s made feel sad reading this and I have everything crossed for her she makes a speedy recovery.

(Not sure if this will link!)

I don't think DJ is breaking any taboos, tbh, as there's a much bleaker flip side to the coin she presents, and that's the real taboo.

Yup.

I think she’s brilliant and I do take inspiration from her attitude to life. However, it’s sadly extremely unlikely she’d still be with us if it wasn’t for private medical insurance - don’t kid yourselves people, the nhs would not do this for you. I have had 2 experiences with close family members who were denied the opportunity to prolong their lives because it wasn’t ‘value for money’. I will say again - she’s fab, but don’t expect anything like the same medical care unless you’re lucky enough to have private cover.

@Schnauzerwowzer - it's not about her 'showing off', I am completely indifferent to how anyone presents themselves or their physical health on social media and indeed, kudos to her for having the presence of mind and motivation to do so. It's simply, on a personal level, a painful reminder that had my friend had such treatment options she'd have had a longer life, and a less painful, traumatic and essentially under-resourced care pathway. I don't think DJ is breaking any taboos, tbh, as there's a much bleaker flip side to the coin she presents, and that's the real taboo.

swordfish I am very sorry for the loss of your friend. I also lost a friend of 30 years to cancer recently. I think DB absolutely has broken taboos. Up until recently, there was a reluctance to be open about bowel issues in general , and cancer related bowel issues in particular, and stomas. She is not the only one that has helped to change this attitude, but she has certainly contributed significantly to it. She has also helped with fund raising and has been vocal about cancer patients lack of access to face to face appointments and chemotherapy during Covid. I understand why everyone is upset about the lack of availability of NHS treatment but as someone who watched their friend die of cancer last year (which was diagnosed late because of Covid), I do not begrudge the fact that DB has been fortunate enough to access pioneering treatments and that her DC have had their mother for as long as they have.

I'm glad people such as @Floundery @SouthernFashionista have said what I've thought for a while. I feel sorry for anyone with cancer but she's rather too over confident for my liking.

@foxnet totally agree, I think she's great

As I said before I do think she is amazing. Aside from amazing care she has a lot of advantages to make her experience more comfortable - plenty of money so she hasn’t had to struggle financially, healthy children, a husband and what seems like fantastically supportive and hands on parents and siblings. But the bottom line is she is living with life limiting cancer 24/7 and trying to live her life as best she can. It might not be the way other people would do it but I can only admire her optimism and resilience when she knows the final outcome. In terms of the dancing and prancing about; I seriously doubt she was a wall flower pre cancer so why not try and put a smile on her own and other peoples faces

Wow what a thread. The NHS has its limits - if you want to be assured of the best care you have to go private which she has. No reason to resent her for it for goodness sake

This thread ... the poor woman is dying, she must be in terrible pain and fear at the thought of leaving her young kids behind and is obviously determined to leave them with memories of a laughing, vibrant wife and mother.

But oh no, she's just "rather too over-confident" for someone's liking and "weirdly self-obsessed". What an astonishing lack of empathy and compassion.

@lurkingfromhome- couldnt have put it better myself 👏🏻👏🏻

Disgusting comments on this thread. I'm sure she would give up every penny she has to be restored to good health and be able to see her children grow up.

Dying people can still be arseholes you know. You don’t suddenly become a saint.

Please. While I understand the importance of discussing and highlighting the difficulties in accessing cancer treatment, this thread is horrifically disrespectful to a woman who is going through the worst possible time.

To be discussing her care and her personality is appalling.

@trunktoes

Wow what a thread. The NHS has its limits - if you want to be assured of the best care you have to go private which she has. No reason to resent her for it for goodness sake

I don’t think anyone is resentful more just upset and angry that friends and family weren’t able to get access to the best treatment available.

DJ providing a view of what is available is nothing but a good thing - we should be aware of inequality - otherwise we wouldn’t know what needs to be changed.

@SouthernFashionista

Let’s not pretend she’s a saint. She’s making a fortune from her page, under the guise of ‘awareness’. Shameless self promotion I’d say. And not what I want to see as someone living with cancer - there have been days I could barely make it out of bed, never mind toss my hair seductively, pose half naked on the bed, and shimmy around in a mini dress. I don’t think that what she does gives me hope - more like a deep sense of inadequacy.

Your last sentence sums up what I was trying to say above much more succinctly - anyone not being up to behaving in the same way might very well feel inadequate and a failure.

To me it's very much along the lines of the fighting cancer vocabulary, those who die maybe just could have fought that little bit harder.

I can sort of see how someone might feel inadequate, or that they "should" be able to be like/look a certain way even with cancer but her blogs, vlogs and Instagram pages are surely all optional?
I feel inadequate (in other ways) if I look at other people's SM sometimes, and have limited who I see and what I follow.

@Gazelda

Please. While I understand the importance of discussing and highlighting the difficulties in accessing cancer treatment, this thread is horrifically disrespectful to a woman who is going through the worst possible time.

To be discussing her care and her personality is appalling.

She has over 350 thousand followers on Instagram - I don't think it's 'appalling' to he discussing her care.

Wow. Some of these comments shaming DB for wearing mini skirts, shimmying, or being photographed half naked would not be acceptable on any other part of Mumsnet so why here? DB is not an airhead. She was a serious gymnast, and then a very young headmistress of a primary school. She presumably has always been intelligent, energetic, ambitious and beautiful. Why the hell should she hide those sides of her personality because she has been unlucky enough to be struck down by a terminal disease she didn't want and at a much earlier age than most? Those of you who are calling her behaviour and appearance "inappropriate" are missing the point that she wants to challenge what is assumed to be appropriate for a young, beautiful, cancer patient. Would she or you be happier if she didn't wear make up and was wearing sack cloth and ashes do you think? If paying attention to her appearance is important to her (as she says it is) and gives her a boost then who are we to tut tut over it? She has discussed previously on her podcast how there are many days she can't get out of bed, and there are five minutes when she gets up and dressed, and she chooses to emphasise the positive, and you know what, that is her choice and her right. As it is your right to not follow her on Instagram.

And why the hell shouldn't she make money from sponsorship? She has always earned and I imagine it is satisfying to her that she could still do this while terminally ill. She has done lots of fund raising and awareness campaigning alongside it, so why not? Bravo to her I say.

@Schnauzerwowzer this obsession with her being beautiful, so what ! Being beautiful doesn't make you immune from cancer. I feel for her but this notion and shock horror that someone so attractive and beautiful should be struck down with this awful disease is ridiculous.

I have seen her interviewed a few times and she comes across as a lovely person. I kind of understand where the feelings of inadequacy come from - I followed a youtube channel of a mother with multiple sclerosis and she seemed so positive while I wanted to lie on the floor and cry because I couldn't zip my childs coat up. But like any social media its a snapshot of a day, thats all. She is incredibly brave yes but so is everyone dealing with something like this.

If I had a terminal illness and wanted to shimmy around in a dress I wouldn't give two shits what anyone thought

this notion and shock horror that someone so attractive and beautiful should be struck down with this awful disease is ridiculous

Not really. We humans have a complicated relationship with our own end, especially in this modern age. We are morbidly fascinated with premature death, the tragic terribleness of dying ‘before your time’, because modern advances have given most of us the chance to live to very advanced years.

Beauty is synonymous with youth, so it strongly plays into this dynamic.

@Schnauzerwowzer

Wow. Some of these comments shaming DB for wearing mini skirts, shimmying, or being photographed half naked would not be acceptable on any other part of Mumsnet so why here? DB is not an airhead. She was a serious gymnast, and then a very young headmistress of a primary school. She presumably has always been intelligent, energetic, ambitious and beautiful. Why the hell should she hide those sides of her personality because she has been unlucky enough to be struck down by a terminal disease she didn't want and at a much earlier age than most? Those of you who are calling her behaviour and appearance "inappropriate" are missing the point that she wants to challenge what is assumed to be appropriate for a young, beautiful, cancer patient. Would she or you be happier if she didn't wear make up and was wearing sack cloth and ashes do you think? If paying attention to her appearance is important to her (as she says it is) and gives her a boost then who are we to tut tut over it? She has discussed previously on her podcast how there are many days she can't get out of bed, and there are five minutes when she gets up and dressed, and she chooses to emphasise the positive, and you know what, that is her choice and her right. As it is your right to not follow her on Instagram.

Agree 100%. I think she’s fantastic. She has been very open saying that sometimes she’s only managed to do one thing that week. And if she got dressed up for it, good for her. I wish her the best.