Anyone else’s OH a pain thief? Feeling pissed off!

[AsYouWishButtercup]

I had surgery yesterday, was in and out in a day and a fairly small op but I’ve been sent away with pain killers, laxatives(it was bum related) and instructions to rest for 2-4 weeks - especially avoiding lifting, bending, over exertion etc.

DH and I have 2 kids (5 & 8) and I said to him before the operation that he would have to di everything round the house for the next month - all the cooking, cleaning, homework, washing, housework. We both work full time so usually good at doing 50/50 (ish) so he’d just have to step up to doing it all for a bit so I can recover properly.

Had the surgery yesterday, came home, got a takeaway and he said he would do the dishes and sort washing in the morning 🙄

I’m not too bad pain wise thanks to some cracking pain killers but have been instructed to rest, which is what I’ve done. Except DH decided this morning that he has The Worst Toothache in the World and has spent the day clutching his jaw and moaning in pain, putting his little boy lost voice on asking me to call the dentist, doing fuck all else and annoyingly, every time I wince in pain (such as standing up) he immediately seems to put his head in his hands and complain about his tooth

He’s only just cleaned the dishes from last night (whilst moaning about his pain the whole time), I’ve had to help 8yo with homework, take in the Asda delivery and be badgered by the kids. He made the kids a plate of chips each because he’s in too much pain apparently to make a proper tea, the wash basket is already full and the house is a tip. He’s spent most of the day lying in bed moaning about his pain.

Now I’m trying to be sympathetic because toothache is a painful bastard but I just think ‘ ‘ of course you have this crippling tooth ache when I’m in recovery. Couldn’t be any other time of the year!’. I also think I’ve had many an illness, including toothache, where I’ve just had to power through and get on with things, where he has the ‘luxury’ of being able to focus on his pain and lie in bed whingeing all day.

Is anyone else’s OH like this? It’s sending me nuts, at the risk of sounding like a brat, I just want for once for it to be about me!

I have made it clear that Everything is still down to him for the next month, I refuse to do more than bringing shopping in and homework, otherwise before I know it come the weekend everything will be 50/50 (well let’s face it 70/30 to me) again

OH, and his entire family, have competitive illness syndrome.

Is he like this everytime you’re ill/in pain?

Cos it sounds exhausting

He has form for this?

I hear you. Health is DP’s Achilles heel, it’s the one thing he worries about, but thankfully doesn’t bang on about it too much. However, if I have a migraine, or the subject of migraines arises, he will invariably comment that he never gets a headache, and how strange that is and on and on. That he is still walking the earth is a testament to my self-control. And yes, sometimes you just want your pain to be acknowledged and for there to be some ‘poor you‘s.

Ha, mine fucked off back to working away a week after I had surgery that left me with an immobilised arm because he was “stressed out” fucker. I had to get in with it with 3 kids, couldn’t drive, or use my arm at all for another few weeks and get myself to physio etc. Still can’t believe it

My daughter and I refer to it as ‘dads got the actuallys’

Dd I feel sick - dh oh actually!!

off to bed with you @AsYouWishButtercup

try out some moaning.

you dr told you to rest. you must rest to be able to recover properly.

The amount of times I’ve read bout men suffering stomach pains cos their wives do, to then look very sheepish because she says “you’re a fucking idiot. I have period cramps. Where about in your uterus does it hurt?”

@SilverPeacock

He has form for this?

Usually when we have the same bug, he’s got it 1000x worse. Was a right drama llama when we all had COVID even though I felt like total shit too.

I suppose what also annoys me is when we are ill he doesn’t worry about what gets done but I do! Like it’s not his job to worry.

Currently locked in the bathroom having a bath and have said if anybody dares to knock on the door I will show them my stitches in revenge.

Haven’t had tea made for me yet although I have zero appetite

Omg I’ve never heard of this before! It would definitely annoy me!

Toothache is the worst so if he’s genuine I feel sorry for him but it’s quite a big coincidence.

What a total PITA! Honestly, get him to get some clove oil and some decent painkillers. Our emergency dentist round here is fab (admittedly large city to teaching dental hospital) and usually see you in 48 hours if severe and your dentist can’t. He need ls to suck it up so you can fully and properly recover. Waiting lists are getting longer and longer, you don’t want to be a position where you have to have the surgery again or other intervention because you were unable to rest and recover.

My DH, although he usually accepts that it’s psychosomatic. But yes, it only takes him a few hours to develop a scratchy throat or blocked sinuses. 😆

@QOD

My daughter and I refer to it as ‘dads got the actuallys’

Dd I feel sick - dh oh actually!!

That's made me chuckle

My dh is called the gatekeeper of all illnesses by our kids.

If you've got a cold he'll be dying of flu, sick bug ah he's got gastroenteritis, sticky eye...Ebola!

He will sit there in his dressing gown of doom with the hood up, asking us if anyone else is cold, doing this little shiver, with a whiny sick voice. We have to walk out or get the giggles.

But yeah sometimes it's not bloody funny at all. Like in the summer when I was diagnosed with a neurological disorder and was in hospital for a while. Came home and was in some pain and discomfort, and had to listen to him moan about a five year old shoulder injury that's keeping him awake. He felt sick. He was tired.

Then we all caught Covid. I'm high risk for complications yet he took to his bed and left me to look after kids, house etc.

I'm currently fighting through the ick from then

Yeah same here including trying to outdo me over three pregnancies and births. It's something weird to do with his mother always telling him how tired/ill/delicate he is. Maddening.

My ex husband was like this. One of the many, many reasons I’m not with him anymore.

Offer to grab some pliers if he doesn't stfu op.
Testicles /tooth. You choose.

I’d stop @AsYouWishButtercup
You asked for him to step up. He agreed. Expect him to do it.

Seriously, don’t take the ASDA delivery or help the 8yo with homework (unless you can do it in bed and you d’ want to sleep instead).
Put yourself first and foremost and let him deal with it.

Yes the dishes won’t be done wen they should.
The cleaning won’t happen like it should etc…

But leave it. Let im handle it and ignore his ‘oh I’m in such pain’. (And of you can’t cope with it anymore, remind him you are just it if surgery!)

Ah my DH used to do this in a minor way. To me it seemed like a weird way of asking for attention when he hasn’t had enough? But he’s stopped now we’ve had a baby.

I am usually very sympathetic to him though.

Ah yes, I have one of these. I had my gallbladder removed, came home that night in a lot of pain from the surgery and my DH spent the whole time complaining that he had a headache because a slight delay to my surgery meant he hadn't had lunch. My eyes could not roll far enough back in my head.

If I get I'll he gets I'll. I would like to have an illness on my own.

Ill

Lol at the dressing gown of doom!

It’s the constant moaning and whingeing. STFU! He can’t get into his dentist til Tuesday either!

Just ignore all of it. Moaning housework, kids homework. He is quite capable of ringing the dentist himself 🙄

This has reminded me of the time I was away with my family and started being sick. My brother and mother apparently caught it as well and felt terrible. I came home and discovered I was pregnant! They were a bit sheepish...