Anyone else’s OH a pain thief? Feeling pissed off!

[AsYouWishButtercup]

I had surgery yesterday, was in and out in a day and a fairly small op but I’ve been sent away with pain killers, laxatives(it was bum related) and instructions to rest for 2-4 weeks - especially avoiding lifting, bending, over exertion etc.

DH and I have 2 kids (5 & 8) and I said to him before the operation that he would have to di everything round the house for the next month - all the cooking, cleaning, homework, washing, housework. We both work full time so usually good at doing 50/50 (ish) so he’d just have to step up to doing it all for a bit so I can recover properly.

Had the surgery yesterday, came home, got a takeaway and he said he would do the dishes and sort washing in the morning 🙄

I’m not too bad pain wise thanks to some cracking pain killers but have been instructed to rest, which is what I’ve done. Except DH decided this morning that he has The Worst Toothache in the World and has spent the day clutching his jaw and moaning in pain, putting his little boy lost voice on asking me to call the dentist, doing fuck all else and annoyingly, every time I wince in pain (such as standing up) he immediately seems to put his head in his hands and complain about his tooth

He’s only just cleaned the dishes from last night (whilst moaning about his pain the whole time), I’ve had to help 8yo with homework, take in the Asda delivery and be badgered by the kids. He made the kids a plate of chips each because he’s in too much pain apparently to make a proper tea, the wash basket is already full and the house is a tip. He’s spent most of the day lying in bed moaning about his pain.

Now I’m trying to be sympathetic because toothache is a painful bastard but I just think ‘ ‘ of course you have this crippling tooth ache when I’m in recovery. Couldn’t be any other time of the year!’. I also think I’ve had many an illness, including toothache, where I’ve just had to power through and get on with things, where he has the ‘luxury’ of being able to focus on his pain and lie in bed whingeing all day.

Is anyone else’s OH like this? It’s sending me nuts, at the risk of sounding like a brat, I just want for once for it to be about me!

I have made it clear that Everything is still down to him for the next month, I refuse to do more than bringing shopping in and homework, otherwise before I know it come the weekend everything will be 50/50 (well let’s face it 70/30 to me) again

@D0lphine I was saying this to a friend recently who has a similar pathetic DH - we’d be fucked if we got diagnosed with a long term illness!

I hear you op. H is the same - competitive about illness or tiredness etc.

I'm I'll, he's dying. I'm tired, he's exhausted. I'm busy and he's completely overwhelmed. I do just ignore him now. No sympathy at all.

Hope you feel better soon.

@Sexnotgender

My ex husband was like this. One of the many, many reasons I’m not with him anymore.

Yup, mine too! Thank fuck he's an ex!

My DC are super at sympathy as I am rarely ill so when I am nadgered, they really step up. Feels nice as I obviously do all I can when they feel rubbish so it flows both ways now!

I think it reveals something rather unpleasant about him needing to be the centre of attention at all times.

Christ i'm so pleased i'm single. Can't you get rid of him?!

He’s alright the rest of the time, and I know LTB is (overly) trotted out on MN but for many of us it simply isn’t an option - but that’s another thread for another day!

So sorry
Ex also like this.
Competitive illness.
I would push through because of the kids.
He would take to his bed in duvet mode.
Lost all respect for him.
His health and sleep were always deigned more important than mine.
You could always time it to when he had to step up too.
Every. Bloody. Time.
Like clockwork.

My DH complained his arm was sore and tired. This was due to holding our brand new straight out the vag DD1. I was still on the table being patched up after a 36hr forceps delivery producing said 10lb4 DD. I hadn't even seen her due to the table being tilted to allow me to vomit without fear of choking on it whilst they spend approx 2hrs stitching me.

I have NEVER let him forget it, even after 18yrs, and his 'woe is me' has miraculously calmed the f*ck right down. The kids and I call him Eeyore with his own wee rain cloud when he's bad. In his defence he's not usually BUT don't complain about a headache when there's water in the tap and paracetamol in the cupboard........

My ex was like this, one memorable time was when I had been to hospital to have a colposcopy and biopsy, in the car park I felt a bit woozy (my dad was driving us there because of course ex couldn't drive) and his answer when I told him was "yes I don't feel great I think I'll go straight to bed when we get home" leaving me to look after our 18 month old twins and 8 year old...

Note he is exh...

I’ve got one here. When I was pregnant he somehow developed piles, heartburn and multiple other pregnancy related woes. 4 days after my c-section while our baby was still in neonatal he got stung by a wasp outside the hospital and said “you’ll never have felt pain like this” 🙄

ChocoChocoLatte urgh what an arsehole. How do you stand to be around him? Urgh. He's an embarrassment.

DS is nearly 17, DH has still not been allowed to forget his whinging that he had a sore back as the chair in the labour suite wasn’t very comfortable for him. Even his mother pointed out that I’d had a 20 hour labour and ended up with an epidural and stitches- perhaps he should lay off the complaining.

@AnneElliott

I hear you op. H is the same - competitive about illness or tiredness etc.

I'm I'll, he's dying. I'm tired, he's exhausted. I'm busy and he's completely overwhelmed. I do just ignore him now. No sympathy at all.

Hope you feel better soon.

Mine is the same. Not only has to out-do me at everything, including illness/pain etc, but he also develops a new ailment every other week. When he runs out, he goes back to the beginning.

It's infuriating.

LOLing at 'dressing gown of doom.' There's a couple more like that. I think one is 'slipper shuffle of sadness...'

@AsYouWishButtercup You have my utmost sympathy!

@AsYouWishButtercup

He’s alright the rest of the time, and I know LTB is (overly) trotted out on MN but for many of us it simply isn’t an option - but that’s another thread for another day!

Yeah this. The LTB comment that is trotted out so often, really annoys me. It's (as you say) simply not an option for many women!

DH does this-and wears the dressing gown of doom. If I am ever ill, he has to have it worse and come down with it within 6 hours so I don’t get to rest up-I was hospitalised with pneumonia and pleurisy and he moaned about a sniffle. DD pranked him the other day by telling him she had awful tummy pains and cramps-he started with the “you know I was just thinking I had stomach ache” Quick as a snap she jumped in with-“well it can’t be my problem dad because it’s period pain!” 🤣🤣🤣 He shut up very quickly after that whilst we all laughed our socks off.

I believe the 'dressing gown of doom' is MN legend and had its own thread a few years ago - wonder if it's in Classics...?

You must rest OP, you've had SURGERY! And tell him to get his own painkillers. He can alternate co-codamol and nurofen plus if it's that bad, as long as it doesn't knock him out too much to look after the kids!

Stealing prescription painkillers is a dealbreaker for me. It's what drug addicts do - steal pain relief from somebody who needs it.

@HandlebarLadyTash

If I get I'll he gets I'll. I would like to have an illness on my own.

Are you me? I was so ill with covid but DH had to be worse. Every time I'm ill husband gets it too but is worse. Basically I'm not ever allowed to be ill or recover properly

Personally I'd go to your mum's and leave him to it, OP!

These men are just disgustingly lazy and selfish

Get well soon OP

Will your dp act like he can't understand why you've called in reinforcements and "he was happy and willing to look after everyone". If he's anything like my ex he will be "hurt" at the lack of belief you had in him. 🙄🙄🙄

That is DW here. Competitive illness and tiredness.

A few months ago I felt really ill and was off work for a couple of days. I didn't tell her. I'm still mostly WFH so got up, put clothes on and sat in home office for an hour until she left for work then went back to bed!

[quote AsYouWishButtercup]@D0lphine I was saying this to a friend recently who has a similar pathetic DH - we’d be fucked if we got diagnosed with a long term illness![/quote]
This is a thing OP! Don't know if you've seen this?

Your OP is so similar to the findings in this article- it really struck me. Sorry if this makes you feel worse, I don't want it to! Better to be armed with the facts though right?

Really hope your mum takes care of you and you recover well.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/mar/30/the-men-who-give-up-on-their-spouses-when-they-have-cancer

You know what this is perfect timing for….to learn to not give a fuck.

It’s just one month, DO NOT let it get to you how messy the house is, or if the dishes sit there for a week, turn over and ignore it because your on rest. I’d let him do the whole month. I’m sure the house will still be standing at the end of it and then you can take back over a proper 50/50 but in the mean time don’t faulter and rest up!!

Thanks for the information OP! I hope you feel better soon. You sound like a legend.
I also agree with you on the tooth pain. I had a wisdom tooth removed and it was the most hideous pain. I cried so bad! Worse than childbirth IMO!
Look after yourself (stop lifting shopping!) X