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Anybody who was a full on raver in the 90s, what do you now tell your teenage children about drugs?

165 replies

FakeMoustacheAndGlasses · 08/01/2022 19:46

I haven't talked to my children about drugs yet and I don't want them to do drugs.
My (extensive) experience with drugs though was all positive, as was my husband's, they were the best years of our lives.
I haven't done any drugs since those days, I don't even drink now, I don't go clubbing anymore either though.

Anyone with similar history, what do you tell your kids?

OP posts:
ginandbearit · 09/01/2022 11:47

Ex drugs counsellor and mh nurse...saw more than a few burn outs from drug use over the years but usage was endemic even among my fellow staff ...far far worse is the damage from alcohol and the social acceptance and dismissal of the cost of alcohol abuse , though that's begining to change...my greatest fear for my youngsters was them cycling to school, I know more young people killed and with life changing injuriesfrkm that than from drug use, but we again minimise it ..
So yes I gad talks about drug risks but really they didnt listen and looked at me as if I was so out of touch.. and I didnt tell mine about my motorcycling days either..

Andtheyalllookjustthesame · 09/01/2022 11:50

I've had some negative experiences and some positive experiences, but I've also lost some friends along the way. I will be honest with my kids in an age appropriate way that it's Russian roulette when you put a substance into your body.

I don't drink, so I show them that alcohol isn't the way to unwind/have fun. That you don't need a substance of any kind for any reason. It would take a big anxiety off me if they chose to be teetotal and abstinent from drugs, and I would advise them not to play Russian roulette with their lives for the sake of a 'high' but also if they chose to do that (as adults) I would respect their decision. It's their life, and I get the desire to experiment with your mind and body, it would just worry me in case it did go badly. My job isn't to stop them, it's to give them the full facts, to guide them as best I can, and to be there to pick up the pieces if it does go wrong.

Boogaloony · 09/01/2022 11:53

I'm a 44 yo mum of 4, and I was a proper party animal. Ended up with a cocaine addiction. I also had a very traumatic childhood. And as a family we have a very addictive personality type.

I am very open with my kids. They know full well the damage drugs caused for me, the circles I mixed in etc and how I ended up in an abusive relationship with two babies. I am absolutely transparent about it all and up to now it's worked very well for us. My eldest is 24 and barely drinks, just the odd few at parties etc. My second eldest is absolutely T total but has other problems with addictive behaviour. My third is also T total and has never touched a drop. My youngest is a teen and has a dribble of Prosecco with pure orange on Xmas day etc.

My kids have seen me have corrective surgery on my sinuses to combat damage caused . They know their grand parents are chronic alcoholics. They know I drink more than I should but I'm honest about it. Booze is better than coke and I'm just grateful I survived my childhood. I've had all the treatment and intensive counselling and managed to get two degrees and I'm starting a new career soon despite several serious disabilities. I'm doing the best I can and by being open and honest and doing better for my kids I hope they break the cycle and have better lives.

JudyGemstone · 09/01/2022 11:54

I answer questions honestly if they ask. I want them to be open and honest to me, which they are (I think).

My 17 year old told me when his friends did acid and said he’d like to try too, so we talked about it and thought about how to best ensure that it’s safe/enjoyable (nice sunny day outside in nature, with good friends, full stomach, vitamin c if it gets too much etc).

He does smoke weed sometimes but without tobacco (the most harmful bit) and is good at self regulation eg he’s not smoking currently as has mock A level exams. He prioritises school work and his job before partying/smoking.

I definitely would steer him away from cocaine, but I think psychedelics can be positive and life enhancing if used safely and sparingly.

JudyGemstone · 09/01/2022 11:55

Interestingly I saw this paper this morning that shows lifetime use of ecstasy and psilocybin can be a protective factor against depression:

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02698811211066714

WeAllHaveWings · 09/01/2022 11:59

I dabbled a little and like others they were the "best years of my life" but that was not because of the drugs, it was because I was a teen, experiencing new levels of freedom with friends going through the same new and exciting experiences. They would still have been the "best years of my life" without the drugs.

Obviously as a adult I have different feelings about drugs than I had as a teen. Back then in the 80s/90s no-one sat me down and explained the health risks or how the drug supply chain devastates lives. We were not educated about drugs in school either.

I haven't told ds(17) that I dabbled, he knows my strong feelings about drug use and why. I hope I have raised him have the long lasting satisfaction of making and enjoying the real experiences that are out there waiting for him without taking the easy, temporary and unfulfilling route of making something happen artificially for a couple of hours.

If he asked my directly if I had tried them I would be truthful, but I wouldn't dress it up as a positive experience, I would explain I didn't know better and I was extremely lucky.

Kljnmw3459 · 09/01/2022 12:07

I've never done drugs but my friends who did and enjoyed it have mainly emphasised to their children that they need to be careful where the drugs come from, I think. Take them with and from people you know. Be aware of the dangers especially if it's something new you haven't used before.

ThackeryBinks · 09/01/2022 12:28

I have passed down a lesson from my Granny. Only ever get standing up pissed never falling down pissed. We've already had a near death experience where DD was probably spiked with ketamine and survived due to the kindness of strangers. I am really firm with her about not making herself vulnerable. To be fair I came down on her really hard after that and it changed her attitude towards me. Now she will ask me if she can go out! I was a nightmare as teenager and into my 20's. I've always looked after myself though that's the difference between me & DD I'm over involved. I had to rescue DD's bff on Friday as they been chucked out of the club and she couldn't stand. DP loved picking them up at 1.30am! Grin

PurpleCarpets · 09/01/2022 12:35

Yes, be honest. The truth is they are enormous fun. You don't need to tell them that as a selling point but they can't help but be aware of it as they grow up. As soon as they know you are bullshitting they will (not unreasonably) ignore any information coming from you and go for more reliable sources. They need to know the dangers and be aware of harm reduction. Lives are certainly ruined by drugs, as they are by sex and pregnancy. Mine was definitely greatly enhanced!

MrsJBaptiste · 09/01/2022 13:19

@elelel We are a ND household

What does this mean? I can usually work out the abbreviations on here but can't fathom this one out!

BiBabbles · 09/01/2022 13:27

There is data that drug use including alcohol is significantly lower for current young people than previous generations, but it's still early days and there is mixed reporting around prescription drugs being used recreationally or self-medicating with those drugs bought online that may not be picked up in all the data collection around this.

My parents and their friends partied hard with drugs (including prescription ones).

My party vice was sex.

I think these talks are part of continuous conversations starting from body knowledge, caring for ourselves, and risk considerations when they're little. The many harm reduction resources out there can make that conversation in secondary easier, but it starts with those conversations and working through that discomfort of talking about awkward topics for both parent and child, I think.

In early secondaryish, we start talking about and exploring where to find good information about and risk analysis conversations around drugs, sex, and other things that can turn to vices. I think it's important they know where to find good information well beyond me or school (which it's been noticable in a very overfull PSHE curriculum, these topics can get dropped/rushed, even more now with COVID having squeezed year groups that would have covered topics in the last two years but haven't yet) so we look through different websites on it together and talk about it for a few evenings (bribed with popcorn or similar at times to help with the awkward).

With older teens, we discuss how other people have balanced the benefits with the risks, measures people put in place like having a personal limit or how they keep track of what's been taken & emergency safety. We discuss the harsh reality that there are addicts on every branch on their family tree - 3 of their grandparents had major addiction issues, 1 not so much but it was still there and had impact, among other family members so with the data around genetic predisposition, they're likely at more risk compared to some of their peers so reducing those risks is important. We also discuss the benefits people are looking for in drug use, including potential medical uses of things currently deemed illegal/recreational, and similar because I don't think we can really reduce risks without discussing the benefits and working on self-awareness around what we're looking for and what's actually available from what we're going for.

Like yeah, sex can be fun, and when that was all young me was looking for with someone who felt the same, I could make a better risk analysis, but often that wasn't what I was actually looking for, and what I was looking for couldn't be found in sex, just like what my parents wanted in drugs wasn't always to be found there either. My father in his 60s finally admitted to me that his drug use was more about acceptance / image with his friends (he has drug arrests dating from when I was a teenager, his drug use was why we didn't talk for many years so when we started to reconcile, we had to talk about that). I can now admit that sometimes I was looking for pleasure which could be there, but other times I was just trying to prove my mother and others wrong about being unlovable and other things which sex could never give me proof of, but I had the social messages in my teen brain that screamed otherwise. Discussing those social messages vs reality is part of risk reduction, I think, as they skew our ability to balance the actual benefits vs the actual risks. Part of making those choices well is knowing why which can be difficult.

CuntAmongstThePigeons · 09/01/2022 13:27

Neuro diverse

MrsJBaptiste · 09/01/2022 13:31

Ah, thanks 👍

elelel · 09/01/2022 13:33

[quote MrsJBaptiste]**@elelel* We are a ND household*

What does this mean? I can usually work out the abbreviations on here but can't fathom this one out![/quote]

Neuro diverse.

I thought I was quite common, apologies. I shall not abbreviate in future.

clementine63 · 09/01/2022 13:52

Have NC for obvious reasons.

It is quite hard, I was a serious drug user for periods in my 20s and 30s (1980s and 90s), including intravenous opiates and cocaine at various times. Also plenty of party-type use of cocaine, E, MDMA etc etc. Not all the time, I also spent most of those years training to become very senior in a profession, in which I went on to be very successful (I have not used any drugs now for 20 years).

I have two (now-young adult) stepdaughters, they are at university, and I don't say much to them about drugs to be honest (I know both have tried weed and I think one smokes it fairly regularly). They know I had a fairly wild past in many ways, but I have never gone into specifics. I had a lot of great fun times and also some serious low patches in my drug-using years. I don't think I could really talk about it in detail to them. It is a bit difficult though bcause of course I would not adviocate to them that they followed in my footsteps, but I can't be hypocritical about drugs, with my past...

I am aware that I was lucky to get away alive, some of my friends and colleagues didn't. That would be my takeaway message if I was ever to broach the subject.

Restlessinthenorth · 09/01/2022 14:24

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Whatever you think, there is no reason to think your DC are different to the rest of the population

I think it’s a mistaken assumption that everyone else has taken drugs.

I never have, the people I was friends with in my school/teen years (and still friends with some now) didn’t take drugs. I have absolutely no doubt that there are teens and young adults now who haven’t and never will take drugs. Its really not the case that everyone does.

I wasn't implying that everyone took drugs, but rather that research tells us that "just say no" is an ineffective strategy to use when having conversations with young people about drug taking. Should have made that clearer!
Restlessinthenorth · 09/01/2022 14:30

[quote FakeMoustacheAndGlasses]**@Restlessinthenorth

A university lecturer friend told me that the current cohort of young people have the lowest consumption of illegal drugs and alcohol in decades. They take loads of prescription drugs for conditions like anxiety/depression though, loads more than previous generations. I also worry just as much about this sort of drug use with my kids.
I'd be grateful for your thoughts on that? Is it true?[/quote]
The data does suggest that young peoples drug use is changing. Covid will certainly have impacted on that and it will be interesting to see how trends progress in coming years. Still see lots of very problematic ketamine use in the student population. It is really quite worrying due to the impact on physical health

Also yes, anecdotally in my practice, there is definitely more misuse of prescription drugs (benzodiazepines and gabapentoids for example) . It's worrying on its own, but more so when a good deal of these end up being obtained via the dark web and so the user effectively has no idea what they are taking in terms of content or strength

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 09/01/2022 14:37

Ahh ok. I understand now.

CandyLeBonBon · 09/01/2022 16:25

@Stillcrikey

This is what I told my young person.

Be careful with drugs. If you choose to take them, only do it with people you trust completely. At best you’ll have a good time. Mostly you’ll turn into a dick (hopefully temporarily). At worst your mental health will be damaged irreparably. Plus, think about the supply chain and how the ‘market’ supports slavery etc.

I too was lucky and mostly had a lot of fun. But looking back it really was only luck. I spent way too many nights taking risks (of all kinds) but had good luck. Others, not so much.

^^this. If they've asked I've been honest but haven't glamorised it and have been very clear about the issues surrounding drug taking and alcohol.
Changechangychange · 09/01/2022 17:47

@Cherrytart23

I was walking past the local smackhead last week begging for change told my ds13 if you do drugs that's how you end up haha.
Thing is, that is obviously not true is it? Any more true than pointing to the alcoholic begging next to him, and saying “and that’s what happens if you ever have a glass of wine”.

And children realise, as soon as they see older kids smoking weed with no obvious ill effects, that you have either lied or have no idea what you are talking about. Whereas slightly more nuanced discussions are more likely to be taken seriously.

Boogaloony · 09/01/2022 20:36

[quote JudyGemstone]Interestingly I saw this paper this morning that shows lifetime use of ecstasy and psilocybin can be a protective factor against depression:

journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/02698811211066714[/quote]
I'm bipolar ( think I've always been bipolar and used drugs to self medicate). After lots of therapy and tablets that didn't really work, I actually started to grow my own magic mushrooms and use them for micro dosing. They have been life changing for me and despite being in my mid forties and seriously disabled I am about to embark on the very start of my first ever /job career since I was a teeny bopper. I honestly truly think psychedelic drugs are the future of mental health treatments. The experience is profoundly deep. Anybody interested, there is some documentaries on Netflix, fabulous fungi and magic medicine.

JudyGemstone · 09/01/2022 22:04

That’s great Boogaloony congratulations on the job!

I completely agree with you, I’m a mental health professional (psychotherapist) and all the research on therapeutic use of psychedelics is super exciting to me.

The standard meds for bipolar (sodium valproate/lithium etc) are horrendous to take for many, it’s so great that we’re working towards having an effective natural alternative.

Innatenvi · 09/01/2022 23:46

DH & I have always been open about our past with our kids. We've said we had fun, but actually we were young and didn't know properly what we were getting into. We certainly don't glamorise it and say we were extremely lucky not to suffer any bad after effects.

DS is pretty right-on and is concerned about the county lines and the supply chain. DD I could see maybe experimenting in the future but we have the kind of relationship where I hope she would be honest with us about it.

HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 11/01/2022 07:53

@Whycantibetangy

I’ve always had open, honest and frank conversations with my teenagers about drugs. They know we were both mad ravers, have discussed illegal raves, warehouse parties, road trips, after parties in motorway services, pills, trips, mushrooms, weed, speed, poppers, brown cafes, the culture, the music, the fashion. I have told them the horror stories of people overdosing, told them about the time I was at a party and someone was injecting themselves in the kitchen, the time I had a really bad trip…

They know they can ask me all and any questions, there have been some difficult conversations and debates but there is absolutely no point trying to pretend drugs don’t exist.

As parents it is our job to educate and inform our children and prepare them for adult life in an adult world. Age appropriate discussions about all the ‘taboo’ subjects like sex, drugs rock n roll should be a normal and healthy part of family life.

This is how, in theory I think I want to be with my kids. But my instinct to nurture & protect them makes me worry about oversharing.
HoliHormonalTigerlilly · 11/01/2022 07:55

@elelel

I think I live in another world. I find drugs abhorrent and the idea of a parent telling their own child how to 'safely' do drugs is alien to me.

I never took drugs in the 90s and I would be horrified if my DC took them now.

What if they do take them though? You will need to address it then won't you 🤷🏻‍♀️
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