Anybody who was a full on raver in the 90s, what do you now tell your teenage children about drugs?

[FakeMoustacheAndGlasses]

I haven't talked to my children about drugs yet and I don't want them to do drugs.
My (extensive) experience with drugs though was all positive, as was my husband's, they were the best years of our lives.
I haven't done any drugs since those days, I don't even drink now, I don't go clubbing anymore either though.

Anyone with similar history, what do you tell your kids?

I was upfront and honest. Provided the facts so that he could make an informed risk based decision.

Terrified me but drugs were also a really really positive experience for me so told him that along with the risks and how to be careful/mitigate those risks. And I also wanted him to have that positive experience if he wanted that too, like all positive things you can experience in life.

There is no way I could have said "just don't do drugs" or similar. Firstly because drugs were so positive for me and it would have been massively hypocritical. Secondly because I don't believe that approach works anyway. Thirdly because I am pro completely decriminalising drugs and treating them as an addiction issue where appropriate. Fourthly because taking many drugs, where you can be sure that's what you are taking, is safer than many recreational activities and/or alcohol.

Also told him what to do/say if ever caught with drugs.

He has done drugs but nowhere near as many as me! And he takes much less risk. Very positive experience for him also so far.

@LondonWolf

I tell them that every single person I knew who took drugs regretted the time and money they spent doing it, t no person ever said “I’m really glad I took so many drugs when I was younger!” I tell them that it rarely ended well and it was a couple of hours fun followed by feeling like utter crap for days after. All this is true. They seem horrified by my description tbh.

I'm really glad I took drugs when I was younger. In fact I wish I'd done them more! I was too cautious. They were a very positive experience for me and my time taking them in the 90s was by far the best time of my life. I didn't appreciate how short lived that time would be and take proper advantage!! I say this often and I know plenty of other people who feel similarly.

There are of course plenty who I am sure do not, became addicted, had awful side effects etc etc but to say "no one is glad they took drugs when younger" is simply not true.

I smoked a lot.
I worry that times have changed. Dope is far stronger.
I have been honest with my teenagers.
I don't want their lives messed up. But I can't dictate.
I hope that they are like me and use drugs only as a recreational thing.

I'm glad I took them too, and I still enjoy them occasionally. I don't have any horror stories about death/destruction either - my friends/wider circle seem unscathed by it all and we were proper caners back in the day 😂

@housemaus

I find the moralising in this thread from people who think they're somehow superior for never having so much as inhaled second hand cigarette smoke so tedious.

People have been taking drugs as far back as you can go - they were tripping off nightshades in 1000BC, the Hindu Veda mentions something widely thought to be magic mushrooms (2000BC) and both Sibera and China have records of their nobility using psychoactive cannabis from 2500BC. Plus alcohol, coca leaves, etc - all been around a long, long time.

The moral panic around drugs is relatively new, in terms of human history.

Obviously, some of it is warranted - supply lines etc.

But the moral judgement of drug use is so pointless - we've been doing drugs for thousands of years and I'd go as far as to argue that seeking ways to make your brain feel different is part of the human experience. Given that we have, decades after the war on drugs swept the globe (cheers Nixon - useless policy with devastating effects), still got millions using drugs worldwide, we'd be far, far better focusing on harm reduction, destigmatising use, and stop pretending we're morally better if we don't use drugs.

Shame, stigma and lack of information are not effective drug treatment programmes or deterrents, trust me.

(To answer your question OP - or kind of - my parents were both honest but not encouraging about drug use. They didn't want me to take drugs but were honest if I had questions, told me about their own experiences with a good balance of 'not denying they can be fun' and 'not ignoring actual dangers'. They told me the advice they wished they'd had - you're often better off not doing them, but if you are, be around people you trust, know where to go if you need help, and know when to stop. And their overriding message in my teens and older was always, if you really need me, I'll be there. So when I had the worst comedown of my life at a weekend event in Birmingham in 2006, my lovely dad heard me sobbing "I just need to be at home, I haven't slept" and drove 3 hours to come and get me and did not even lecture me or ask questions, just occasionally tried to get me to eat something and handed me Lucozade in the car... I've never felt more grateful for anything! As it was I was far less of a wild child than either of them which I think they were hypocritically grateful for... )

I've already said it's not really a moral issue for me in the sense that I don't think (all) drugs are inherently bad but among all the posters who are cool about their kids taking drugs where are the ones happy that their kids are involved in county lines?

If fair trade drugs were around then I'd think very differently.

I do agree that there is no point ignoring the issue and certainly no point demonising it so kids don't feel they can go to their parents for help and advice. Initiatives like the one someone mentioned about drug testing services at festivals etc sound like a great idea too. But the conversations about the risks/negatives needs to be explicit about what goes on here and overseas before those drugs reach their friendly neighbourhood dealer.

As I said, I did dabble in drugs. I also got absolutely drunk out of my head numerous times, routinely walked home alone, made risky decisions about men and had a great time along the way. I had one situation where I suspect I had a lucky escape walking home, one bad experience of smoking weed, and more horrific hangovers than I can count. I'm beyond grateful that camera phones were not a thing and that my drunken antics are not plastered on social media.

I find the anxiety of this thread quite irritating. The angst of 'I can't talk openly to my kids about stuff', nit just drugs but generally, is something I just don't recognise nor agree with.

I wasn't a music raver, more a relaxed house party goer, but I took a couple of mild drugs at Uni. I have told my late teens about my younger days, learning to drive, going clubbing, music festivals, Uni days. When I have told ds's this, because their generation is very anti drugs, they were non interested and nonchalant.

I really resent this whole thing of not being able to talk to mature children about stuff. All a bit MN twee that I find puzzling.

@elelel

I think I live in another world. I find drugs abhorrent and the idea of a parent telling their own child how to 'safely' do drugs is alien to me.

I never took drugs in the 90s and I would be horrified if my DC took them now.

What a pointless comment that adds nothing to the OP question

I remember reading once that you should deny taking any drugs and stick to the line that all drugs are bad and dangerous and should be avoided. So I did that.

My children still don't know about my youth and I prefer it that way. There's no way I want my kids to get into weed even (I'm sure they do) and I even took a hard line about those little cannister things. They go clubbing now and Id be surprised if there isn't mdma about, but still I don't condone it at all. (I think they can't afford coke).

It's not deep - your post is the VERY thing I dislike the most.

So how do you handle it? Do you just walk off? Saying 'nope', that's on my list if topics I refuse to discuss? Or worse still, do you lie to your kids. Claim you haven't when your have? Do you consider yourself to have a close relationship with your dc. This is is what is considered good parenting? Not telling a 3 year old the details of something may be considered the norm. But if you can't have a reasoned sensible debate, deep, discussing tricky issues, with a child who is shortly going off to uni, then surely that's a parenting fail?

I focused on the fact sometime drug taking can ruin mental health and I've always really focused on how awful the drug trade is - organised crime, exploitation , trafficking etc. A lot of younger people are more aware of social issues I think. There are some amazing documentaries on it that you can show teens. I genuinely think people that take cocaine have blood on their hands.

My kids knew plenty of vegans who were really into healthy eating but were happy to use ket and pills etc

@Cherrytart23

I was walking past the local smackhead last week begging for change told my ds13 if you do drugs that's how you end up haha.

This is one of the most horrible things I have ever seen on this site. How awful; to laugh at someone else's misfortunate when you have absolutely NO idea about that persons past

Substance use nurse here; some of the comments on this thread blown my mind. Decades of research in this area tell us that "just say no" does NOT work as a strategy. Whatever you think, there is no reason to think your DC are different to the rest of the population.

Drug use is incredibly common in young people. Whilst not using them at all is the safest approach (just like not using alcohol is safer in respect of drinking) the majority will do so with no ill effects IF they are armed with the correct information (and could be safer again if we scrapped our ridiculous approach to drugs in this country, but that's another discussion). Burying your head in the sand is a very poor parenting strategy. The stats tell us that if your child goes to a festival, there is a 7 in 10 chance they will use drugs, potentially higher. There is SO much more that we can do to keep our children safe. Educated, balanced conversations are the way forwards. If you aren't able to do that, believe me when I say they will get their information from sources which are far less desirable than you. Whilst I get it feels counter intuitive, hundreds of studies across the world tell us that this is by far the best way to protect your children from the negative impact of drugs

What a pointless comment that adds nothing to the OP question

I'm sorry, shall I run my posts past you in future?

Whatever you think, there is no reason to think your DC are different to the rest of the population.

My DC are different. We are a ND household and have different ideas about what is fun. Drugs, alcohol, being out of control in any way are not it.

I really resent the posters suggesting i don't know my kids, I most certainly do. The idea that someone knows their child enough to know they won't take drugs isn't alien and shouldn't be dismissed.

You mention drug taking at festivals - there is no way any of mine would be remotely interested in going to a festival, or nightclub/pub/party. They are pretty guarded socially (through choice, I haven't got them cages) and I don't expect them every to suddenly decide to go to a rave and pop some pills.

My eldest is working a full time job, with responsibility; drives a car, has a nice boyfriend but hasn't even been to the pub for 2 years, not because of covid but because she quickly worked out that it's not for her. Next child is at university but lives at home and spends a lot of his spare time at his girlfriends or gaming online, but that's little spare time after doing a lot of uni work at home as he takes longer than the average student to process. Neither of these kids are interested in drugs. I have younger DC and I talk to them openly, honestly and she appropriately about drugs just like i do everything else. When they are older I will make my judgment on whether or not I think they are likely to take drugs, for now they are far too young, but I know my older 2 very very well.

I understand the majority are going out partying and may take substances but the 'never say never' type comments I find difficult because the minority do exist.

@Cherrytart23

I was walking past the local smackhead last week begging for change told my ds13 if you do drugs that's how you end up haha.

What a short sighted horrible comment. Do you realise that many people become "smackheads" as you put it because of horrendous abuse and neglect earlier in life. Many are self medicating to cope with their mental health. I hope your ds is a kinder and more compassionate person than his mother. Haha

@housemaus

That's great advice, thank you.

I don’t have DC but have a friend who has kids now in 20s and she was raving, at festivals with weed etc whereas I was just a clubber. She was actually quite strict with her DD especially as she wanted her to go to a Russell Group (?) uni. DD discovered weed though and went off the rails a bit. Funnily enough she came off it recently and made and posted a really interesting and honest video on her weed use and how it affected her. I’ve got friends of friends now though, one with a young child and at birthdays they all get trollied on drugs and the child is shipped off to GPs. I’m sure they get the drugs tested but most of my mates once they had kids stopped drug taking for good. Got neighbours who work in music industry and have teens/tweens and I’m sure they’ve had the “just say no” talk. Their eldest I could imagine might try them but has a heart condition and the youngest I wouldn’t say is interested. If I had kids I probably would tell them my experiences but dial it down a bit. For everyone who had fun there were casualties whether it was from drink/drug accidents or worse.

I tell them that every single person I knew who took drugs regretted the time and money they spent doing it, t no person ever said “I’m really glad I took so many drugs when I was younger!” I tell them that it rarely ended well and it was a couple of hours fun followed by feeling like utter crap for days after. All this is true.

I'm really glad I took so many drugs, I had a brilliant time, never felt crap the next day either, as long as I'd had at least six hours sleep, I felt absolutely fine. Alcohol on the other hand left me feeling like shit the next day regardless of how much sleep I'd had. Alcohol was much, much worse on the night and the next day. These days I probably have one drink every six months and zero drugs because we don't go raving anymore. My old friends from back then all do professional jobs (they did back then as well) and me and my husband now run marathons for fun.

This thread has really opened my eyes. I was sheltered as a child and was never offered or took drugs. I did drink and was not given information on how to drink safely and thankfully didn't end up in any difficult positions but can see how that could have happened.

I can't see myself having conversations around safe drug use the same way and I would around safe sex or safe alcohol use because it wouldn't really be something I would expect for them to do, I guess along with smoking. I think that stems from being an acute medical nurse and seeing the constant bad side of drugs. Like the valium cut with gliclazide causing 13 local patients to hypo and become very unwell before we realised what had happened. Kept thinking that if they hadn't accessed help appropriately they may have died for something so needless. Then the chronic IV drug users, seeing what quality of life they have and significant physical and mental health concerns. I really would not want that life for them. But then again I can see the benefits of keeping the conversation open and making sure your children know they can trust you regardless of what they do.

I did not realise there was the facility to get pills checked to ensure they are what they say they are. That kind of service with non judgemental staff input would make a big difference.

@Restlessinthenorth

A university lecturer friend told me that the current cohort of young people have the lowest consumption of illegal drugs and alcohol in decades. They take loads of prescription drugs for conditions like anxiety/depression though, loads more than previous generations. I also worry just as much about this sort of drug use with my kids.
I'd be grateful for your thoughts on that? Is it true?

So many sweeping statements here. All of the people I know, both those that still take drugs and those that used to, all agree that they don't regret it at all. In fact many who stopped taking drugs say often how much they miss it.

As for it being sad to talk about the euphoria of clubbing and drug taking and to describe those days as the best of your life. All that goes to show is how much you missed out on! They really WERE the best days of my life. And I have a fabulous life now, I've travelled the world, had fantastic career opportunities etc. But nothing quite touches those years. There's something about human connection, oneness with each other and the music. I'm not religious but I would say its the closest I came to a spiritual experience during those years.

The main issue with drugs is the supply chain. For me that means no coke. Pills are mainly produced in labs by old oxbridge students. Weed can be home grown and MDMA was originally used for relationship counselling.

As a pp mentioned not only have drugs been used for thousands of years, but we have symbiotically evolved with them. They've been used in religious ceremonies since forever. Even animals like getting off their head for a bit. Dolphins and puffa fish anyone?

Sorry Op thats not particularly helpful with regards to what to tell the kids. I will however say anecdotally, all the kids back in the day whose parents were anti drugs and told them just say no went on to have a much more difficult relationship with drugs. Being honest about the positives and negatives generally seems to have the better effect.

Find it weird on here where parents tell their children not to do drugs because it's links to slavery. Yet every day consumer products such as tea, coco, electronic mining etc are highly linked to slavery noone bus a faretrade phone. And banks cover these things up as they only have a limited amount of investigation as they need to cover internal curuption as well and o don't see people give up their mortgage of saving because of those links. There is a very impressive home grown no slavery cannabis industry in the UK now. I know a dealer that don't even buy weed through the traditional routes as has enough UK base homegrowers turn up regularly with skunk and yes you can tell the difference between a mass for profit home grow and a good decent home grower the density and overall appearance are different. When you take away drug problems due to bad ingredients put in carelessly to gain profit the cost of alcohol to the NHS is more. I'm not arguing there isn't a very dark and careless side to drug production but till we had regulation over our food people put did simular over bread etc and employment laws are needed or some employers wouldn't care and just chase profit

@Oblomov22 I debate with my children now they are older and they know the some of the truth about my past as they are now able to understand the discussion much more and will hear much more than "mum took loads of drugs so it's ok" . So now the older ones are 17-23 we do have open and honest discussions, and I'm pretty much completely anti-drugs these days - like many people on this thread my biggest concern is the supply chain, but I also worry about the long term effects of weed these days and the strength of it. Actually I worry more about my children drinking than drugs

But when they were younger, I had a blanket "drugs are bad" view and no, I certainly wouldn't have said, yes I had loads of fun off my head in clubs. In fact they never really even thought I took drugs because they think I'm too straight to have ever taken them (my exH nicely told them I was an absolute square geek when he met me, and they believed him).

Whatever you think, there is no reason to think your DC are different to the rest of the population

I think it’s a mistaken assumption that everyone else has taken drugs.

I never have, the people I was friends with in my school/teen years (and still friends with some now) didn’t take drugs. I have absolutely no doubt that there are teens and young adults now who haven’t and never will take drugs. Its really not the case that everyone does.

@JessieLongleg

Find it weird on here where parents tell their children not to do drugs because it's links to slavery. Yet every day consumer products such as tea, coco, electronic mining etc are highly linked to slavery noone bus a faretrade phone. And banks cover these things up as they only have a limited amount of investigation as they need to cover internal curuption as well and o don't see people give up their mortgage of saving because of those links. There is a very impressive home grown no slavery cannabis industry in the UK now. I know a dealer that don't even buy weed through the traditional routes as has enough UK base homegrowers turn up regularly with skunk and yes you can tell the difference between a mass for profit home grow and a good decent home grower the density and overall appearance are different. When you take away drug problems due to bad ingredients put in carelessly to gain profit the cost of alcohol to the NHS is more. I'm not arguing there isn't a very dark and careless side to drug production but till we had regulation over our food people put did simular over bread etc and employment laws are needed or some employers wouldn't care and just chase profit

You are naive to complain the lack of using fair trade to the drug supply chain.

Cherrytart23

I was walking past the local smackhead last week begging for change told my ds13 if you do drugs that's how you end up haha

You sound like my mother. I became a smackhead.

HTH