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Original poster

Do you pay if another family invites your DC on holiday?

119 replies

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:21

If your DC’s friend’s mum asked them to join a family holiday and money wasn’t mentioned would you be thinking you had to cover DC’s share of the booking cost?

OP posts:
3peassuit · 08/01/2022 18:24

I would offer to pay for my child. If I took another child on holiday, I wouldn’t expect the parents to pay. It is always polite to offer though.

TheBareTree · 08/01/2022 18:25

I would offer and expect to pay.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2022 18:25

Yes, of course.

CrystalMaisie · 08/01/2022 18:26

I would ask before I accepted.

Arubaa · 08/01/2022 18:27

I would offer but if I invited another child on holiday I wouldn't accept any payment...I would be inviting them as company for my child. I imagine mist people are the same!

TheHoptimist · 08/01/2022 18:27

Depends if there is a cost to the inviter

Driving to a family owned holiday home or a rental property- you send them with a generous amount of cash to cover their expenses whilst there

Flying club to New York- you pay and send then with cash

LethargicActress · 08/01/2022 18:27

Yes I’d pay if my child wanted to go, and send spending money.

GoGoGretaDoll · 08/01/2022 18:27

Ask before you accept. When we take a friend on holiday with DS we don't ever expect payment, but we've only ever done it within the UK on caravan-type holidays where it's not costing us any extra to take another person. If it was abroad, I'd expect to cover flights at least - basically anything 'extra' for your own DC.

Ionlydomassiveones · 08/01/2022 18:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Ragwort · 08/01/2022 18:28

You should definitely offer ... it also depends on the type of holiday, my DS went with his friends family to their holiday cottage (second home) in this country so there were no specific 'booking costs' but we made sure that we gave the other parents a decent cash sum to at least pay for a couple of meals out (for the whole family, not just our DS and his friend) plus gave our DS more pocket money than usual so he could offer to buy the ice creams, drinks etc.

BlowDryRat · 08/01/2022 18:30

I'd offer and expect to pay their share.

I've taken other people's children away on holiday with mine twice. I give the parents a rundown of the costs beforehand so they can decide whether or not to accept. It's nothing like 1/6th of the cost of the holiday and I cover transport and accommodation but does reflect the other extra costs of taking their child, e.g. food and activities.

Ragwort · 08/01/2022 18:30

That the issue as Ionly states, you need to be sure what the costs are before committing to your DC joining the holiday ... can all be a bit awkward otherwise.

PinkSyCo · 08/01/2022 18:30

No.

Hoppinggreen · 08/01/2022 18:31

When DDs BFs family took her to Wales I offered to contribute to the holiday cottage and her food but they refused so we took them out for a meal when they all got backend sent her with a bottle of expensive wine.
We then took the BF abroad with us, they paid for his flight but as it’s our own property we didn’t expect anything for his food etc.
As DD is a tiny vegetarian who hardly eats and the BF is a big steak lover I think we lost out there but everyone had a lovely time so it was fine
So to answer your question OP I would always offer

BlowDryRat · 08/01/2022 18:31

@Ionlydomassiveones

I thought it was a lovely gesture until I offered something towards it and they asked for £1,500. (Camping, Croatia) Hmm

I then said we couldn’t afford our own family holiday and I certainly wasn’t subsidising theirs…

£1500 for camping is an absolute joke. You could take the whole family to a hotel in the Med for that much!
Etinoxaurus · 08/01/2022 18:35

Ours have been several times to dc villas and holiday homes. I’ve paid flights and sent dc with enough to take family out for a meal/ offered and often been taken up on lift to airport for all. Only time it was a bit hiccupy was when DS went to Marbella and they went to £££ beach clubs.

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/01/2022 18:35

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

seekinglondonlife · 08/01/2022 18:35

I would expect to pay and offer. In saying that though I'd be very wary of it, familiarity often breeds contempt in these situations. I remember a thread where the poster had invited another dc along as company for her child and she posted in AIBU because the invited child didn't want to do the exact same activities that her ds did, and she expected him to as he was only invited along for company Hmm

CorvusPurpureus · 08/01/2022 18:53

I always ask what the deal is.

For us, I'm a teacher at a rather fancy private international school, with dc attending as part of my package. Their friends' parents are VERY wealthy.

Invites have always been fully covered (& their kids get to go cheapskate desert camping with us if they fancy it!) but I definitely always check: 'oh that's so kind of you to invite dc, I'm not sure of our plans [if in doubt blame flakey xh who might be visiting etc]. Let me know what I should contribute!'

Invariably it's 'no Corvus, habibi, your dc is our guest!', but I'd always check/offer.

Last time was dd1 off island hopping round the Med. Club class flights & 5 star everything - I know dd1's BFF's mum quite well so did say I didn't feel comfortable just freeloading. She was very clear that it was a perk offered by one of her dh's business cronies so all included & dd1 was a) taking the place of one of her other teenagers who didn't fancy it, & b) company for her mate, so she was categorically not expected to chip in.

I sent dd1 off with a generous float for ice creams etc, & instructions to pay for dinner one night. She was told not to be so silly, she was a guest, put your money away you daft ha'porth & that was the end of it (I sent wine & chocs as a token after the holiday).

Equally, I've sent dc off on breaks with cousins in the uk where it's clearly understood that you contribute. Absolutely fine & I've appreciated the invite no less.

Ultimately I've come to the conclusion that if I trust someone to go away with one or more of my dc, I'd jolly well better be on 'discussing contribution' terms with them.

InFiveMins · 08/01/2022 18:56

Absolutely not. If my child were invited to join their friend's family on holiday, there would be no chance I'd be paying. I'd give them some spending money, but nothing more.

PinkSyCo · 08/01/2022 18:59

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

Please do the decent thing and ask the parents before raising the kid’s hopes in that case.

User135792468 · 08/01/2022 19:01

I would offer but I wouldn’t expect for you actually to be taken up. I would send a generous amount of spending money though.

User135792468 · 08/01/2022 19:03

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

Why offer if you obviously can’t afford to take him? If you want company for your own child then put your hand in your pocket. I would be embarrassed to do what you are planning to do.
FawnFrenchieMum · 08/01/2022 19:04

@PinkSyCo of course! I plan to ask the parents if they would even consider it before speaking to the child to see if they fancy it.

Kite22 · 08/01/2022 19:08

The key thing is not to ASSUME anything.
It gets discussed quite a bit on here and there are always people who would totallly expect all costs to be divided evenly and there are others that feel the family taking the child should pay for EVERYTHING. Mostly though, there are lots of 'depends'.

So be open. If they haven't been clear, then ask. If you trust / know them well enough to let them take your dc with them, then you should have a close enough relationship that you can have a clear discussion about money.

When we've taken someone, we paid for everything, but were were driving to Wales (so no cost difference if friend was there or not) and paying for a cottage (ditto no cost difference). We were self catering (so difference in cost of food was minimal). However if we had been flying and paying for a place in a hotel or AI, then it might be "my ds wants to know if his mate can come - we are happy to take responsibility but obviously up to you if you want to pay for him to have a holiday or not".

So, it all depends.