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Original poster

Do you pay if another family invites your DC on holiday?

119 replies

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:21

If your DC’s friend’s mum asked them to join a family holiday and money wasn’t mentioned would you be thinking you had to cover DC’s share of the booking cost?

OP posts:
HeyUpits2022 · 08/01/2022 19:13

I would definitley offer to pay (probably numerous times) and would absolutely send DD with spending money for days out, treats etc.

Like others, if I invited a friend to come with us to keep DD company, I wouldn't expect the parents to pay. In fairness we tend to go camping or self catering in the UK so they aren't hugely expensive holidays.

DD is an only child, so we'll probably do it quite a few times in the future.

Piggyk2 · 08/01/2022 19:27

@InFiveMins

Absolutely not. If my child were invited to join their friend's family on holiday, there would be no chance I'd be paying. I'd give them some spending money, but nothing more.
I think this is absolutely taking liberties. Friends invite me places many of times but I don't expect anyone to pay for me automatically because they have invited me Confused. I don't see why that would make much difference if it was a child going on holiday with friends or whatever.

Interesting thread OP.

merryhouse · 08/01/2022 19:33

See, if I were expecting a contribution I would ask the child's parents, not invite the child.

"We're planning on going to Blackpool/Nice/Bali at Easter: would you like to include Jamie in that? would cost you a tenner / grand /small mortgage"

versus

"Would you like to come on holiday with us? Pack a swimsuit"

If you want people to pay, you say so when you first make the suggestion.

merryhouse · 08/01/2022 19:35

Having 6 children my parents rarely invited others along; but I definitely remember one day after A-levels my dad took me and a friend to Alton Towers. He paid for everything for both of us.

Christinatherabbit · 08/01/2022 19:38

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

Really? I couldn't imagine doing this. I would never invite a child I wasnt prepared to pay for myself
Bideyinn · 08/01/2022 19:45

We’ve done it and paid for everything but a bit of spending money sent with the child would have been appreciated

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/01/2022 19:46

Just clarify. When I say invite the child. I mean speak to the parent, we’re going on holiday DS has asked if friend can join us, how would you feel about that? If you are happy for him to join us it would be £xx for the holiday AI. If it’s a yes, then have a chat with child and let us know. If it’s a no, then no problem. Child never needed to know. These are older teens. Not small children.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 08/01/2022 19:49

I would certainly offer and expect to pay.

We have taken friends of our DC on holiday in the past and have covered accom costs (usually rent a house/villa so no increased costs there) but have asked spending money for UK destinations and flights & spending money for overseas destinations.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/01/2022 19:50

Generally, If your dc is invited to go with another family, it's because it's in the interests of that family, usually as company for their child.
So, I don't think they would/should expect all costs to be covered.
As others have said though, the key is communication.
'That sounds lovely, I'm sure dc would be delighted to come. Before I tell her though, could you please just clarify to me what financial contribution you would like from me.'

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 08/01/2022 19:51

Sorry by ‘spending money’ I just mean little spends for ice creams/souvenirs etc, we covered meals.

MadameFantabulosa · 08/01/2022 19:55

We’ve paid for flights for ours, and have covered hotel costs if needed. DD1 went hiking on holiday with a friend and her family in Turkey. They said only to cover the flight and holiday insurance as they had their own holiday home there. DD2 went to Dublin, we covered flights and hotel.

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 08/01/2022 19:55

My friend looked after my son for 2 days during the holidays and took him to lots of fab places but wouldn’t accept any money, but I did offer numerous times and gave her a bottle of champagne!

Hoppinggreen · 08/01/2022 19:56

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

I think with an AI package it would be more than reasonable to expect them to pay
Kitkat151 · 08/01/2022 19:58

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

That sounds a bit cheeky to me🙄
Tillsforthrills · 08/01/2022 20:02

Yes.

We’ve always paid for plane tickets, boarding costs such as food/petrol and make sure DC have spending money.

It’s incredibly kind of them to take them along in the first place and DC have had some amazing holidays with their friends families.

Original poster
SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 20:04

Thanks everyone. It’s me going to be asking to borrow other people’s kids, never done it before and didn’t want to make a faux pas. It would only cost an extra £160 for DCs to both take a friend so I wasn’t going to ask for a contribution. I know one set of parents better than the other and I didn’t want to offend the lesser known ones by saying ‘can I borrow your DC FOC’ as I don’t want them to feel I’m patronising them ( I think their finances are similar to ours though).

I’m really socially awkward with anything money related and always offer to pay Confused

OP posts:
Emerald5hamrock · 08/01/2022 20:14

No.
Well I wouldn't expect a DC to pay for accommodation if I invited them.
Only spending money for a family meal, treats and a bit extra if my DC was a teenager.

Hairyfriend · 08/01/2022 20:14

If it would be awkward to speak to them directly, could you email or text the parents, detailing the plans and rough cost? They can then think about it before having to answer on the spot.

Emerald5hamrock · 08/01/2022 20:16

Only spending money for a family meal, treats and a bit extra if my DC was a teenager.
⏫
Must emphasis I wouldn't ask for this money it is what I'd give my DC to spend.
Messed up above post.

PegasusReturns · 08/01/2022 20:16

In my experience the invitee makes a vague offer of contribution which is immediately batted away by those doing the inviting, except where non/package flights are involved. These are paid for by the invitee.

Everything else is covered by the hosts.

CointreauVersial · 08/01/2022 20:17

I think it's polite to offer, but it depends on the circumstances. Often the incremental costs are small - if there's a spare bed, or seat in a car, for example. And often it suits the family doing the inviting to have their child happy and entertained by having a friend there. But if there are flights involved, or extra rooms, then you should definitely expect to contribute. And if it's more than you can afford, don't be afraid to say no.

We took one of DS's friends to a villa holiday in Italy - his parents (good friends of ours) paid for his flight, but we covered everything else (food and trips). We covered the cost of a bigger hire car (7-seater), but there was a spare bed in the villa anyway.

DD1 went camping with a friend (UK) - they wouldn't accept a penny, so we gave DD1 enough money to take them all out to dinner one night (plus spending money).

As others have said, these things need to be discussed upfront, and if you are trusting someone to care for your child for a week, you should feel comfortable enough to have that conversation.

winterchills · 08/01/2022 20:17

Yes I would expect to pay definitely

Original poster
SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 20:18

@Hairyfriend

If it would be awkward to speak to them directly, could you email or text the parents, detailing the plans and rough cost? They can then think about it before having to answer on the spot.
I think that’s probably the way to go, or I’ll get flustered and witter until I say something embarrassingly dumb Grin
OP posts:
Emerald5hamrock · 08/01/2022 20:18

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)
Don't bother. Very cheeky.

Icenii · 08/01/2022 20:20

Surely if you are offering you say 'would x like to join us, it will be £300 OR we' ll cover costs just send spending money?'

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