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Original poster

Do you pay if another family invites your DC on holiday?

119 replies

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:21

If your DC’s friend’s mum asked them to join a family holiday and money wasn’t mentioned would you be thinking you had to cover DC’s share of the booking cost?

OP posts:
JacquelineCarlyle · 08/01/2022 20:22

@CrystalMaisie

I would ask before I accepted.
This! Why would you do anything else?
Nevermakeit · 08/01/2022 20:32

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

I would see that as unacceptable, if I were the friend's family. What is the point of the invitation? All it does is take away the budget they have for themselves to go away as a family.... (unless the parents can't travel for some reason, or they have absolutely loads of money). I would be livid at receiving and 'invite' like this.

Generally, I would assume if my child is invited I would pay for flights + spending money and they would pay for the rest (accommodation + meals). And would ensure we pay for them all to have a meal all together.

Ohisitreally · 08/01/2022 20:33

Yes I would definitely expect to pay for my childs holiday, particularly if flights are involved.

hohohooooo · 08/01/2022 20:33

Indefinitely would. My Dd went on a holiday with another family and their DD came with us. We just agreed it was a swap and not to pay each other.

Gilly12345 · 08/01/2022 20:51

Taking someone’s child on holiday is not something we ever did, I do not want the company of anyone else than my own family and definitely do not want the responsibility of other people especially in a foreign country.

Theimpossiblegirl · 08/01/2022 20:55

We took another child to the Caribbean. Her parents paid for her fights and hotel, we covered any trips, meals out etc. This was agreed from the start. She was company for DD but also she had the opportunity to go somewhere her parents didn't want to go, so it was win win.

Postdatedpandemic · 08/01/2022 21:03

DD went to a posh school. The basic deal was you paid for economy flights and gave generous pocket money. A UK holiday was generous pocket money and a bottle of champagne. Instruct your child that they should use some pocket money for a take away or multiple ice-creams. Suck it up if you think a kid was under funded, you did the inviting.

2pinkginsplease · 08/01/2022 21:04

We have taken dd’s friends on holiday with us before in the uk and never asked for any money. Accommodation cost us the same price whether the friend was there or not.

If we were going abroad I would ask for the cost of flights and that would be it.

I went on holiday with friends family before and my mum paid for my flights and £100 to cover food, snacks and treats for the fortnight.

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/01/2022 21:09

@Nevermakeit doesn’t your post contradict it’s self a bit, unacceptable to ask them to pay but you would pay for flight? If it’s a package holiday there isn’t a separate cost?

We would cover any trips out, meals out of the hotel etc whilst over there.

The family are not loaded but do go on a couple of trips abroad each year and usually with other families.

I don’t really see it any different to going on a school trip, the benefit being the kid gets to go on holiday with a friend.

busyeatingbiscuits · 08/01/2022 21:09

I’d find it extremely weird if someone invited my kid on their holiday but couldn’t actually afford it?? Who does that Confused
“I’d love to take your kid on holiday as company for mine, oh by the way I haven’t actually budgeted for this so can you just dip into your own holiday funds for me?”

FawnFrenchieMum · 08/01/2022 21:10

@SockFluffInTheBath I can’t see any family being offended by you wanting to borrow their children FOC!

sofakingcool · 08/01/2022 21:20

There's an age gap of 5 years between our sons, DS1 has just turned 18. We're expecting going forward that he may not want to/may not be here to come away with us so plan to offer DS to bring along a friend

There's no way we'd tell the parents they need to pay - we're probably only talking UK holidays so costs fairly small.

If we were offered for someone to take DS away, I'd probably offer money to be polite, and if refused would definitely send plenty of spends for ice creams and enough for an evening meal for all one night. I'd also get a bottle of wine etc to say thanks

MadMadMadamMim · 08/01/2022 21:35

DD went away with a friend whilst at school together. They paid and we gave her spending money. I did ask them what it would cost and they brushed it aside. They were quite wealthy and were going to stay in their holiday villa in Cyprus (or Crete? can't remember!)

We would have turned the invite down if we had been expected to pay. We couldn't afford to shell out money for one child to have a holiday abroad. It would have meant we couldn't afford a family one.

00100001 · 08/01/2022 21:50

When I was inviting, I'd pay for everything (travel, food, accommodation etc) but would expect the parents to offer! I would make it clear they'd only need pocket money for souvenirs/milkshakes/whatever, so if the lads were left to their own devices for a bit. Eg. We went for a wander the town and had a coffee, and sent them off to the arcade/beach/fairground rides etc they'd spend their pocket money on whatever they wanted.

SerenTarot · 08/01/2022 22:04

I'm not well off but I have taken both my son and daughter's friends on holiday at one time or another.

Never expected their parent(s) to pay as I was inviting.

If they asked I just said to give their child spending money, although I always paid for rides, outings, that sort of thing.

Kite22 · 08/01/2022 22:14

I’d find it extremely weird if someone invited my kid on their holiday but couldn’t actually afford it?? Who does that
“I’d love to take your kid on holiday as company for mine, oh by the way I haven’t actually budgeted for this so can you just dip into your own holiday funds for me?”

I haven't myself, but I can see that being a situation where a teen says "Mum, can Fred come on holiday with us? He wants to get some sun / snow / wherever you are going but his parents can't get time off / don't like sun / don't like skiing ?"
Parents who have saved / budgeted for their 5 people holiday thinking, they don't mind having the responsibility of an extra teen, but haven't really budgeted for the extra flight (possibly ski passes / equipment / entry to water park / camel ride/ whatever) are wavering so suggest the compromise of them coming, but covering what it will cost.

Teen is happy as mate is there
Mate is happy as gets holiday he wouldn't otherwise be able to go on
Teen's family happy as they haven't gone overdrawn, but their teen is happier all week
Mate's family is happy as 'Fred' had chance to go on holiday when otherwise wouldn't have been able to.

As so many have said - neither way is right or wrong, it is all about communication

Crazycrazylady · 08/01/2022 22:18

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

God I'd think this was incredibly cheeky . The norm definitely is for a parent to ask, the other one offers a contribution which is rebuffed or partially accepted as a compromise..
SandyPanda · 08/01/2022 22:25

I've taken several children away with us over the years and have always paid.

I wouldn't offer if I expected the other family to pay.

whiteworldgettingwhiter · 08/01/2022 22:29

I would offer! I wouldn't necessarily expect this to be accepted, though (when we have done this, we have not accepted). If they say no, I would send money for meals or ice creams out.

TrophyWinner · 08/01/2022 22:34

I wouldn't be sending my child on holiday with anyone I couldn't have that conversation with.

I'd offer and be perfectly prepared to pay, but IME it's never been taken up. Then I send money and instructions to child to buy the icecreams and flowers when they get back.

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 08/01/2022 22:37

I would always offer... I just can’t help myself...

Postdatedpandemic · 08/01/2022 22:38

I think you have nailed it there @TrophyWinner , if you can't have the conversation, why are you happy to hand over your DC?

Original poster
SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 22:39

Oh god all this talk of the Caribbean and flights, it’s likely to be a weekend at center parcs! I feel positively poor now Grin

OP posts:
HowDOyouspellIt · 08/01/2022 22:41

I've had various scenarios: been asked to pay flight but not accommodation, been asked to contribute overall, been asked to just send spending money, been asked for nothing. In each case the family inviting have made it clear from the outset what the expectation was, and then the decision was mine to make.
In your circumstances I'd would make the offer and say you will cover costs but the children should bring their own spending money.

Original poster
SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 22:41

Background is that the borrowee’s mum works FT, as do I, and our paths have crossed a few times but nothing significant. I’m very awkward with money (brought up to never accept or borrow, always stand my corner and ffs don’t let anyone know you’re poor kind of thing- while attending a naice private school) so I accept I may be over thinking, hence me asking.

OP posts: