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Original poster

Do you pay if another family invites your DC on holiday?

119 replies

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:21

If your DC’s friend’s mum asked them to join a family holiday and money wasn’t mentioned would you be thinking you had to cover DC’s share of the booking cost?

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 09/01/2022 12:46

@Donotgogentle

Agree, except possibly ski pass costs

I’ve paid ski pass costs in the past - usually because we get it all organised in advance so it all goes on one bill. I could recoup the cost but having my teen son have someone to ski with and not harass me to do runs beyond my comfort zone is worth every single penny Grin

Emerald5hamrock · 09/01/2022 13:00

We’ve done it and paid for everything but a bit of spending money sent with the child would have been appreciated.
Clear communication is vital for the situation, never ask a child before clearing expectations with the parents.
It was awful if Mum said no, no as an adult I see it was awful for her too.

Donotgogentle · 09/01/2022 13:00

Sounds like a bargain Smile

Kite22 · 09/01/2022 16:19

you can't invite a child on holiday and then present the parent with a bill!

I think everyone on this thread would agree that you can't invite, and then present with a bill, no-one is suggesting that.
But it is perfectly reasonable to have a chat with the parent - before it is suggested to the child - to say "We are going to X next year and my dc is pestering me to ask if your dc can come with us. I realise not everyone would be happy for another family to take just one of their dc away, and not everyone has the budget and not everyone is happy for people they don't know well to take their child away and not every child is happy to be away from parents for 10 days, so totally understand if you don't want us to ask them, but I'm letting you know we would love for him/her to come, and, if you are happy it looks like it is going to work out at £500pp. If you want to have a think and let me know in a week or so - no pressure either way. We'd love for her to come but understand if it isn't for you".

It doesn't put the friend's family under any pressure and they don't have to give a reason, but for a myriad of reasons, it might be that the family are really appreciative of the opportunity and are more than happy to fund their dc going on holiday with a friend's family (rather than funding them to go on a trip with school / Guides / Scouts / or on their own on a PGL or Outward Bound or Language school or sports camp.) or rather than them not being able to get away.

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/01/2022 16:38

So for all the people who have said I shouldn’t do it. (and I was a bit nervous after reading this thread but had DS nagging away at me, although under strict instructions to not to utter a word to said friend before I spoke to the parents). I messaged and said we are going away and DS has asked if child would be able to come with us. I know it’s a lot of money to find, you may not want him to go abroad with another family or maybe going away yourself etc so absolutely no problem if not but if you do want him to come it’s £xx for two weeks all inclusive, this is a link to the hotel and these are the flight times and dates. Mum replied a few minutes later saying, child would love to come. I need to run it by his dad and when would it need to be paid by. So no hard feelings as far as I can see. I assume child will bring some spending money but any meals, drinks, trips out of the AI we will be happy to cover whilst there.

flippertyop · 09/01/2022 16:43

Gosh - I have a ski chalet. I don't need to bring extra children but I thought it would be a nice experience for some of their friends to come for both of them. But if I was expected to pay for their flights and ski passes as some of you have suggested I now won't do that. I always thought free accommodation and food would be fine - but it seems not!! It's a shame because I was actually thinking about this for next year. I don't mind paying for things we are doing anyway but I have enough kids of my own to pay for without stumping up for other kids flights!!

Hoppinggreen · 09/01/2022 17:30

@FawnFrenchieMum

So for all the people who have said I shouldn’t do it. (and I was a bit nervous after reading this thread but had DS nagging away at me, although under strict instructions to not to utter a word to said friend before I spoke to the parents). I messaged and said we are going away and DS has asked if child would be able to come with us. I know it’s a lot of money to find, you may not want him to go abroad with another family or maybe going away yourself etc so absolutely no problem if not but if you do want him to come it’s £xx for two weeks all inclusive, this is a link to the hotel and these are the flight times and dates. Mum replied a few minutes later saying, child would love to come. I need to run it by his dad and when would it need to be paid by. So no hard feelings as far as I can see. I assume child will bring some spending money but any meals, drinks, trips out of the AI we will be happy to cover whilst there.
As I said before I don’t think asking parents to pay for their child is wrong at all in your circumstances If it was self catering where the only increase is possibly a larger place then I wouldn’t but with a package holiday where it’s a set price per person I think it’s fine
gogohm · 09/01/2022 17:38

I would ask before I accepted what the cost arrangements were, in fact the family inviting should be up front about it. When my dd went with her boyfriends parents they were clear, I pay her flight and they will cover food and accommodation, but suggested she have enough money for drinks and ice creams, she was 18 (just)

mumofEandE · 09/01/2022 17:46

My DD was invited by her friend (both about 14) - a week in Devon about 4 years ago
We had a conversation with the other mum about paying - she said no need just pocket money
So we gave them £70 voucher to a nice local restaurant for when they got back / beer / wine / a couple of cakes to take
We made sure our DD had enough pocket money for ice creams etc
We were of a similar wage bracket to them

HairyScaryMonster · 09/01/2022 18:07

I'd be clear what you're covering or it might cause anxiety and confusion. You could make it clear it'll be a favour to have extra entertainment and make a comment about bringing spending money. Think about if you want a contribution towards food or meals out or ice creams. It can add up.

Emerald5hamrock · 09/01/2022 18:19

Gosh - I have a ski chalet. I don't need to bring extra children but I thought it would be a nice experience for some of their friends to come for both of them.
It would be providing you discussed it with the parents first.
I think it is different when the host owns the place abroad.

ReadySteadyTwins · 09/01/2022 18:38

@Wineat5isfine

I don’t understand why anyone would offer to take someone else’s child on holiday and not expect to pay for all costs?

When I was a lot (a lot) younger, families who invited me on hols didn’t expect payment and when we reciprocated, money didn’t change hands again.

Why would you offer to take a child away and then present a bill?!? It’s actually a little rude in my opinion

Exactly this. If you can't afford to take another child, then don't invite another child.

"Please pay for your child to come on holiday with us, so our DC has the company of your DC" is poor form.

The only times I would accept contributions, are on things like a ski holiday, where I would cover all travel, accommodation and food, but might ask parents to cover additional lift pass for the week. Or if we were doing something specific like PADI I might ask for the cost of the course.

"You don't invite someone then bill them." Absolutely.

Kite22 · 09/01/2022 20:53

....but you could, as the poster above has said, let your dc's teen friends know that,

"If they want to fly out to the ski slopes that week, then they can stay, without paying accommodation costs with you" ......which would make it into a much more affordable holiday than if someone wanted to go, but would struggle to hire a chalet / pay for a hotel.
Ditto accommodation anywhere in the sun.
I've appreciated that back in the day - "If you can get yourself there, it is pretty much a free holiday as you can stay with me" type offers. I wouldn't expect the friend offering / hosting to be out of pocket for hosting me, or, in the case of this thread, my child.

PinkSyCo · 11/01/2022 19:46

@PinkSyCo of course! I plan to ask the parents if they would even consider it before speaking to the child to see if they fancy it

Really? Because your original post doesn’t read that way.

PinkSyCo · 11/01/2022 19:54

It’s actually a LOT rude to accept an offer of a holiday without asking about money beforehand.
‘I’m sure DD would love to come away with your dd but let’s just clarify what the expected cost would be before we confirm’,

True. It’s not as rude as making grand gestures without mentioning that you expect your ‘guest’ to pay for themselves though.

Original poster
SockFluffInTheBath · 11/01/2022 19:55

I sent the message, got accepted with an offer, declined and all is fine. Money and other people stresses me too much Grin

OP posts:
FawnFrenchieMum · 11/01/2022 20:12

@PinkSyCo

* *@PinkSyCo* of course! I plan to ask the parents if they would even consider it before speaking to the child to see if they fancy it

Really? Because your original post doesn’t read that way.

Yes really. I did type we were going to ask DS’s friend but by that I meant ask friends parents before mentioning it to the actual friend. This would be the case whether money was involved or not (and whether a holiday or day out etc) as there are loads of reasons the parent might say no even before costs are involved.
FawnFrenchieMum · 11/01/2022 20:14

@PinkSyCo

* *@PinkSyCo* of course! I plan to ask the parents if they would even consider it before speaking to the child to see if they fancy it

Really? Because your original post doesn’t read that way.

Anyway, spoken to parents, parents said yes, they have paid the deposit today and the child has been added to the booking.
PinkSyCo · 11/01/2022 20:37

Anyway, spoken to parents, parents said yes, they have paid the deposit today and the child has been added to the booking.

Well thank God for well off friends is all I can say!

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