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Original poster

Do you pay if another family invites your DC on holiday?

119 replies

SockFluffInTheBath · 08/01/2022 18:21

If your DC’s friend’s mum asked them to join a family holiday and money wasn’t mentioned would you be thinking you had to cover DC’s share of the booking cost?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 08/01/2022 22:49

I would find out the cost first, and if there wasn't one and it was being covered by the parents, then I'd ensure enough spending money and money to take everyone out for a meal to say thanks.

Wineat5isfine · 08/01/2022 23:05

I don’t understand why anyone would offer to take someone else’s child on holiday and not expect to pay for all costs?

When I was a lot (a lot) younger, families who invited me on hols didn’t expect payment and when we reciprocated, money didn’t change hands again.

Why would you offer to take a child away and then present a bill?!? It’s actually a little rude in my opinion

Soontobe60 · 08/01/2022 23:14

I’ve taken dds friends on holiday and they’ve been away with their friends. Once we flew to the south of France and stayed in a relatives apartment. Friends parents paid for her flight, gave me some money towards food, I made it clear friend needed to have her own spending money , but we did pay for some things. Friend is from a wealthy family, we are not. Took same friend to London for the weekend. She paid for her train ticket and meals, we shared accommodation in hostels so I paid for that. Dd went to eurodisney with a friend. We paid for her meals, entry and gave her spending money. Parents didn’t want money for accommodation as it didn’t cost them no more to take her.

Soontobe60 · 08/01/2022 23:16

@Wineat5isfine

I don’t understand why anyone would offer to take someone else’s child on holiday and not expect to pay for all costs?

When I was a lot (a lot) younger, families who invited me on hols didn’t expect payment and when we reciprocated, money didn’t change hands again.

Why would you offer to take a child away and then present a bill?!? It’s actually a little rude in my opinion

It’s actually a LOT rude to accept an offer of a holiday without asking about money beforehand. ‘I’m sure DD would love to come away with your dd but let’s just clarify what the expected cost would be before we confirm’,
Kite22 · 08/01/2022 23:33

@Wineat5isfine

I don’t understand why anyone would offer to take someone else’s child on holiday and not expect to pay for all costs?

When I was a lot (a lot) younger, families who invited me on hols didn’t expect payment and when we reciprocated, money didn’t change hands again.

Why would you offer to take a child away and then present a bill?!? It’s actually a little rude in my opinion

Well, perhaps read some of the posts on the thread that have answered your question.

When I was a lot (a lot) younger, families who invited me on hols didn’t expect payment and when we reciprocated, money didn’t change hands again.

Completely different when you are "swapping" or "returning the favour like for like". Overwhelmingly, people are talking about one family offering to take a child with them, without there being any follow up, not a turn taking thing.

Arseanall · 08/01/2022 23:42

I’d offer but if they said “no please don’t” I’d make sure I provided spending money or a contribution. We’ve taken our children’s friends on holiday and often their parents have given me a couple of hundred quid towards meals etc, which I’ve accepted. But we are talking 5 star hotels and first class Eurostar in the most recent instance.

Doodar · 08/01/2022 23:53

My DD goes to her friends holiday home abroad, I give the family E500 for her food etc. She then has her own pocket money. We take the friend to a rented villa sometimes, her parents give us the same. Its not equal in the times each of us takes them, that's why we give the euros.

MadameFantabulosa · 09/01/2022 05:16

I’m an only child. When I was in my teens we sometimes took a friend of mine on holiday abroad with us. The parents paid for the holiday, and it was discussed with them before it was discussed with the child. As far as I was aware, our families were in similar financial situations.

bert3400 · 09/01/2022 05:25

We've taken DS friends on holiday before and would never expect any payment. But some parents have offered, some haven't - sometimes the child brings extra money to treat us to a meal as a thank you - but funnily it normally gets spent in a gift shop on Tatt Grin

Mumdiva99 · 09/01/2022 05:36

No you can't invite a child and expect payment. An invitation is just that. If you can't afford to take them please don't ask.

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 09/01/2022 05:48

@Ionlydomassiveones

I thought it was a lovely gesture until I offered something towards it and they asked for £1,500. (Camping, Croatia) Hmm

I then said we couldn’t afford our own family holiday and I certainly wasn’t subsidising theirs…

Grin exactly! what did they say to that? @Ionlydomassiveones
JustLyra · 09/01/2022 07:20

I think it’s horrifically rude to invite a child on holiday, which is basically usually to make life easier as they’re company for your child, and then expect their parents to fork out for it. If they offer money toward it fine, but if you invite them you pay imo. It’s not remotely comparable to inviting an adult friend on holiday.

There’s also a special place in twat-ville for people who suggest/mention these things to children before speaking to the parent first. That can leave the parent in the position of having to be the bad guy if they have to say no.

user1471538283 · 09/01/2022 07:52

When my DS was younger I took and paused for his friend and his friends parents took and paid for him so it was even.

With day trips to theme parks I expected the entry to be covered.

ashorterday · 09/01/2022 07:56

@FawnFrenchieMum

Interesting post as we’re about to ask DS’s friend if he would like to go abroad with us but would be asking the family to pay for him (all inclusive hotel trip)

We’ve taken friends on UK holidays and never asked or accepted any payment as accommodation and transport would be the same regardless. We also cover any meals etc whilst there.

How old are they? I'd expect parents to run it past me first before getting my dc excited about a trip I may not be able to afford.
Donotgogentle · 09/01/2022 08:14

@PegasusReturns

In my experience the invitee makes a vague offer of contribution which is immediately batted away by those doing the inviting, except where non/package flights are involved. These are paid for by the invitee.

Everything else is covered by the hosts.

Agree, except possibly ski pass costs.
QueenofDestruction · 09/01/2022 08:23

If I issued the invitation, I would pay. I am sure inviting the child is more of an advantage to the inviters than the invitee as they want company for their child. If it was too expensive you could spend that money on your own holiday with your child.

Onehotmessiah · 09/01/2022 08:27

I don’t see how it’s cheeky to ask someone to pay for their own child to go on holiday?! Parents can say no if they can’t afford it/don’t want to pay. If someone asked my child I would 100% expect and offer to cover the additional cost of my DC going (or a contribution if it’s uk and already enough seats & bedrooms). I just can’t fathom any other way!

2DogsOnMySofa · 09/01/2022 08:40

If I was inviting a child then I'd expect to pay for them. A contribution towards the costs, if offered, would be gratefully received, but I'd never expect it

Riverlee · 09/01/2022 08:46

If I was inviting the child, then I would pay, especially if it costs me no extra (eg. Guest dc taking fourth begin cottage etc). I would expect guest dc to bring spending money (for sweets, souvenirs etc, not for meals).

If I was the parent of the guest dc, then I would check the criteria first.

JustLyra · 09/01/2022 08:47

@Onehotmessiah

I don’t see how it’s cheeky to ask someone to pay for their own child to go on holiday?! Parents can say no if they can’t afford it/don’t want to pay. If someone asked my child I would 100% expect and offer to cover the additional cost of my DC going (or a contribution if it’s uk and already enough seats & bedrooms). I just can’t fathom any other way!
It’s cheeky because it instantly puts a pressure on the parent to find money they weren’t expecting to find, or to have to tell you that they can’t afford it.

And in my experience people often assume it’ll be fine and it gets brought up in front of the children which puts you in the position of having to disappoint your own child and theirs by saying no.

ittakes2 · 09/01/2022 08:54

I would offer. And if they say no then as a min send him with spending money.
All lot depends on the age - a 17 year old teen? I don't think its wrong to say we can take him or her with us but it will cost X. But not a small child.

Emerald5hamrock · 09/01/2022 08:58

If we're going to be honest most of the time a child friend is invited is done because they'll entertain our DC and keep them company therefore the host pays.
It would be robbery hitting another family with a large invoice with the invite.
I know my mums heart dropped when we were randomly invited places she was very poor.

DontCallMeBaby · 09/01/2022 10:25

We were the inviters. It was all for our benefit - DD is an only child and generally had a nicer time on holiday with a friend along. Always in the UK, so no flights. Accommodation - as a family of three you usually end up with accommodation that sleeps at least four anyway, so no extra cost. A bit more for food, obviously. Sometimes more for activities but not always - having an extra child sometimes meant they did a thing together rather than one or both adults needing to join in.

It was almost always the same child, and her parents would send cash in an envelope, and we’d send it back with her. Thinking about it now, we probably should have used a bit to pay for a meal or something, but it never seemed necessary.

I don’t think I’d ever have extended an invite without intending to pay for all of it. The way I saw it, we only have one DC to pay for throughout the year, one extra for a week or two in the summer isn’t going to break the bank.

The only time it was reversed was actually a trip to CenterParcs OP! We sent DD with spends. I suspect it cost the parents less than if she’d not gone - their DD was the only one left at home by that point so effectively an only. When we went to CP we always spent loads on activities, whereas for that trip they mostly just hung out together.

whatthehelldowecare · 09/01/2022 11:06

We are taking DSD's friend away with us in the summer, costing around £800 more for her to come with her flight and an extra person there for a week (AI hotel). Her mum offered to pay her share, but wouldn't have dreamed of accepting. We just said to send her with some spending money. I ended up playing down how much it cost to her mum because it was all so awkward. We're not particularly well off and paying for DSDs friend will mean we probably can't get another separate week away ourselves, but you can't invite a child on holiday and then present the parent with a bill!

Piggyk2 · 09/01/2022 11:07

@Bideyinn

We’ve done it and paid for everything but a bit of spending money sent with the child would have been appreciated
This is exactly why I don't see the point of inviting someone else's child along. It seems like a recipe for disaster!