Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

The key thing is not to fret too much - you're not on the pull! :)

You're also not expected to be broadway-quality accurate - go with whatever accessories you can stand, cigarette holder, pearls, gloves.

@Diditopknot..well..non compulsary boobscreens good...
i live laugh love pyjamas.
but in a non proffesional stylee/nobody cares.
maybe treat yourself to positionworthy fancier pjs. cos your brilliant.

Big nope from me. Many times I've pulled myself together, braced myself, etc etc - and it's been awful. Life is too short. I'd make an excuse.

OP a friend had a 20s themed hen do a few years ago. Everyone except me was teeny tiny and wore flapper dresses. I went for black wide leg trousers and white shirt tucked in, and created a semblance of a waist with a cummerbund. Then I wore a thin scarf tied like a tie with a low loose knot (if you know what I mean) and found a sort of bohemian kimono type thing. I already had some low heeled Mary Jane shoes. Fake long pearls, cigarette holder with fake ciggie, another scarf in my curled my hair and looked the business. All other women at the do were wearing flapper dresses but I felt good rather than the odd one out. I was terrified as fancy dress isn’t always kind to us larger women but weirdly created this bohemian alter ego who called everyone darling and had a whale of a time. Quite weird thinking back 😂

Sparkly loose dress: www.evans.co.uk/plus-size-dress-sparkle-stripe-211114black?catfilter=eyJpZCI6IjEyNzkxIn0%3D

Sequin top:

www.evans.co.uk/plus-size-top-alora-206424blkbronze

Sequinned Kimono with all black and some 1920’s accessories:

www.evans.co.uk/sequin-kimono-silver

One needs to network oneself amongst one’s colleagues.., see, I do can be fancy.

WFH means I won’t really get to see them face to face much in the future so I want to take the opportunity to see them. Also the workforce is spread far and wide U.K. wide so again, won’t work in an office daily or anything.

Looking at it like it’s a “one off”.

Uhhhhh, forced corporate party ho ho's, yuck, anyway. Find yourself a 1920's Duster coat, feels like you are wearing your dressing down.

Loads on Etsy, I have a velvet teal one, covers all sins and low hanging nipples (which in fact were popular as no bra's or boobs were flattened in '20's). Double winning!

www.etsy.com/market/1920s_duster_coat

"Would you believe it I left my costume at home" and wear your regular clothes!!

just go to the dinner, it will be more formal work chit chat whilst sitting at the table. Once the meal finishes quietly slip away to your room - if anyone asks just say you had a headache. I have had these and feel similar to you - I like to socialise but just not with work people - that i find painful.

Cape top in the sale:

www.yoursclothing.co.uk/yours-london-black-diamante-cape-top-157547-p

Sequin top:

www.yoursclothing.co.uk/luxe-embellished-sweetheart-bls-p

Sequin top again…

www.yoursclothing.co.uk/luxe-black-sequin-embellished-top-157939-p

[quote Dearblossom]Uhhhhh, forced corporate party ho ho's, yuck, anyway. Find yourself a 1920's Duster coat, feels like you are wearing your dressing down.

Loads on Etsy, I have a velvet teal one, covers all sins and low hanging nipples (which in fact were popular as no bra's or boobs were flattened in '20's). Double winning!

www.etsy.com/market/1920s_duster_coat[/quote]
Wow those are fab.

@Diditopknot OMG I feel your pain.

I got a brilliant new job, charity sector, amazing organisation. Was invited to leadership development conference 2 days before I started. I thought it would be a great opportunity to meet people.

After accepting, I got the joining instructions which included " bring your guitar, your songs, your instruments - we will have a great party "

At the airport (on the way to the conference) I met some of my new colleagues. They did indeed have guitars. And knitting (male colleague). And a pet dog.

At the conference one of my new colleagues (the most senior director who would report to me) told me that he was in love with the CEO.

I spent the whole time nodding wisely and trying to wake myself up from the awful dream.

It was bizzare but it was actually an increduble job, and I loved every moment of it.

I'd quit the job. I'm too old to play dress-up & have some boss mucking me about like that.

Get the book feel the fear and do it anyway. Push yourself out of the comfort zone you are in. I’m the same I have social anxiety but often feel better for attending and sometimes even enjoy myself. It will also give you chance to get to know your workmates.

There is always I’ve tested positive on a lateral flow failing all else

@Rrrob

My idea of hell too but I think you need to go. I have someone in my team who makes excuses for all of these things and it’s really frustrating.

But what is the need for those sorts of events? Especially out of work hours?

Many people (me included) would hate anything 'themed' Why put people through the embarrassment?

Just go in a nice non 20s evening outfit. I very much doubt everyone will do the fancy dress. That sounds to me like all the company dos I've ever been to that state a dress code more for inspiration than as a definite requirement. Some people dress up and most stick with the outfit they want to wear.

If you had to take a cigarette holder and fake cigarette, possibly one of those fringed beaded tiaras if you wanted to push the boat out and brush up on 20s lingo.

I hate this kind of thing, forced fun with people you don't yet know. I'd probs my say "sounds
great" and then have a positive lateral flow.....

Many congratulations on your job! You sounds like a wonderful person (and very similar to me). I was overjoyed that my team’s Christmas dinner coincided with my annual leave; I really struggle in groups too. I don’t have much advice for the do but I think you should start to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Perhaps attend activities where you don’t have to engage with people but the activity is in a group. I have found yoga has helped me enormously and it’s lovely seeing seeing regular faces, who I now chat to. Rather than hiding myself away, I go to concerts and theatre, and travel solo. All these give me plenty of opportunity to meet strangers. The best thing I did last month was to take myself (alone) to a comedy club. I plonked myself on the front row. Nobody was seated next to me. I felt like a dick for sure. But I got picked on by the comedian to explain why I was alone. It was so much fun! Sorry for this rambling post. My point is that, as an introvert, I think it’s important to get out there in any way you find enjoyable. That will feed into other situations and make them easier. Please report back

Just think, you'll probably never have to do this again. Once you've actually started there and gotten established, it will be really easy to just be busy whenever these events come up. But I do think that for this first one you need to show willing.

I disagree with PP about getting fancy dress, wear something smart that you feel comfortable in and just apologise saying you didn’t have time to buy something for the dress code! I imagine that there’ll be quite a few people not dressed up. When you get there just take it as an opportunity to get to know your new colleagues, and order yourself a mocktail so you can feel included without actually drinking.

@Diditopknot

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing. Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

I actually had a similar event to go to! I had to dress in 20s clothes! I’ve got them here in a bag ready to recycle. I actually think that the fact you don’t drink is a big plus. You won’t be embarrassing yourself. I think just go for plain and simple dress. I went to great expense and no one even glanced at me or would have remembered I was there. I even spent 60£ on Spanx that were never worn again. No one else really cares and they are only thinking of their own outfit. I’d keep it really simple and as long as you look groomed and presentable that’s fine I’m sure. Good luck

Been here recently. But it was camping. Sharing a tent with my new boss. Literally my idea of hell. Good luck!

Congratulations!
This is the sort of stuff that the extroverts in the office come up with and the 50% of the office who are introverts f@cking hate. Because no one complains, the extroverts think everyone loves it….but introverts don’t complain.
Ban it when your in charge OP, for now, know that half of those in the room agree with you!

Can you do it as if you were an actor in a play?

I do have to say that I am middle aged and very overweight but went to a 20s party one time for a dear friend's birthday and have never had so many compliments. I had loads of pictures taken and the host loved what I wore. I had my hair done specially with a clip in it I hot glued together with a necklace that made a 20s headband sort of thing. My dress was given to me from a friend. She said she bought it cheaply from Amazon.

For me, dressing up and wearing make up is kind of like armour for such social events. It helps me hide real me and be pretend-social-me. I get ready for battle by putting it all on. Would approaching it that way help?

I also sometimes retire to the loo and read a book for a few minutes to have a breather.

Maybe a quiet word with your new boss that you find work socials like this difficult, that you plan to come but would it be ok if you leave a bit early if you are tired out.

Maybe rather than dressing in 1920s clothing, you could riff on a theme of the technology and advances of the 1920s. Radio, film, cars, PENICILLIN and flight all were commercialized in the 20s. Maybe a comfy black outfit and a ‘newspaper’ with headlines about the discoveries of the day?