Excruciating situation that I had DEFINITELY NOT thought through. What am I going to do?!

[Diditopknot]

Absolutely delighted to have landed myself a dream job that is just amazing and life changing.
Before I tell you my issue I need to tell you that I suffer from a degree of social anxiety.

I never EVER go to works do’s, party’s, weddings, leaving do’s birthday parties, pubs…ever. I don’t drink alcohol, I don’t own any “going out clothing”.
I’m considerably overweight, old and very introvert.

I have been invited by my new employer to a “company meeting “ which takes place in a hotel over 2 days. Very keen to attend, can’t wait to get started with this amazing opportunity.

The info about the “meeting “ arrived, all good until I get to the bottom… You are invited to dinner at said hotel, meet at 7pm for cocktails, Meal at 8pm, dress code ….1920’s Gatsby “
The whole thing, hotel & train tickets all paid for by the company.

What the fuck am I going to do?
It is so far removed from what I feel comfortable with,
There’s no way I would ever agree to going to something like this!!!!

I used to make excuses for this kind of shit. Now I just say no! Luckily my workplace values my work.

Tricky for the op though, given it is the first time. I'd probably try to show my face and then be 'busy' every night for the next two years.

Kimono jackets were very 'in' during the 1920s.
You could wear one with wide-leg trousers and a simple t-shirt, then add the headband for a few minutes.
1920s style earrings would maybe be more comfortable for you?

OP if a dress isn't your thing what about some palazzo evening trousers www.next.co.uk/style/ls246308/R50926#R50926
with a black floaty top. These shoes https://www.boden.co.uk/en-gb/pointed-toe-mary-jane-shoes-black/sty-a1154-blk?cat=C1S22_G11

Chuck on a black feather boa and a glittery band and you're good to go.

Something like this?

I think I want one of these!

I would think that there would be other people there,who are worried about all the things that you are bothered about, so try and go forth with this do. If you dress up in some kind of flapper clothes, you will probably feel quite glam, especially after a few early cocktails downed. You can do the Charleston dance later, as a party piece.!!

Such a lovely thread .I'm voting for the seasalt crushed velvet with opaque black tights .
Also love the fringed kimono .
And both shoe suggestions are great .

You do realise that we are going to need to know what you chose and how it went .
Just imagine the huge crowd of us here willing you on !

I found myself in this situation.
Don’t make the mistake I made. Drinking in the hotel room and then spend the night with your head in the toilet. That was not my finest moment.

Anyway. This is nice

I think I'd try to view it as a presentation.

I don't like the dresses so would go in something like this:

I actually really like a lot of the men's fashions from around that time period!

You obviously have a fabulous sense of humour! They will think you are great! Sometimes it’s the build up to the event that causes the most anxiety for me, so I just do baby steps… have a shower (don’t need to plan anything else) then dry my hair (but again, don’t think about the next thing) and so on! I find that helps me. Hope you can find a way to enjoy it even in a small way as it sounds like you have found an amazing opportunity. Very best of luck! Xx

[quote ponkydonkey]1920's doesn't have to be tiny flapper dresses

Biba have some lovely 20's inspired dresses and tops

www.houseoffraser.co.uk/brand/biba/deco-sequin-dress-657572#colcode=65757206[/quote]
Wow that's gorgeous @ponkydonkey 😍

I'm not sure about trousers and jacket - wouldn't you need to be quite confident to pull that off ?

Anyway ,thought I'd pop this on here to help with the tits down to the knees ,
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4442527-non-wired-bras-big-boobs

OP, how about something like this over a plain black top and trousers? Add in a beaded headband and you’re done, without looking too showy.

Whitewed Women's 1920 Fringe Capelet Beaded Formal Shawl Poncho Formal Wrap Cape Scarf www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08DHR91GF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_40793JXZN2PTGJN3FZFA?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It’s worth noting that all the celebrities at red carpet events promoting their movies view all that as part of their job. They’re not delighted to see their movie for the 800th time (most sneak out once they’re in), and they’re not delighted to wear uncomfortable clothes or talk nonsense to journalists or appear on talk shows, but they do it because it is good for their careers. So, treat it as your job, and this night it’s your job to be pleasant and charming. Here’s some good small talk ideas to ask people:

Pets
Hobbies
Where they live and what they like best about it
Work stuff - what they like best, what would it look like if it was perfect, how you think your work could help theirs and vice versa.

Just remember that 50% of the people there are introverts and at least 70% of them would happily put their feet in the fire than before there. Making it an easy experience for them would get you a lot of brownie points from the get go.

@Boscoforever

I think I want one of these!

Love these, over a black top and trousers with a string of pearls, perfect

onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/kimonos-one-hundred-stars/products/stork-slate-grey-kimono

especially this one!

onehundredstars.co.uk/collections/kimonos-one-hundred-stars/products/stork-slate-grey-kimono

Or this one has a very 20s vibe

I'm surprised this is allowed in Covid times.
You could say you're avoiding gatherings because of that?
I think it's quite a lot for someone not used to socialising at all.

Good luck op. Glad to see some pps have recommended a Gatsby or gangster style outfit - so much easier than a flapper dress. Something like this? And you might actually get some wear out of the trousers and blouse on your office days.

I love those kimonos. I’d go for the ankle length one for me personally.

Maybe speak to your boss quietly and explain you do not really like socialising ect and will go to the meeting but not the after party.
Explain it's nothing personal but you just don't like it, I'm the same never go to anything. X

An older woman of traditional stature in the 1920s would not be wearing flapper styles. That was for skinny young girls. You'll get away with a loose fitting knee length dress in a semi lux fabric eg: Matte silks/Rayons in dark colours. Devoré or prints. Themes in prints would be geometric/ancient Egypt. Dress for the age of you and the times. Funnily enough the contemporary "Langen look" is a good comfortable approximation - skirt to the knee and tunic to fingertip length and long ropes of beads. Heels weren't high (2" tops) and a sensible strap would be ok- like a "character shoe" with a Louis heel in satin or a coloured leather - funnily enough Hotter did some good styles for this. Look for "Valetta" or similar for inspiration on eBay. So you can be comfortable.
Am an art historian and seamstress as well as an older woman of traditional stature.

@Rrrob

My idea of hell too but I think you need to go. I have someone in my team who makes excuses for all of these things and it’s really frustrating.

Why? Why does it matter that one person doesn't want to go when other people do and you (presumably) enjoy yourselves? I can't understand why people want to force others to socialise.

And fancy dress is really really tedious. I think I'd plead covid symptoms and not go.

Congratulations OP!! Sounds amazing!

Please don’t pull out of the evening event - it’s a great chance to get to know your new colleagues and I expect it won’t be as bad as you think once you are there.

Don’t over think the outfit. I would wear smart “going out” type clothes - a black dress or black trousers - or whatever you are comfortable in, and just get some accessories that are 1920’s…maybe a beaded shawl, head band etc. Don’t go too tacky and too overboard but do something.

Be comfortable though and try not to stress out too much.

I am also plus size and the thought of dressing up kills me too! I’ve done 1920’s and just accessorised and it was fine!

OP I'd highly recommend this book, which has lots of tips and coping mechanisms for dealing with excruciating work scenarios if they're not your thing. Eg. 'Networking and coffee' events (which make my blood run cold) - set a goal like talk to two new people then allow yourself to leave.

Set a couple of goals for the evening then be kind to yourself and consider an early night!

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0141029196/ref=cmswwrcppapiglttfabc1AR9P6PSYYN4379FVR0F

You lot are belting!

(Apart from the sparkly top that over £100!! Wowzers!!)

Great links..especially love the bras for dangly knee boobs thank you for that.
I still shall not be sporting a bra on work days but shall make an effort on special occasions.

Oh there’s no doubt that they are going to bloody love me, I’m hilarious!
Just not amongst large groups of new people, in settings that are posh and fancy where I can’t wear my pyjamas.

Im looking forward to meeting them all.
I can’t wait to experience this new life.
I’m so excited to be able to do my job fully, brilliantly and without the muddy waters of the broken shit cake that is the NHS.

Exciting times ahead!!