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Original poster

Jeez! Performance parenting is driving me insane!

437 replies

ChilledFizz · 03/01/2022 17:09

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

OP posts:
BigButtons · 04/01/2022 13:37

performance parenting has nothing to do with engaging with the child and teaching them things.
Performance parenting is seeking attention and boasting through the medium of the child. It has very little to do with the child and everything to do with the parent's need for attention and self validation.

Sammy900 · 04/01/2022 13:38

There's nothing wrong with talking and engaging with your child in a genuine way when out and about

....just don't rope anyone else into it, speak for an audience sake or presume others are listening/interested

Prinnny · 04/01/2022 13:39

@Letsallscreamatthesistene I think you missed the sarcasm in that posters response 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Sammy900 · 04/01/2022 13:40

@BigButtons

performance parenting has nothing to do with engaging with the child and teaching them things. Performance parenting is seeking attention and boasting through the medium of the child. It has very little to do with the child and everything to do with the parent's need for attention and self validation.
I agree with this

That's why it's annoying, it's fake and other people really aren't bothered they are just going about their own business

3mealsaday · 04/01/2022 13:41

@Letsallscreamatthesistene. What do you want me to do? Read a story to them? Play Simon says. Talk to them. God forbid!

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/01/2022 13:41

@Snoken

I have a family with two performance parents and a child living near me and just seeing them gives me the rage. Also, both parents dress like overgrown toddlers for some reason. Always in colourful wellies, regardless of the weather, huge bobble hats, knitted scarfs with cats on them etc. The dad also has this huge mustach with the twisted ends. Looks ridiculous. They are constantly out walking their toddler son, all three of them jumping in puddles, balancing on walls, sitting in the grass verge of a fairly busy road looking at insects. Everything they say sound like something off CBBC, that poor kid will speak like a toddler for the rest of his life.
No, he really won't.

We've never done the baby-speak thing either but I can guarantee he's not going to be talking like that by the time he's of school age. I have to say those walks sound great: a love of nature is a great gift to give a child (thankfully one handed on to me by my grandfather, which I'm now instilling into my own child).

First rule of parenting: there will always be someone standing on the sidelines tutting, judging, and suggesting you are getting it wrong. It's the best lesson there is in developing a thick skin.

On the subject of judgement, there's a big difference between Calligraphy Granny name-dropping the local private school and loud overenthusiasm at the Science Museum. The first might admittedly have given me a quiet laugh up my sleeve at her expense. As for the second, failure to converse in whispers doesn't equal Performance Parenting. I think it's great to hear a bit of enthusiasm for learning. People would be quick to sit in judgement of the opposite.

TheWildHunt · 04/01/2022 13:41

@BigButtons

performance parenting has nothing to do with engaging with the child and teaching them things. Performance parenting is seeking attention and boasting through the medium of the child. It has very little to do with the child and everything to do with the parent's need for attention and self validation.
I agree and understand the difference.

However IME many in the public don't and can and do comment on perfectly normal parenting often with some apparent desire to shame the parents - which is often another thing parents have to contend with out in public.

StellaGibson118 · 04/01/2022 13:42

Honestly, I'd absolutely love it if my kids ate healthily. I admire parents who have cracked that one. My daughter is 9 and has been a restrictive eater since she was weaned onto food. My other two eat a variety but I don't think they are particularly healthy overall. They are always offered but it gets left.

ldontWanna · 04/01/2022 13:43

@BigButtons

performance parenting has nothing to do with engaging with the child and teaching them things. Performance parenting is seeking attention and boasting through the medium of the child. It has very little to do with the child and everything to do with the parent's need for attention and self validation.
True.

The issue is a lot of people also use it to describe completely normal and innocuous interactions between parents and children,as evidenced by this thread.

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 13:44

My parent certainly didn't jump in puddles with me or spoke to me like anything else but a grown-up.

That's really sad.

StellaGibson118 · 04/01/2022 13:44

@Snoken

I have a family with two performance parents and a child living near me and just seeing them gives me the rage. Also, both parents dress like overgrown toddlers for some reason. Always in colourful wellies, regardless of the weather, huge bobble hats, knitted scarfs with cats on them etc. The dad also has this huge mustach with the twisted ends. Looks ridiculous. They are constantly out walking their toddler son, all three of them jumping in puddles, balancing on walls, sitting in the grass verge of a fairly busy road looking at insects. Everything they say sound like something off CBBC, that poor kid will speak like a toddler for the rest of his life.
Maybe try having more fun? You might not be so uptight about how other's choose to live. Jump in a puddle every now and then, it's good fun. And no, I don't do this all the time. I also like the sound of how they dress and present themselves, they sound like they don't give a fuck about the opinions of people like you.
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/01/2022 13:45

[quote 3mealsaday]@Letsallscreamatthesistene. What do you want me to do? Read a story to them? Play Simon says. Talk to them. God forbid![/quote]
Literally any of these things. As long as they're not being disrultive and leaping around the waiting room.

liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 13:45

I just let my DC jump on the chairs. They're great for playing 'the floor is lava' now they're spaced out a bit. I get a few dirty looks from the receptionist and other patients but at least no one can accuse me of performance parenting.

Ah I don't know - the performance parent practices gentle parenting and gives the same fond smile on eye contact. They'll sit at playgroup looking loving on while little Otis runs round snatching toys and whacking them on the heads of other dc. 'Oh he's very strong minded, going to be a leader' they'll announce proudly to the room. They'll misread the scowls at chair lava child as awe.

Pleasebeafleabite · 04/01/2022 13:46

@takealettermsjones

I've been judged for this before.

My kid loves doing all the animal noises. We were on a bus and she kept wanting to get off the seat, so I started asking her animal noises to distract her. There was one that she had persistently got wrong, but this time she got it right. I gave her loads of praise because I was genuinely happy that she had got it, and she was happy and laughing too, so all good I thought. We were speaking at normal volume and I hadn't given a second's thought to whether anyone could hear tbh.

A woman a couple of seats behind us snorted and said "it's an animal noise, she's hardly Oxford material".

Felt great. 👍

Sorry but I laughed Grin

One for overheard on the bus

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/01/2022 13:46

@snoken puddle jumping is great

SafeMove · 04/01/2022 13:46

@StellaGibson118 my DD (10) is the same. I think its sensory. Hates 'mixed up' food, gravy, hot food, spice etc. Her two older brothers eat everything and anything. Don't think it is anything to do with parenting and everything to do with personality with my DD. She eats healthily but in a very narrow range. Hoping she grows out of it!

3mealsaday · 04/01/2022 13:47

@Letsallscreamatthesistene. But it was the doctor herself who told me they needed more active play!

BlusteryLake · 04/01/2022 13:48

@Prinnny

Ah, performance parenting, the insult of the disengaged Grin
Love this, and so true!
StellaGibson118 · 04/01/2022 13:49

One of my best memories of being a child was when my dad (host of MH problems and addiction) let himself go one day when we were out in public (but no one was around). He started to copy everything I did. So I skipped and he skipped with me, I jumped and he jumped. I had quite a dark childhood and my dad was a total b*stard for 99% of the time, but that moment was so fun. I laughed my head off and I smile now when I remember it at 33.

It's OK to let go sometimes. If, like me, you've had experience of trauma then your inner child hasn't been let out a lot over your lifetime. I highly recommend embracing it every now and then, it's good for your soul.

liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 13:50

The issue is a lot of people also use it to describe completely normal and innocuous interactions between parents and children,as evidenced by this thread.

I guess it can be hard to put in to words but you know when you witness it 😆

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/01/2022 13:51

[quote 3mealsaday]@Letsallscreamatthesistene. But it was the doctor herself who told me they needed more active play![/quote]
Yeah but not in the waiting room of a professional place. Come on, context is everything. There are patients waiting there for potentially life changing news. There are elderly and frail patients who find children leaping about the chairs quite intimidating. Use some reason.

Do it at home, in the park, on a walk.

BlusteryLake · 04/01/2022 13:52

@georgarina

Just overheard a parent saying "I've brought you risotto to have before your ballet lesson 😂
Isn't that just a parent telling their child what they are having to eat and what's happening next, and you deciding that anyone who eats risotto and does ballet is automatically pretentious? Sounds more like performance judgement than performance parenting.
liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 13:52

My kid loves doing all the animal noises. We were on a bus and she kept wanting to get off the seat, so I started asking her animal noises to distract her. There was one that she had persistently got wrong, but this time she got it right. I gave her loads of praise because I was genuinely happy that she had got it, and she was happy and laughing too, so all good I thought. We were speaking at normal volume and I hadn't given a second's thought to whether anyone could hear tbh.

To be fair I'd not see that as performance as it sounds like you were engaged solely in your child, not looking around for validation however I'd probably think animal noises on a public bus a bit anti social 😅

EveningOverRooftops · 04/01/2022 13:55

Me and dc had a discussion on quantum mechanics and friends 8yo was asking questions in a very WTAF are you in about way. We got some looks. But we also get looks when she tells people to fuck off and us to fuck off and that everyone is a fucking bitch (PDA if you’re curious, Mine is add)

DC can only engage in conversation when walking so we have all kinds of weird conversations when out and about.

You should hear us when we discuss the finer points of socialism, capitalism, Marxism and communism.

If getting your child engaged in the wider world is a performance I am guilty as charged. Shame so many adults are not as engaged with difficult topics especially with their kids. We probably wouldn’t have this epidemic of apathy and wilful ignorance.

Pleasebeafleabite · 04/01/2022 13:55

You know this whole thread sounds like its full of a bunch of miserable, jealous toss pots who want to the joy out of life for everyone else because they don't like seeing people excited or enthuastic about something

On the contrary coming across an instance of PP makes my day

Unfortunately this thread which should be full of juicy examples has been taken over by the offended lacking in nuance

Swipe left for the next trending thread