Jeez! Performance parenting is driving me insane!

[ChilledFizz]

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

i think the only time i ever 'performance' parented, and got thanks/praise for it was at a soft play.

DS is autistic and can be a bit rough.. he was running around with a group of other boys who were ALL being a bit rough, and being led on a bit, the others were being ignored by their parents.

The older kids aren't meant to be in the baby/toddler side of the thing and they were dodging in and out of there to the upset of some of the mums with little's in there.

I pointedly walked up to the edge and very loudly said "DS, you come out of there RIGHT NOW.. you ARE NOT allowed in there, and you're going to hurt someone, if you don't stop that, we will be going HOME."

I do it because to get ds to understand i have to be clear about what he's doing wrong, why he's doing it, and what will happen as a consequence.. its normal for us, i just did it.. kinda, louder/sterner than i usually would... treated it like when i worked in nursery/as a TA

He removed himself, the other parents suddenly looked up and sheepishly called their own kids over.. a couple of the mums in the baby area said thank you to me.

I'm not in the habit of performance parenting, but i am certainly not above loudly parenting to make a point about other kids behaviour. (sorrynotsorry)

This is a fucking weird thread. If you’re angry that parents are talking to their toddlers or trying to teach them about the world around them, maybe take a deep breath and a long look in the mirror.

I had to take my kid to the doctors recently, and obviously there was a big wait. After a while my son starts getting grumpy so I dig around in my bag and the only thing I’ve got to interest him in there is a little set of ABC flash cards. I remember putting him on my lap and worrying that someone would think that I was “performance parenting”.
But then if I hadn’t entertained him and he got grotty and sulky I’d be a bad mum.

You literally cannot win.

It is so sad to bully people just for talking to their children.

Jesus Christ some of you need to find some ways to fill your life

I mean the boy is about 3 years old now, and they still refer to themselves as mummy and daddy and they don't speak in full sentences to him.

Er, thats normal.

Is there an appropriate socially approved age at which you should stop saying mummy or daddy or calling yourself mummy or daddy?

I'd like to know what exactly is wrong with talking to a toddler in a toddler way?

Lets ban CBBC cos if its a bad thing to do, clearly the channel is doing harm and needs to be taken off air.

Start a petition and get it link up here quick smart.

@Mumoblue

This is a fucking weird thread. If you’re angry that parents are talking to their toddlers or trying to teach them about the world around them, maybe take a deep breath and a long look in the mirror.

I had to take my kid to the doctors recently, and obviously there was a big wait. After a while my son starts getting grumpy so I dig around in my bag and the only thing I’ve got to interest him in there is a little set of ABC flash cards. I remember putting him on my lap and worrying that someone would think that I was “performance parenting”.
But then if I hadn’t entertained him and he got grotty and sulky I’d be a bad mum.

You literally cannot win.

I just let my DC jump on the chairs. They're great for playing 'the floor is lava' now they're spaced out a bit. I get a few dirty looks from the receptionist and other patients but at least no one can accuse me of performance parenting.

My DS is deaf. After his implant surgery, I had to talk to him about everything to expose him to language. And loudly because... You know... he's deaf.

I'm glad I wasn't on here then. I'd have been the worst of performance parents.

@Franklyfrost

It is so sad to bully people just for talking to their children.

Isnt it?!

Ill carry on talking to my nearly 2yo the same as always, regardless of the number of bellends that seem to be around, according to this thread.

If someone gets offended by me saying 'oooh Eddie, can you see some birds/dogs/cows/sheep? What noise do they make?' loudly to get his attention whilst on a walk then that says more about them than me.

I'm an enthusiastic parent and constantly talk to my DC. Couldn't give a rats arse if people call that performance parenting, I've been doing this since before these stupid labels existed. Certainly don't do it for the benefit of people around me, I do it because that's how I parent. So far so good.

@StationaryMagpie

i think the only time i ever 'performance' parented, and got thanks/praise for it was at a soft play.

DS is autistic and can be a bit rough.. he was running around with a group of other boys who were ALL being a bit rough, and being led on a bit, the others were being ignored by their parents.

The older kids aren't meant to be in the baby/toddler side of the thing and they were dodging in and out of there to the upset of some of the mums with little's in there.

I pointedly walked up to the edge and very loudly said "DS, you come out of there RIGHT NOW.. you ARE NOT allowed in there, and you're going to hurt someone, if you don't stop that, we will be going HOME."

I do it because to get ds to understand i have to be clear about what he's doing wrong, why he's doing it, and what will happen as a consequence.. its normal for us, i just did it.. kinda, louder/sterner than i usually would... treated it like when i worked in nursery/as a TA

He removed himself, the other parents suddenly looked up and sheepishly called their own kids over.. a couple of the mums in the baby area said thank you to me.

I'm not in the habit of performance parenting, but i am certainly not above loudly parenting to make a point about other kids behaviour. (sorrynotsorry)

I would absolutely do this with my child and might well judge parents that didn't do it...... I'm definitely a performance parent! I certainly tell mine off in public if necessary. That's my job.

@Woodlandwater

I was in a book shop with DC yesterday and another mum was loudly congratulating her 2 yo for counting the books so well. My 2yo was pretending to be a dog and licking the floor. But he's a second child so I've given up as my PFB was amazing to show off with loud declarations of "oh you know how to do long division at 3 and have read Tolstoy on your own, well done darling!!" but this one is feral.

This post wins the thread!

I’m normally quite insecure about my parenting but the miserable arseholes on this thread complaining about people talking to their kids are so obviously unhappy and bitter that even I can’t bring myself to give a fuck about their opinions.

I’ve got a bright happy seven year old who loves listing tree species and spotting insects, eats risotto (and quinoa!!!!), reads books, does ballet and goes for walks. Shock fucking horror!

@Snoken

I have a family with two performance parents and a child living near me and just seeing them gives me the rage. Also, both parents dress like overgrown toddlers for some reason. Always in colourful wellies, regardless of the weather, huge bobble hats, knitted scarfs with cats on them etc. The dad also has this huge mustach with the twisted ends. Looks ridiculous. They are constantly out walking their toddler son, all three of them jumping in puddles, balancing on walls, sitting in the grass verge of a fairly busy road looking at insects. Everything they say sound like something off CBBC, that poor kid will speak like a toddler for the rest of his life.

I wouldn’t normally do this, but you have awakened my inner judgemental pedant.

It’s SCARVES, and MOUSTACHE.

There. That feels better.

I just let my DC jump on the chairs. They're great for playing 'the floor is lava' now they're spaced out a bit. I get a few dirty looks from the receptionist and other patients but at least no one can accuse me of performance parenting.

Please dont do this. Im a practice nurse and this kind of thing is really disruptive to the patients and working conditions. Please be a bit more respectful.

@Cornettoninja

Fair enough *@Alconleigh*, I don’t deny pp exists but I’m getting the feeling on this thread a lot of people are trying to categorise kinds of people they just don’t like that way so they have free reign to be covert knobs.

@Snoken for your own sanity I think you need to work on moving past it. You sound over invested in a family that have nothing to do with you and really aren’t doing anything wrong.

Oh, I don't think of them very often. Only when I see them and when I saw this thread and thought of them. Otherwise I think about all sorts of other things too. They can live their lives however they like, we are just different people and our parenting styles differ, and some people annoy me whilst others don't.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER thank you! English is not my first language, and I typed moustache about three times before I landed on the wrong one.

Parents who enjoy spending time and educating child at a time when many of them have missed months of school and parents (and teachers) are concerned about them being behind where they should be but have got into the habit of effectively using every possible opportunity to do more 'home school' to plug the gap thus spending quality time and attention with their kid = A bad thing which offends other people around who have to 'put up with the performance'.

Got it.

What absoluete dickheads.

@Iamnotthe1

I hate that what was once just considered the parenting norm has now been labelled as performance parenting by those who don't want to do it.

You should be actively talking to your children about the world around them and getting them engaged with it. It has a huge impact, particularly in those early years and, as a teacher, there is a noticeable difference between children who have had that and children who haven't.

Agree👏👏

@RedToothBrush

Parents who enjoy spending time and educating child at a time when many of them have missed months of school and parents (and teachers) are concerned about them being behind where they should be but have got into the habit of effectively using every possible opportunity to do more 'home school' to plug the gap thus spending quality time and attention with their kid = A bad thing which offends other people around who have to 'put up with the performance'.

Got it.

What absoluete dickheads.

Nope you've not got it. That's not what anyone is saying

@RedToothBrush

I mean the boy is about 3 years old now, and they still refer to themselves as mummy and daddy and they don't speak in full sentences to him.

Er, thats normal.

Is there an appropriate socially approved age at which you should stop saying mummy or daddy or calling yourself mummy or daddy?

I'd like to know what exactly is wrong with talking to a toddler in a toddler way?

Lets ban CBBC cos if its a bad thing to do, clearly the channel is doing harm and needs to be taken off air.

Start a petition and get it link up here quick smart.

Well, I am not in education but I would imagine speaking to your children in full sentences is befeficial when it comes to language learning. Also referring to yourself as I or me should help, as that is how people in the real world refer to themselves.

CBBC is great for entertainment, I have no issue with children watching kids TV.

I guess I just have a different approach to child rearing. Growing up, kids were just part of the family/group. Nobody changed the way they spoke or acted because a child was around. My parent certainly didn't jump in puddles with me or spoke to me like anything else but a grown-up.

@MsTSwift

It’s funny though. We had an epic performance granny once at a museum craft / calligraphy session. Even my then late primary aged kids were eye rolling - all at TOP VOLUME with lots of attempted eye contact with other parents

“What lovely flowers darling! Though not quite as nice as the ones in granny’s garden! Do you know their name in French”

“Come on darling I am sure they teach you to hold your pen better than that at St Cuthberts !(local swanky school)”.

They were doing calligraphy DD2 cruelly announced unprompted that she was going to do her calligraphy in Mandarin. Thought performance granny was going to cry.

Nothing beats performance parenting like performance childing 😁

My parent certainly didn't jump in puddles with me or spoke to me like anything else but a grown-up.

Given your rage towards a family just going about their business I won’t take your parents’ child raising as the gold standard thanks.

Performance parenting? Do you mean other people, most likely noisey individuals or parents who are either bored or can't be arsed to parent their own kids and actively like to judge parents who engage with their own kids?

I’ve got a bright happy seven year old who loves listing tree species and spotting insects, eats risotto (and quinoa!!!!), reads books, does ballet and goes for walks. Shock fucking horror!

RISOTTO!!! Ugh go immediately to McDonalds and shove some McNuggets down their throat. Then burn their books like a good parent.

there is nowt wrong with maccers. I have a maccers habit. See my posting history on McDs

Given the shite some parents have posted on our whatsapp group complaining about how their child is being educated by the school and then during home schooling complaining that educating their child isn't their responsibility I think it says it all.

I'm confident in my parenting and if other people don't like it, its their fucking problem. My son is a really happy kid. The end.

Why isn't that the reflection that is made? 'Ooh look happy kid jumping in puddles.'

Nope its 'eewww look at the parents encouraging their child to be a child and have ffuuunnnn. 'Look at their stupid clothes and hair'.

Seriously. Don't do things with your kids. Its not socially acceptable. Complete strangers might think you are trying too hard to give your kids a good day out.

@Franklyfrost

It is so sad to bully people just for talking to their children.

I'd alway spoke to ours from birth thought that was standard and completely normal.

However I went to children centers with them - and one time met another mother she started playing with one of mine me right next to me who was talking up a storm so I started interacting with her little boy and my baby on my lap like normal. Did the ask a question about toy wait for reponse - got burbles and odd word back so repeated what I thought likely said and went on like that with them both then started chatting to the Mum - all normal stuff she told me it was worth playing with her DS like I was because he couldn't talk .

Turned out little boy was in speech therapy and one of the staff did jump in later and point out all the mothers talking to the babies and how that helped language development pulling them into conversations and did same as I was with the her boy and my baby pointing out burbles back he was giving. Apparently it was a depressing problem that many mothers in area often thought it was a complete sentences or nothing and weren't doing the motherease or interacting bit pre speach and there were huge backlogs for speach therapy in the area.

Did explain why we sometimes got odd looks for speaking with our obviously pre verbal babies who'd coo back.