Jeez! Performance parenting is driving me insane!

[ChilledFizz]

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

Re: might be more practical with cinemas in that they are struggling to staff them.

So no advance bookings in January from next week (its not exactly peak season) so they can be more flexible and just do walk ins as its unlikely they will sell out any showings anyway and they can bin off some screenings to manage staffing.

The fact that there is no leak in the press yet about the possibility of cinemas closing yet websites are already doing this (so lots of people involved in knowing if it is happening) seems implausable to me.

Its a big headline grabber - PM may be about to shut cinemas is a better front page header than the current Daily Mail one which is:

Boris to hold 5pm press conference TODAY as MPs call for isolation to be cut to five days because 'people are off work but perfectly WELL' and 'Prof Lockdown' admits Omicron is plateauing – but crippling rules see 1m locked away with mild strain

oops wrong thread

@ClawedButler

I think the difference between "talking to your child in a museum" and "performance parenting in a museum" is that one is a two-way conversation, held at an appropriate volume, about what's being seen and experienced, while the other is a parent loudly talking AT a child who isn't given any space to put their own thoughts forward, and trying to get the child to translate something into French or answer some random question about which dynasty Ptolomy III belonged to, so the parent can feel good about themselves - even if the kid is cringing with embarrasment!

Does that mean parents shouldn’t talk to/educate/explain things to their toddlers or children with speech delay or non verbal children because that’s not a two-way conversation?

I’m so glad mothers have come up with yet another way to judge/bash mothers.

Judgy, much?

Really, people are far too focused on how other people are doing things. People have different personalities and parent differently. Your way isn't automatically better.

Just because you think they are doing it for your benefit, doesn't mean they are!

I’d never heard of performance parenting until MN but then again I’m from a distinctly working class northern mining town

The examples given on this thread, chatting to a child in a museum, jumping in puddles and practising animal sounds, is just normal parenting IMO. If you take offence to parents doing such things in public maybe you need to ask yourself why 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Echobelly

I don't think it's particularly 'performance parenting' to be talking to your kids about what you're looking at at a museum, that's just what you do at a museum, surely?

If you read the thread, you'll realise that that isn't what we're talking about. If you're talking to your child in a normal 'museum' voice and focused on them rather than whether the person 20 metres away can hear you too, it's not performance parenting. If your child gets a word in, that's another indication that it's not PP.

@Jarbed

So basically, performance parenting DOES exist, but almost nobody on this thread has given an actual example of it, so it's presumably very rare. So no surprise lots of people have never encountered it and for those who have, it's probably best to just ignore it and move on.

Clearly you haven't RTFT, because plenty of people have given examples.

@SamMil

Judgy, much?

Really, people are far too focused on how other people are doing things. People have different personalities and parent differently. Your way isn't automatically better.

Just because you think they are doing it for your benefit, doesn't mean they are!

It's not about being focused though. If it could be blocked out that would be fantastic. You can't NOT hear a performance parent because the whole point of their performance parenting is to be noticed by everyone around them and admired.

@WheelieBinPrincess

I’m a nanny in an a fluent area so I get to hear alllllll the time. My favourite was in Waitrose. At the fish counter. Mum and girl about 3.

M: Ottilie, what fish shall we get for our supper tonight?

O: (looking like she couldn’t give a toss) mmmm pink one.

M: salmon? Salmon darling? Wild salmon? That’s a wonderful choice but we had salmon en croute with purple sprouting broccoli just last night didn’t we?

O: (pointing randomly) that one.

M: sea bream! Sea bream! What a gorgeous choice! Will we have it with kale and lemon butter?

O: (gritted teeth) yes mummy

DHOTYA utter bollocks, also judgmental bollocks

‘Performance parenting’ is almost always about women. The same women who are apparently always on their phones ignoring their children. It’s just misogyny.

My child is hearing impaired and has autism. So yes, I’m going to be loudly explaining stuff. I’m not in the least bit apologetic about it.

One day the deniers on this post will witness the performance parent in the wild and a light bulb moment will occur 💡

@guardiansofthegalaxychocs

‘Performance parenting’ is almost always about women. The same women who are apparently always on their phones ignoring their children. It’s just misogyny.

My child is hearing impaired and has autism. So yes, I’m going to be loudly explaining stuff. I’m not in the least bit apologetic about it.

Performance parenting is actually normally aimed at fathers.

See also: Disney dad.

@TarpaulinEyes

When I read these threads I always think of a few years ago and a woman who got on a local bus with a small boy, presumably her son. The bus was nearly empty so plenty of seats available. Mum sat down and decreed small boy should stay standing up. The bus resounded to her shrieking at him, 'nice strong legs, holding onto the pole nicely' repeatedly. Poor child kept looking at the seats longingly but nope not allowed to sit down. He looked knackered poor little chap. I hadn't heard of performance parenting then, assume that's what it was and just thought the woman was a loon. Nice strong legs has now entered the repertoire of family catchphrases.

Forcing a small tired child to stand? That’s not performance parenting that’s shitty borderline cruelty.

@yourestandingonmyneck, yep.

I can't believe some people deny that it's even a thing! Teaching and engaging with your child is not performance parenting

Posters who are saying this are either spectacularly missing the point or perhaps know they are that parent and so are offended and defensive.

Ottilie’s mother’s arrived

Well perhaps you described it wrongly. 'Making' animal noises and ' saying' them are not one in the same. One is words and one is noises that are naturally louder. It came across like she was 'making' multiple animal noises, not that she just said quack quack. But perhaps I understood wrongly.

Yes, perhaps I did. Perhaps, despite expressly stating that we were doing this at normal speaking volume, I accidentally wrote that she was screeching like a terrified pig while I clapped along. My bad.

‘Performance parenting’ is almost always about women. The same women who are apparently always on their phones ignoring their children. It’s just misogyny.

Actually I stated that it's frequently men and have given examples. PP's have also admitted their husbands are guilty so it's very much not a woman thing.

Actually yes, little Tarquinius was considering writing his thesis on this subject until I reminded him that he was only 3months old and his time would be better spent assisting NASA on the James Webb telescope project. It was at this point that he reminded me that he was refusing to assist them after they turned him down for a position onboard the actual satellite due to the fact that although he can wipe his own arse and change his own nappies he still struggles to wipe the smiles off the faces of his contemporaries parents faces when he reminds them what a clever little sausage he is.

Jemimarina on the other hand is doing exceptionally well with her potty training, especially when you consider she hasn’t been born yet.

@liveforsummer

‘Performance parenting’ is almost always about women. The same women who are apparently always on their phones ignoring their children. It’s just misogyny.

Actually I stated that it's frequently men and have given examples. PP's have also admitted their husbands are guilty so it's very much not a woman thing.

I agree- I find that it's men who are most guilty of this- Since their voices are deeper and louder you can certainly hear them doing it more obviously.

I'll give an example just to show I know exactly what it is and that's precisely why I disagree with some of the examples given.

Mum and kid at drop off with huge project.
Mum: ohhh look at x's project! They are sooo proud of it! They've spent ages researching and making sure everything was accurate. Insert ridiculous level of detail about this thing and that thing and showing it round to everyone. It was sooooo much fun.

During Q&A session when asked how long it took: dunno. 5 minutes? I just stuck the stickers on.

Plenty of examples at work actually.

When out and about.

M: Samuel are you excited about so and so (fancy/educational/wanky) place tomorrow?
S: I guess
M: of course you are ! You love -whatever- , and after we can do -something else fancy/educational/wanky-
S: shrugs
M: aren't you a lucky boy? We're going to have the best time!
S: can I go on the swings now?
M: of course! -turns and looks at me- he can barely wait ! of course we go to these places all the time so it's great to see he still gets so excited about it.

Does it exist? Yes. I just don't agree that puddles, croissants and risotto are accurate examples.

I narrate the world to my toddler and have one sided convos - often even in Waitrose which must be indicative of performance parenting .

"What shall we eat Bear?" (not mini-roar's real name) "shall we have some fishies because we need B vitamins? And maybe some purple sprouting broccoli because you prefer it?" (true, he does), "ok then but we need salted butter because only bakers and people with under developed palates eat non-salted... let's get quinoa because it's mummy's favourite grain and high in protein.."

I talk bollocks to my kid because 1) it's good for his development and 2) it amuses me. I'm not going to chuck in "shall we buy chicken nuggets" just to appease some inverse snob who happens to be listening and judging.

Performance parenting is actually normally aimed at fathers.

But most of the “examples” on here are of women. 🤷‍♀️

I agree- I find that it's men who are most guilty of this- Since their voices are deeper and louder you can certainly hear them doing it more obviously.

Often prouder with themselves for doing basic parenting too and would like others to know it 😆

@roarfeckingroarr I'll look out for you on overheard in Waitrose

@Pleasebeafleabite I was over ruled on Ottilie as a name and DC is a boy, but I do find this in bad taste. A thread attacking women who ignore their kids in favour of their phones and feed them crap would be taken down.