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Original poster

Was I chatted up or was it a scam of some kind?

114 replies

username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:14

This has been on my mind since it happened and I need to know what other people think.

I went for a walk on the beach the other day. As I was standing looking out at the sea, I noticed a young man smile at me. I’m in my mid-50s and he looked mid to late 30s. As he walked away with his friend, he looked back over his shoulder at me.

My husband was some distance away, taking photos, so I appeared to be alone. Several minutes later, the man was back, but this time he came up to me and commented on the view. I replied and then he asked me if I was from the area. We ended up chatting for several minutes, whilst his friend sat on a bench nearby, busy on his phone. He was Italian, but had lived in the UK for several years. It definitely felt like he wanted to get to know me, but I felt so confused. As I say, I’m mid-50s, long married, and was wrapped up in a thick coat and woolly hat. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me anymore!

After a while, I said I needed to get back to my husband and gestured to where DH was standing, some distance away. We said goodbye amicably and I returned to DH.

Later, I mentioned it to a friend and she asked if I’d been pickpocketed. I said no, I hadn’t had any cash /cards on me and, anyway, he hadn’t been standing near enough. But then it set me wondering if it was a scam of some kind and I felt a bit silly to even consider he could have been interested in me. I look OK for my age, but I certainly don't look 30-something!

What do you think?

OP posts:
AnxiousHeffalump · 03/01/2022 00:17

Sounds to me like he was chatting you up 😊
What did he say when you mentioned your husband?

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 03/01/2022 00:19

I would probably have the same instinct as you (I'm late 40s and certainly not attractive enough to be noticed by younger men). But from what you say, it's hard to see how it could have been a scam - I assume he didn't try to sell you anything or get your personal details. It would be nice to think he was simply being friendly.

WheelieBinPrincess · 03/01/2022 00:24

I feel like I’ve read this before!

Thatsplentyjack · 03/01/2022 00:24

If he had been alone I would say its entirely possible that he was interested in you, but something about his friend sitting on a bench waiting for him, and him leaving his friend to come and talk to you is a bit off.

WorraLiberty · 03/01/2022 00:24

I would've gone for friendly/chatty before 'scam' or 'chat up' Confused

Some people are actually like that.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:26

@AnxiousHeffalump

Sounds to me like he was chatting you up 😊 What did he say when you mentioned your husband?
It would be nice to think so Smile. A bit humiliating if it was just a scam.

When I mentioned my husband, he looked over at him, then we just said goodbye and I moved on.

OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:30

@ArblemarzipanTFruitcake

I would probably have the same instinct as you (I'm late 40s and certainly not attractive enough to be noticed by younger men). But from what you say, it's hard to see how it could have been a scam - I assume he didn't try to sell you anything or get your personal details. It would be nice to think he was simply being friendly.
Yes, it really didn't feel like any kind of scam and he made no attempt to get any personal details (aside from asking if I was from the area and he seemed fine with my vague response). My instinct honestly told me I was being chatted up, rather than that he was just being friendly. But maybe I'm just flattering myself! And now my friend has suggested it was a scam, I feel foolish for even thinking he could have been interested.
OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:32

@WheelieBinPrincess

I feel like I’ve read this before!
Oh God, am I one of hundreds of 50-something women getting caught out like this? Maybe this man is down the beach every day, looking for susceptible middle-aged women Blush.
OP posts:
WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 03/01/2022 00:32

He could have been a ‘pick up artist’ practicing. The other guy may have been his instructor.

RedCandyApple · 03/01/2022 00:33

@WheelieBinPrincess

I feel like I’ve read this before!
I have as well, definitely been posted before
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:36

@Thatsplentyjack

If he had been alone I would say its entirely possible that he was interested in you, but something about his friend sitting on a bench waiting for him, and him leaving his friend to come and talk to you is a bit off.
I know what you mean, but, if that's the case, I can't work out what the ulterior motive could be.

I actually considered whether his 'friend' was a therapist encouraging the man to overcome his fear of talking to people. But the man didn't seem in the slightest bit nervous - on the contrary - so it seems unlikely.

OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:38

@WorraLiberty

I would've gone for friendly/chatty before 'scam' or 'chat up' Confused

Some people are actually like that.

I would have too, but the big smile at me beforehand and him looking over his shoulder at me and then making a beeline for me made me think he wasn't just being friendly.
OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:39

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

He could have been a ‘pick up artist’ practicing. The other guy may have been his instructor.
Yes, I wondered this too! Actually read an article about it in The Guardian yesterday. That is more likely than a scam, I think.
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2022 00:40

I actually considered whether his 'friend' was a therapist encouraging the man to overcome his fear of talking to people. But the man didn't seem in the slightest bit nervous - on the contrary - so it seems unlikely.

You're massively overthinking this.

He was chatting to you while his mate was busy on his phone. He may or may not have been 'chatting you up' but 'scam' or 'therapist'? Confused

You're giving a brief chat with a passer by way too much headspace and so is your mate.

LondonQueen · 03/01/2022 00:43

I think he was chatting you up. Don't see how it could be a scam?

blueshoes · 03/01/2022 00:43

Could be a pick up artist practising his 'game'. His mate is observing and giving tips.

WheelieBinPrincess · 03/01/2022 00:44

Well it could be a fishing scan couldn’t it. Older woman, could be scoping out if you’re interested and divorced have money.

Hairyfriend · 03/01/2022 00:44

My thoughts might have been:

  • I've been to Italy many times, and found some Italian men will try chatting to you and more forward than English men, so could have just been try to chat to you?
  • Was he really Italian? Does he need a visa to stay in the country if not really Italian?
  • Bit weird having a friend sitting nearby. Either he was a look out, or knew his friend was trying to chat you up?
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2022 00:45

When did this happen OP?

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:45

@WorraLiberty

I actually considered whether his 'friend' was a therapist encouraging the man to overcome his fear of talking to people. But the man didn't seem in the slightest bit nervous - on the contrary - so it seems unlikely.

You're massively overthinking this.

He was chatting to you while his mate was busy on his phone. He may or may not have been 'chatting you up' but 'scam' or 'therapist'? Confused

You're giving a brief chat with a passer by way too much headspace and so is your mate.

I'm posting about it because it doesn't make sense to me and I wondered what other people thought. Believe me, I have plenty of other things going on that take up far more headspace.
OP posts:
ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 03/01/2022 00:46

Was he really Italian? Does he need a visa to stay in the country if not really Italian?

Not if he's been here several years - he would have been able to come here freely prior to Brexit and then post-Brexit people already settled here could apply to stay.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:46

@WorraLiberty

When did this happen OP?
Yesterday. And DH just mentioned it, which is why I thought of it again and posted here.
OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2022 00:47

Ahh ok

It just seemed familiar that's all.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:48

I agree with potential fishing scam or pick-up artist. And also the potential cultural difference making him more forward and chatty.

OP posts:
Plinkplonk1234 · 03/01/2022 00:52

I've know some very charming Italian men and it seems to me they like interacting with women what ever the age. Partly cultural, partly ego and just more open to chatting and interacting with different types of people. But I'm sure he would like to think you found him attractive and enjoyed the chat too.