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Original poster

Was I chatted up or was it a scam of some kind?

114 replies

username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:14

This has been on my mind since it happened and I need to know what other people think.

I went for a walk on the beach the other day. As I was standing looking out at the sea, I noticed a young man smile at me. I’m in my mid-50s and he looked mid to late 30s. As he walked away with his friend, he looked back over his shoulder at me.

My husband was some distance away, taking photos, so I appeared to be alone. Several minutes later, the man was back, but this time he came up to me and commented on the view. I replied and then he asked me if I was from the area. We ended up chatting for several minutes, whilst his friend sat on a bench nearby, busy on his phone. He was Italian, but had lived in the UK for several years. It definitely felt like he wanted to get to know me, but I felt so confused. As I say, I’m mid-50s, long married, and was wrapped up in a thick coat and woolly hat. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me anymore!

After a while, I said I needed to get back to my husband and gestured to where DH was standing, some distance away. We said goodbye amicably and I returned to DH.

Later, I mentioned it to a friend and she asked if I’d been pickpocketed. I said no, I hadn’t had any cash /cards on me and, anyway, he hadn’t been standing near enough. But then it set me wondering if it was a scam of some kind and I felt a bit silly to even consider he could have been interested in me. I look OK for my age, but I certainly don't look 30-something!

What do you think?

OP posts:
RedHot22 · 03/01/2022 00:53

I chat to strangers all the time, particularly if they’re alone. All ages, male or female. Genuinely interested in people.

I’m not scamming or chatting up

Feelingoood · 03/01/2022 00:54

He’s Italian! What do you expect?!

changeyourname11111 · 03/01/2022 00:54

@Thatsplentyjack

If he had been alone I would say its entirely possible that he was interested in you, but something about his friend sitting on a bench waiting for him, and him leaving his friend to come and talk to you is a bit off.
This
Snowisfalling33 · 03/01/2022 00:57

Was he concerned about you do you think? Is there any way that you looked vulnerable and he came over to check. Possibly though that two men would be too threatening or something?
This happened to me, I was leaning over a little bridge watching the river. Two lads struck up a conversation and after a while confessed that they thought I was considering jumping off.
Or... you're a 50 year old stunner and he's looking for a more mature woman, some men do have a type!

ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 03/01/2022 00:57

@RedHot22

I chat to strangers all the time, particularly if they’re alone. All ages, male or female. Genuinely interested in people.

I’m not scamming or chatting up

I've got a female friend who can do this - I don't know what her magic is (she's in her late 50s and nice-looking but not glamorous) - she always somehow finds things to say to strangers and they always respond in a really friendly way. I'd give anything to have her knack with people.
Hairyfriend · 03/01/2022 01:01

@ArblemarzipanTFruitcake

Was he really Italian? Does he need a visa to stay in the country if not really Italian?

Not if he's been here several years - he would have been able to come here freely prior to Brexit and then post-Brexit people already settled here could apply to stay.

I was more thinking that he might have been 'saying' he was Italian, but from somewhere else that doesn't automatically get a visa to stay!
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:06

@Snowisfalling33

Was he concerned about you do you think? Is there any way that you looked vulnerable and he came over to check. Possibly though that two men would be too threatening or something? This happened to me, I was leaning over a little bridge watching the river. Two lads struck up a conversation and after a while confessed that they thought I was considering jumping off. Or... you're a 50 year old stunner and he's looking for a more mature woman, some men do have a type!
No, I definitely didn't look vulnerable. But how lovely that those two men were concerned about you and came to help.
OP posts:
ArblemarzipanTFruitcake · 03/01/2022 01:07

Oh, I see what you mean, Hairy , sorry.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:08

Just found another thread on here about pick-up artists and I'm veering towards thinking this is it now.

OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:10

And yes, Hairy, it's quite possible he wasn't Italian. I'm no expert on the accent.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 03/01/2022 01:16

It might have made a difference, if he was Italian. Some Italian men like to chat to women, and it's not unusual. They tend to be a bit more outgoing and chatty than some British men..

Sn0tnose · 03/01/2022 01:16

Italian my foot!

Hairyfriend · 03/01/2022 01:17

@username23894uq3944

And yes, Hairy, it's quite possible he wasn't Italian. I'm no expert on the accent.
Years ago I was chatted up in a nightclub by a guy claiming to be French. When I replied in my fairly basic A level French, it became apparent he'd lied and didn't speak it at all! Confused
Thoosa · 03/01/2022 01:27

Having lived in Italy, I wouldn’t find this so unusual from an Italian man. Either friendliness or chatting you up.

If it was anything more sinister, no harm has actually been done, but somehow I doubt he had ill intent. It’s cultural.

Part of the issue is, as women, we spend 25 or 30 years fending men off (mostly Wink) but when they approach us once we are over a certain age we become deeply suspicious.

immersivereader · 03/01/2022 01:27

Where's the other thread that seems to show this to be a scam?

I find it hard to imagine a psuedo Italian scamster on a beach talking to one of us Mnetters Hmm

Mamanyt · 03/01/2022 01:28

He's Italian. It has been my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience that Italian men are nearly so put-off by a more mature woman than most others seem to be, nor are they shy about approaching one, NOR do they take it so personally when politely rebuffed. I'm inclined to think that you were chatted up. Enjoy it.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 03/01/2022 01:30

We've had an issue around here lately - well 3 times, 2 people start chatting up a stranger - and in 2 of the 3 encounters there were able to get close enough to take jewelry off the person. The 3rd time, they were not able to get that far before being shooed away - but it was the same couple in all 3 instances, so the belief is the 3rd time would have been a theft too had the 3rd victim let the people get close enough to him to "show him something".

So maybe it was a scam, but they were not able to complete it.

Thoosa · 03/01/2022 01:31

@1forAll74 @Mamanyt and I (maybe others), all agreeing it’s probably cultural then.

almost certainly a sign you’ve still got it! Smile

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:33

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

We've had an issue around here lately - well 3 times, 2 people start chatting up a stranger - and in 2 of the 3 encounters there were able to get close enough to take jewelry off the person. The 3rd time, they were not able to get that far before being shooed away - but it was the same couple in all 3 instances, so the belief is the 3rd time would have been a theft too had the 3rd victim let the people get close enough to him to "show him something".

So maybe it was a scam, but they were not able to complete it.

Except I wasn't wearing any jewellery. Didn't even have a bag on me.
OP posts:
WhiteJellycat · 03/01/2022 01:33

He could have been chatting you up. I worked with a 60 year old lady. We went on a works do and she had a 20 year old pineing over her all night. She did look bloody amazing and honestly could have been in her 20's.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:34

@immersivereader

Where's the other thread that seems to show this to be a scam?

I find it hard to imagine a psuedo Italian scamster on a beach talking to one of us Mnetters Hmm

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4192646-The-phenomenon-of-younger-men-approaching-older-women-in-the-street-Is-this-an-organised-scam-and-what-do-they-want?msgid=105583021#105583021

But having looked at one of the videos, nothing that the man was doing matched what the pick-up artists recommend.

OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:36

@WhiteJellycat

He could have been chatting you up. I worked with a 60 year old lady. We went on a works do and she had a 20 year old pineing over her all night. She did look bloody amazing and honestly could have been in her 20's.
Ha! I wish I still looked in my 20s, but there is no way I can kid myself Grin.
OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 01:39

@Thoosa

Having lived in Italy, I wouldn’t find this so unusual from an Italian man. Either friendliness or chatting you up.

If it was anything more sinister, no harm has actually been done, but somehow I doubt he had ill intent. It’s cultural.

Part of the issue is, as women, we spend 25 or 30 years fending men off (mostly Wink) but when they approach us once we are over a certain age we become deeply suspicious.

Yes, it could well have been a cultural thing. And as I don't spend any time fending men off me these days Grin, it was confusing!
OP posts:
Bambooshoot · 03/01/2022 01:51

Could be he thought he recognised you, then realised he didn’t when he got up closer and just chatted away anyway, being a bit too embarrassed to say he’d made a mistake. I’ve done this to a guy, sat down at a table in a cafe saying hi, how are you etc until it became clear he wasn’t my (admittedly quite new) friend but a total stranger who must have thought I was super confident or trying to pick him up! He didn’t seem to mind Smile (I just spent a long time struggling to work out which one I was talking to whenever I saw either of them after that!)

Theblacksheepandme · 03/01/2022 01:54

He is probably a scam artist. He saw an older woman and was probably checking to see if you were divorced and have money.

I also don't know if I would feel comfortable being flirted with in front of my husband. I don't think I would appreciate if this happened my husband and he was thinking like you. I agree with a previous poster that you are overthinking this.