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Original poster

Was I chatted up or was it a scam of some kind?

114 replies

username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:14

This has been on my mind since it happened and I need to know what other people think.

I went for a walk on the beach the other day. As I was standing looking out at the sea, I noticed a young man smile at me. I’m in my mid-50s and he looked mid to late 30s. As he walked away with his friend, he looked back over his shoulder at me.

My husband was some distance away, taking photos, so I appeared to be alone. Several minutes later, the man was back, but this time he came up to me and commented on the view. I replied and then he asked me if I was from the area. We ended up chatting for several minutes, whilst his friend sat on a bench nearby, busy on his phone. He was Italian, but had lived in the UK for several years. It definitely felt like he wanted to get to know me, but I felt so confused. As I say, I’m mid-50s, long married, and was wrapped up in a thick coat and woolly hat. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me anymore!

After a while, I said I needed to get back to my husband and gestured to where DH was standing, some distance away. We said goodbye amicably and I returned to DH.

Later, I mentioned it to a friend and she asked if I’d been pickpocketed. I said no, I hadn’t had any cash /cards on me and, anyway, he hadn’t been standing near enough. But then it set me wondering if it was a scam of some kind and I felt a bit silly to even consider he could have been interested in me. I look OK for my age, but I certainly don't look 30-something!

What do you think?

OP posts:
DinoDinner · 03/01/2022 01:58

Never heard of PUA!

As per usual Mnet a mine of information! Cheers!

WalkersAreNotTheOnlyCrisps · 03/01/2022 02:06

@WhiteJellycat

He could have been chatting you up. I worked with a 60 year old lady. We went on a works do and she had a 20 year old pineing over her all night. She did look bloody amazing and honestly could have been in her 20's.
In her 20s? Give over 🤣 I think you're overthinking it OP.
immersivereader · 03/01/2022 02:09

Thanks op.

Seems like it is a thing!

Crikey.

I know a friend of my brothers has some sort of 'training' in picking up women Confused not sure he harrasses women on the street though.

Wafflesnsniffles · 03/01/2022 02:22

Hi username23894uq3944 I read your thread earlier....... then spotted this one from March had been bumped by someone.
Appears to be the same sort of thing
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4192646-The-phenomenon-of-younger-men-approaching-older-women-in-the-street-Is-this-an-organised-scam-and-what-do-they-want

PupInAPram · 03/01/2022 02:42

@WorraLiberty you don't get to tell OP what she does and doesn't give head space to. It was an a bit of an unsettling encounter. Most folk would try to make sense of such an encounter afterwards.

FortunesFave · 03/01/2022 02:54

Honestly sounds like he was practicing. It's harder to pick up older women...it was likely a challenge. And don't do yourself down...he might just have fancied you! Some younger men do like older women you know.

Patapouf · 03/01/2022 04:44

- Was he really Italian? Does he need a visa to stay in the country if not really Italian?

This!

Sorry OP but it seems dodgy.

Thatldo · 03/01/2022 06:37

He chatted you up and was hoping to get a quick shag.lots of man try this and they dont mind what age you are,nor how you look.i would have told him to fuck off!

Kinsters · 03/01/2022 06:37

I agree with either chatting you up or some loser trying to improve his "game". I think you can tell if it didn't feel genuine - I once had some guy come up and basically read a script at me, it was so awkward. I told him I was waiting for my boyfriend which was true and his script approved ending was something about how that's fine he was just so happy to have made my day. I was just thinking, what part of this interaction made my day?

I didn't articulate any of that of course so for him I was probably a successful try out 🤣

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 03/01/2022 06:44

Lots of Eastern European men will claim to be Italian when chatting up women.

Soggymarshmellows · 03/01/2022 08:18

Sorry I don't think he was chatting you up. But he probably saw you were friendly. This happens to me a lot and always has. I have a very friendly face I am told. I'm 50 too but this happened when I was 25 too. I'm not very good looking and as I'm a lesbian and I'd say that's quite obvious to a British/European it only ever happens with men from Arabic or Indian cultures. I think this happens for a variety of reasons in my experience. But I could be wrong so not meant to offend here. Sometimes men alone in UK are lonely, practicing English, not able to approach women or used to it. And then yes I've felt there is sometimes a scam brewing. When I've travelled on a couple of occasions it was definitely a sex thing..potentially with 'payment'. I'm sorry to say that to survive here in UK an element of scamming or hustling is required. Migrant men may not live in the best of circumstances. He may also have been a lot younger than he looked.
Be friendly of course. But beware. Sadly we got insurance scammed for a car incident a year or 2 ago and I consider myself savvy. Understand that to survive and make it the UK it requires living on your wits. So while being careful and aware and alert, empathy is also required. BTW I doubt he was Italian.
Hopefully he was just a lonely young chap far from home on New years day and missing his mum/sisters. Perhaps you made him feel less alone.

RedHot22 · 03/01/2022 08:22

@Thatldo

He chatted you up and was hoping to get a quick shag.lots of man try this and they dont mind what age you are,nor how you look.i would have told him to fuck off!
That’s a sad attitude.
MarleneDietrichsSmile · 03/01/2022 08:26

I am 50 and hardened by life Winkand would assume this was some kind of scam that did not come to fruition

Also doubt he was really Italian

LittleOverWhelmed · 03/01/2022 08:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Whitefire · 03/01/2022 08:55

I would have taken this as a simple conversation and not thought any further about it.

MorkandMandy · 03/01/2022 08:58

My first thought would be that he saw a lady on her own and wanted to just check in and make sure she was okay. Some people are like that.

couchparsnip · 03/01/2022 08:59

Maybe he was practicing his English? When I lived abroad people would have random conversations with me for this reason.
You probably looked like a friendly, non-threatening person to have a chat with.

WheelieBinPrincess · 03/01/2022 09:00

@MorkandMandy if a bloke approached me every time I was on my own ‘to check I was ok’ I’d end up committing murder.

Ohmycron · 03/01/2022 09:01

@WorraLiberty

I would've gone for friendly/chatty before 'scam' or 'chat up' Confused

Some people are actually like that.

This. Fgs
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 03/01/2022 09:05

@Thatldo

He chatted you up and was hoping to get a quick shag.lots of man try this and they dont mind what age you are,nor how you look.i would have told him to fuck off!
My bother is the type of man who chats to everyone, it's just what my family are like I hope he never comes across anyone as nasty as you appear to be

Clearly no one here knows what this particular man was thinking but what kind of sad life do you lead that would make you react like that?

Littlewhiteballs · 03/01/2022 09:09

@Mamanyt

He's Italian. It has been my (admittedly somewhat limited) experience that Italian men are nearly so put-off by a more mature woman than most others seem to be, nor are they shy about approaching one, NOR do they take it so personally when politely rebuffed. I'm inclined to think that you were chatted up. Enjoy it.
NearlyAHoarder · 03/01/2022 09:10

Yup, a scam that did not come to fruition is a fair conclusion.

I'd be surprised if a 51 year old man chatted me up randomly. So for a man 20 years younger to seem very keen to strike up a conversation with me, I'd be suspicious yes. And I'm slim for my age, attractive for my age, blah blah blah, but still. Yes I'd feel wary.

ParkingDiagram · 03/01/2022 09:13

@WorraLiberty

I would've gone for friendly/chatty before 'scam' or 'chat up' Confused

Some people are actually like that.

Indeed. The level of overthinking and wild speculation on MN is quite something.
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 03/01/2022 09:18

@NearlyAHoarder

Yup, a scam that did not come to fruition is a fair conclusion.

I'd be surprised if a 51 year old man chatted me up randomly. So for a man 20 years younger to seem very keen to strike up a conversation with me, I'd be suspicious yes. And I'm slim for my age, attractive for my age, blah blah blah, but still. Yes I'd feel wary.

Is there somthing specific to the situations that makes you able to know this or is there a life rule I've missed that says that every time a man younger than you starts chatting it is without doubt a scam?
RedHot22 · 03/01/2022 09:22

Is there somthing specific to the situations that makes you able to know this or is there a life rule I've missed that says that every time a man younger than you starts chatting it is without doubt a scam?

Or that they’re trying to ‘chat you up’ and not just being friendly

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