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Original poster

Was I chatted up or was it a scam of some kind?

114 replies

username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 00:14

This has been on my mind since it happened and I need to know what other people think.

I went for a walk on the beach the other day. As I was standing looking out at the sea, I noticed a young man smile at me. I’m in my mid-50s and he looked mid to late 30s. As he walked away with his friend, he looked back over his shoulder at me.

My husband was some distance away, taking photos, so I appeared to be alone. Several minutes later, the man was back, but this time he came up to me and commented on the view. I replied and then he asked me if I was from the area. We ended up chatting for several minutes, whilst his friend sat on a bench nearby, busy on his phone. He was Italian, but had lived in the UK for several years. It definitely felt like he wanted to get to know me, but I felt so confused. As I say, I’m mid-50s, long married, and was wrapped up in a thick coat and woolly hat. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me anymore!

After a while, I said I needed to get back to my husband and gestured to where DH was standing, some distance away. We said goodbye amicably and I returned to DH.

Later, I mentioned it to a friend and she asked if I’d been pickpocketed. I said no, I hadn’t had any cash /cards on me and, anyway, he hadn’t been standing near enough. But then it set me wondering if it was a scam of some kind and I felt a bit silly to even consider he could have been interested in me. I look OK for my age, but I certainly don't look 30-something!

What do you think?

OP posts:
lynntheyresexswappers · 03/01/2022 09:25

@RedHot22

Is there somthing specific to the situations that makes you able to know this or is there a life rule I've missed that says that every time a man younger than you starts chatting it is without doubt a scam?

Or that they’re trying to ‘chat you up’ and not just being friendly

Exactly, when did every encounter with the opposite sex start needing analysing after? Confused
amatsip · 03/01/2022 09:27

Maybe he double backed to check you weren’t going to walk off into the sea?

He might have just been checking you are okay.

Letitsnoooow · 03/01/2022 09:28

I don’t know about a scam but I would definitely be suspicious. He saw you on your own and went back to chat with you while the friend was waiting. I also agree he was probably not Italian.

PinkButtercups · 03/01/2022 09:33

Your 'friend' does she usually dismiss something nice that happened to you?

I had a friend like this once who thought she was better than me and no one could possibly see me as attractive Confused

Tommika · 03/01/2022 09:36

I’ve talked to older women in my younger days.
Sometimes just a conversation, but throughout my life I’ve also tried to chat up older women, younger women and even those the same age as me

There’s nothing in the post to show a scam, perhaps the OP was correctly sufficiently vague and remained safe.
It could have been many things from chatting up, a general conversation even an intervention of a lonely looking woman

If you’re worried - there’s nothing showing to be of concern
If you’re happy to have been chatted up - there’s nothing showing to prove you weren’t

Regarding foreigners and visas - perhaps he was or wasn’t Italian, perhaps he was or wasn’t another nationality, perhaps he had a visa or didn’t, perhaps he needs a visa or doesn’t
The UK has a lot of nationalities in it

Oblomov22 · 03/01/2022 09:42

He found you attractive and talked to you for a few minutes before you said you needed to leave to get back to your husband.

That's it. End of. No need to overthink it. It's not a scam.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 09:44

Those saying it was just someone being friendly seem to have missed the fact that I was singled out. It wasn't just someone chatting to me, it was someone who smiled directly at me - and he was definitely trying to catch my attention in the way he did it - and and then looked back at me again as he walked away. If I'd been the only one there, I'd have thought he was just acknowledging me in a friendly way, but I was surrounded by people. So that felt odd. And then suddenly he was right next to me.

And I'm sorry if some people think I'm overthinking it. I'm not sure why they're bothering to comment. I have plenty of room in my head for lots of different thoughts and this is just one of many. It was an odd encounter and I wondered if I'd missed something, so wanted to see what other people thought. If it's a known scam, I'd really like to know.

OP posts:
Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 09:47

@PinkButtercups

Your 'friend' does she usually dismiss something nice that happened to you?

I had a friend like this once who thought she was better than me and no one could possibly see me as attractive Confused

Actually no, she doesn't. Quite the opposite, in fact, so it was surprising when she said that, which then made me wonder if I'd missed something.
OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 03/01/2022 09:54

Bit odd, sounds like neither, he was just a bloke being friendly, how could it possibly be a scam and he didn’t ask you out.

People can talk to other people without an ulterior motive.

yellowjellytot · 03/01/2022 09:59

He might have just been being friendly. Some people just like chatting. I think it's a cultural thing in the uk to be wary of things like this.

jamie83 · 03/01/2022 10:01

Maybe he wanted to have a conversation with someone new. The fact that you are not overtly 'glam' meant that he did not have to go into admiration mode merely a neutral conversation.

FKATondelayo · 03/01/2022 10:07

I had this happen to me - young "Italian" guy, 20s in Oxford Circus started chatting me up randomly (I am in 40s and by no means a minger but not getting any Vogue covers either), obviously in an 'after something' kind of way.

I told him to fuck off. Grin

InFiveMins · 03/01/2022 10:09

It sounds dodgy OP, I would also guess it was a scam of some sort, just not sure what the scam would be.

There was a thread or two on here a while back with similar circumstances I think. General consensus was that he was trying to scam her in some way.

Honestmary · 03/01/2022 10:20

Oh bugger, my husband and I quite often chat to strangers! Only last week we were talking to another couple in the pub and my husband initiated the conversation. Now I’m wondering if they thought we were swingers and there’s a thread on here somewhere about us 🤔

SweetPotatoDumpling · 03/01/2022 10:32

Oh god I do this all the time...chat to random strangers! My kids used to tell me off, but they've given up now 🤣

I know it's not very MN PC (or considered very 'British' 🤷‍♀️) but in the real world, people CAN just be friendly you know, without anything sinister going on!

(FYI I'm a very ordinary, non-threatening, middle-aged, frumpy English woman 😬)

Kajjjer93 · 03/01/2022 10:46

Or he was just a pleasant guy having a chat rather than a scam artist. Your waaaay overthinking.

VirginSparklewell · 03/01/2022 10:53

Uh oh, Figaro!

“See him down on the beach, he’ll be looking for someone new.”

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk0MwkDZhKs

I found this song a bit sinister when I was little.

Cissyandflora · 03/01/2022 10:56

I wonder if he had had a bet with the friend. First single lady you see you have to go and chat to her.
Or - did he think you were a celebrity and wanted to chat?
These are the two things I would think if it happened to me.

Not to say you are not a lovely lady worthy of time but I know this is what I would be thinking. In my youth I had to fend off men everywhere I went. Now fat and 50 no one so much as glances at me. I would definitely be suspicious if this happened, and like you OP, I would be intrigued to know what others thought. It is not you overthinking it. You’re just asking for opinions.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 11:00

Love that, VirginSparklewell Grin.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 03/01/2022 11:01

Definitely suspicious. He’s not struck up conversation with someone standing next to him in a queue or sat nearby on a bench. He’s deliberately targeted the OP & it’s not as though he was on his own - he was already with a mate.

Maybe he thought you’d pay/buy lunch for an attractive younger companion??!

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 11:10

@Shelby2010

Definitely suspicious. He’s not struck up conversation with someone standing next to him in a queue or sat nearby on a bench. He’s deliberately targeted the OP & it’s not as though he was on his own - he was already with a mate.

Maybe he thought you’d pay/buy lunch for an attractive younger companion??!

Exactly, Shelby. This is some people are missing. He deliberately targeted me.

And yes, maybe he thought I'd buy him lunch Grin.

OP posts:
IdontPracticeSanteria · 03/01/2022 11:13

Someone stopped for a brief, friendly chat.
I wouldn't have thought it was anything more than that, neither a scam or being chatted up.

Original poster
username23894uq3944 · 03/01/2022 11:14

Cissy - I'm sure I didn't look like a celebrity! But yes, could have been a bet.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 03/01/2022 12:08

And I'm sorry if some people think I'm overthinking it. I'm not sure why they're bothering to comment.

Because "I think you're overthinking this OP", is a perfectly valid contribution to the thread.

There was no disclaimer signalling people should only comment if they agree with you, or with some of the wild theories posted here.

GrumpyTerrier · 03/01/2022 12:10

Believe it or not, plenty of younger guys fancy older women. I'm sad that you jump to scam or therapy etc rather than 'friendly chat' or 'chatting up'.

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