If you're over 40

[inmyslippers]

What advice would you give to women in their 30s

Statistically women are more likely to be unhappy in their late forties/fifties/ It is the sandwich generation of teenagers/elderly parents, alongside perimenopause and menopause. It is also when you often start to feel ageism at work.

@VaccineSticker no life expectancy is no longer increasing. But more important is that healthy life expectancy is not increasing and actually falling in some areas.
All the predictions are that younger people will be more unhealthy than the older generations because of obesity and a lack of exercise.
And 70 is too old. I am working class, most people I know struggle to make it to current retirement age. And most middle class people seem to retire early.

Invest in your friendships with good, wise, funny people. Spend time, do things together, make the effort when you’re tired with work/small children etc - good friendships make everything better

Don’t stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t make you laugh, doesn’t get your jokes, isn’t compatible with you in bed and generally isn’t right for you. If you think there may be a better match out there for you then leave. You’re under no obligation to stay in any relationship and you don’t need a good reason to finish it.
You’re much more capable than you think.

Take up running.

Statistically women are more likely to be unhappy in their late forties/fifties/ It is the sandwich generation of teenagers/elderly parents, alongside perimenopause and menopause. It is also when you often start to feel ageism at work.

Hopefully I've got a bit longer then as I had my kids early 20s, as did my mum

@userisi2 hopefully you will have an easy time then.
It is bloody tough when a parent is in and out of hospital and really ill, and you still have kids you are running around after and dealing with their issues. Plus working full time. I don't know how I coped looking back.

@RoyalFamilyFan whether you are agree people are living longer is up for debate. Medicine is def propping us all up for longer.
Gov can’t afford to have us all retire at a young age that’s why they keep increasing it. They want us all to be contributing as long as they can push us for.
Regardless of all what I’ve written above, your pension pot of hard earned money, at its current state is not something you can control until they say so.

@RoyalFamilyFan I was being a bit flippant but I do sympathise, my mum did have this as my grandmother had her later and unfortunately she had her first stroke at 70. So my mum had teenagers, my grandmother and full time job,
I remember how tough it was for her. Thank goodness she hadn't started the menopause by that point as she really struggled with that when it did happen, but we were all out the house by that point.

@VaccineSticker of course medicine is helping people live longer. I followed an interesting twitter thread a few months ago asking what age people would have died without modern medicine. For me, it was 3 years old. In countries with little access to medical help and medicines, the age population tends to be very young.

@userisi2 its fine, I didnt think you were flippant. It is just something that I never properly anticipated.

"There have been two turning points in trends in life expectancy in England in the past decade. From 2011 increases in life expectancy slowed after decades of steady improvement, prompting much debate about the causes. Then in 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic was a more significant turning point, causing a sharp fall in life expectancy the magnitude of which has not been seen since World War II."

www.kingsfund.org.uk/publications/whats-happening-life-expectancy-england

Get stable housing sorted before you have kids

Over 50...

1. Incorporate a regular practice of movement and strength.
2. Never stop seeing the funny side.
3. Karma is real

4." when someone shows you who they are the first time, believe them". Maya Angelou.

1. Be kind, whenever is possible and when no one is looking ..

I'm 37 and this thread is depressing me.

I'm about to turn 40 and considering doing all the opposite of this thread - quitting my job to become SAHM. This will screw up my pension and I don't think I'll be able to get back into my career.

But there are other things in life that are also important. My one and only child that I tried to conceive for so many years is growing up fast and I don't want to miss out on her early years. I'm also not happy with the quality of childcare - something to think about before you have children as I'd assumed I'd be happy having her in nursery while I work.

My pension age is 68 and I'm not in great health now due to disabilities. Honestly, I think if I carry on working as I am I won't make it much past pension age. What's the point of having a good pension if you die young. What is important to me now is giving my daughter a good childhood.

@1concernedmummy life is short. My advice was do what you want to do. You never get these years back.

@redpandawanda
God I hate it when I hear women make comments like that.
I'm well over 50 and having a great life.
I'm slim, fit and healthy. Long-term marriage and yes we still have good sex. I exercise, work and feel more confident in myself now than I did twenty years ago.
The only thing that just doesn't seem to be happening is 'shaking off' those adult DC

'All the benefits of stability and financial security must be weighed against the absolute exhaustion of having children later (very tired toddler mummy who just turned 40)'

Agreed by a fellow exhausted toddler mummy. As I've said previously I'm considering throwing my career away and exhaustion is the main reason. Life as a 40 year old disabled working mother is grim.

There are trends in every decade, and people who do not fit this. For example, most people in their nineties need help of varying degrees. But there will always be a 90 year old hiker walking miles every day and not needing help from anyone.

I think a lot of the current 70 and 80 year old are the ones who got to retire in their 50s and early 60s on decent pensions. So, a lot of my aunties and uncles.

If I look at my grandparents and the current retirement age, 2 died before it kicks in. 1 lost his mind 2 years after. The other lived to be 80. She'd also had the hardest life.

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Im in my 30's and this thread is great. Im a bit 'meh' about pensions so this has been a real kick up the bum, although I do have a military and NHS pension so its largely sorted for me. Do I need to pay in to a private one?

Your NHS one will be great once you get to state pension age. If you want to give yourself the option of retiring early you could set up a private one as well to fund the years before the NHS one kicks in. It’s very advantageous tax wise - your money will go a lot further than if you just put it into savings.

[quote expatmigrant]@redpandawanda
God I hate it when I hear women make comments like that.
I'm well over 50 and having a great life.
I'm slim, fit and healthy. Long-term marriage and yes we still have good sex. I exercise, work and feel more confident in myself now than I did twenty years ago.
The only thing that just doesn't seem to be happening is 'shaking off' those adult DC [/quote]
Well good for you but I can only speak from experience. I too am slim with a bmi of 20, people say I look younger than my 48 years, I exercise and have a good life and have been with my dh for 30 years with beautiful dc of which I am very grateful. But in my and my best friends of the same age lives (we talk about this all the time) life is just not as good for us in our 40’s as it was in 20’s and 30’s, those times were great. Shows we are all different 🤷‍♀️

You are enough.

Don't read trashy magazines/newspapers.

You're worth it.

Do what makes you happy, not what some arbitrary publication suggests is appropriate for women over thirty.

Be fierce and loyal and uncompromising.

Be awesome.

Don't let bad relationships destroy your confidence. Don't let other people tell you what your limitation is, find out yourself.
Build your career, find a passion, or at least a hobby, this is the biggest gain I made in my 30s. It gives me the joy/security of not afraid of getting old or being alone.