If you're over 40

[inmyslippers]

What advice would you give to women in their 30s

Marriage and children are totally optional. In many cases, you're better off without either.

Learn about finance.
Learn about investing, about pensions, watch things like Dave Ramsey or read Mr Money Moustache (then figure out the British equivalent of some of the American things they talk about like 401ks etc..).

Even if you don't subscribe to everything they say, make sure you have the knowledge to make a decision about where you will be financially in the next few years because you'll be 50 before you know it & it will be so much harder then.

Make sure if you have kids, you can teach them too so they can grow up financially literate.

Do not settle

@mycatistrans

Crack on with having your children. Don't wait til late 30s.

Don't agree with this necessarily.

I had my baby late (39) and had a great time in my 30s...

I get that fertility can be trickier as you age, but I don't necessarily think that's the case for everyone

Always maintain your financial independence.

Read ' the principles of a successful marriage' so you can assess whether you should stay in your relationship or not.

If you don't have kids but there is a skill you want to master, do it now. You won't have time when you have kids.

@Almostwelsh

No matter how hard it is at the time, do not give up your job and become a SAHM. Do not allow your job to be sidelined for his. Do not be swayed by crying toddlers at nursery drop off. In 10 years time they won't remember it. In fact they won't remember it next week.

100% !

And just cruise at work! Just tread water, doesn’t matter. What matter is you have money and choice.

Your relationship will be 100% better if your other half knows it’s always your choice to be there. And if you need you walk away then you can.

Make sure you have a pension.
Save a bit every month.
Don’t settle for someone you have doubts about.

I’m mid-30s and finding this thread really useful to read. It’s good to be given a kick up the bum about pensions and skincare and health and useless men as we are heading into the new year.

@Courcheval

Enjoy it! Your 40s are a time of change - perimenopause, first wrinkles, grey hairs. Make the most of your 30s as you become more invisible as you age (although this can be liberating - I really don't care what people think of me anymore!)

I agree with this and actually like being invisible. I also don't care what anyone thinks of me. It's great!

Don’t use credit cards unnecessarily

Wear SPF and develop good exercise and eating habits. I never struggled to lose weight and could eat what a liked (within reason). Now I am 47 and losing a couple of pounds requires a lot of self discipline.

Don't have children because of your biological clock is ticking. Only if you want them as it can happen in your 40s too. Don't rush it.

@Albgo So many women struggle with fertility as they age. I have known women your age and older have a baby no problem, and plenty of others do not manage to have a baby at all. I think there is too many young women assuming if they leave it, they will just be able to pay for IVF and everything will be fine. IVF still does not have that high a success rate. So either try younger, or at the least get your fertility health checked rather than assuming everything will be fine.

Drink lots of water.

Don't neglect your neck when you moisturise.

Do yoga or Pilates or some kind of exercise. (Your body will thank you later.)

If he makes you cry in the early days of the relationship, he will always make you cry. Leave now.

Travel. Work overseas if you can and want to.

Do Colour Me Beautiful or an equivalent and find your own style.

You'll never look as good again.

(And I don't know about anyone else, but I'm over halfway through my probable lifespan, depending on genetics/pandemics/sheer dumb luck, and I often still need advice! I keep wondering what I'm going to be when I grow up...but that's one of the joys of getting older, realising just how little you know and have experienced, in the wider scheme of things. ;)

Don’t have kids. You will not stop worrying about the for the rest of your life. Create a ‘family’ of friends.

I say this seriously as someone who is suffering from depression and anxiety due to troublesome kids.

Also stop giving a shit about what others think of you, seriously!

Don't worry about what you look like. This stuff does not really matter. Try and learn to focus on the things that really make you happy.

Leave the bastard

Not so much advice, but I’d say:
You look great. Your skin is amazing. Make the most of the energy.

I’d also say wait till your late 30s to have kids. Set yourself up financially first too.

I would say be absolutely bloody “on it” with regards to when your menopause starts or when you even have the first hint of it. Unless you take quick action, reducing food to mainly veg and some protein and making sure you look after yourself really well - drinking lots of water and exercising, you could end up in a very vicious cycle of having the menopause belly, unable to sleep well, very irritable and generally fucking miserable and a lot less healthy.

If you have any weight to lose, lose it now. Because losing weight in menopause is so much harder.

Put more in your pension now. No, more than that.

If you don't already, start to exercise regularly. Try and find something you enjoy.

If your diet is rubbish, eat healthier. Learn to cook if you need to.

If you are overweight do something about it now. It will only get harder and it will impact on your health.

Wear SPF every day.

If you smoke, give it up.

Do not settle for someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

Don't give up the day job.

I agree re: lose weight before the 40s if you need to lose it. In my 30s I would lose weight much more easily and my figure would just come back. Now I find weight is tougher to lose and even if I do also I don't just "go back" to my figure before, the waist is less defined. Also when weight comes off my face I look worse.

Obviously this doesn't affect everyone, but you don't know if you will be lucky or not till you hit your 40s! So better to not risk it and be a good weight before you get here.

Always prioritise having strong boundaries over being kind.

Letsallscreamatthesistene
Im in my 30's and this thread is great. Im a bit 'meh' about pensions so this has been a real kick up the bum, although I do have a military and NHS pension so its largely sorted for me. Do I need to pay in to a private one?

YES

Not necessarily, it depends what your pension savings are and what the benefits will be. My USS pension is worth a third of my salary every year; I don’t need to pay into a private pension on top of that.