How do I accept that I have no friends?

[Loppers]

Since leaving high school my friendship group has dwindled from a large group, to a group of 4, to 3, to 1 and now I think, to 0.

This time of year when I see people posting on Facebook, meeting up with friends and having a good time has just highlighted how alone I feel. I haven't seen my 1 remaining friend in ages, never hear from them first and think I need to accept it must be me.

I can be quite shy with people I don't know and I'm never the life and soul of the party so I find it hard to develop friendships with new people, I have people I talk to in passing but nothing that I'd classify as a true friendship. I miss having a close group of friends I can have group chats with, do secret santa, meet up for drinks and a meal. The only people I have are DP, his family and my family.

Is anyone else the same? Do you just learn to accept that's the way it is or can you change and find your "people"?

Sorry I'm just feeling very sad after a recent big birthday that I had very few people to celebrate with and wanted to talk to someone other than DP who doesn't know what to say.

@DaisyNGO

foreverlove that second example, is she feeling neglected?

No - it was a few years ago now and she turned out to be a complete narcissistic with a history of turning on her friends. I had only the week before moved 2 hours away and was still in the process of settling in when she sent me that message. There were other things too, but in a nutshell it turned out I had a lucky escape from her.

I think you either have loads of friends in your life or none. I remember a few years back having loads of nights out offers of nights in. Fast forward this year and I've got none and felt very down about it if honest. My dp is out on his second night out of the Christmas and I'm sat at home again.. I've tried reaching out to people over Christmas, but think new year I'll be more proactive. It Hurts op..I'm with you x

This is me too, except I don't really have much family either. Normally I love Christmas but I've felt quite sad and lonely this year even though I've got my 4 kids at home with me. To be honest, I've not got much time for developing friendships at the moment between working, studying and being a single parent but I do miss just sitting having a chat with someone who just knows me.

In my case I've just had to accept the fact that my life is kind of "on hold" for a couple more years but I'm holding onto the hope that it'll change and my time will come to get my life back. After a terribly abusive relationship I feel like my life has been on pause for quite a while now and somethings got to give soon.

I've got zero friends.
I've had a couple of friendships in the last three years however both women turned out (separately) to be awful. One putted herself in some kind of competition with me and the other was the "forgot my purse" type.
I ghosted both.
I do feel quite sad and lately it's been playing on my mind that I'm alone.
I'm in a ltr that I really want to leave but I'm very aware that without my partner the only people in my life would be my pre-teens and my Mum (who I have a difficult relationship with and who I wouldn't call supportive).

foreverlove oh I see, that does sound like a lucky escape.

I know exactly how you feel! I worked really hard in my 20s which was great to get me to where I am now but it had meant that I haven’t really had a social life. It’s so hard to maintain friendships! What part of the country are you in?

I’m in a similar situation. I had friends in school and college but everyone has drifted away now. I’ve joined classes, chatted on the school run etc but I’m never more than an acquaintance - all the people I’m friendly with have older “real” friends to go for drinks/coffee/nights away.
I’ve no idea how to change that.

I am a very shy introvert and find it difficult to make, and retain friends. I don't consider myself to have any, though I have a lot of friendly acquaintances through work. I find people to be exhausting generally and I work in customer service for tube stations.

I know I need to work on getting out of my comfort zone, it's the fear of rejection that stops me. At the risk of sounding sad, I don't really have any hobbies or interests! I work, look after the kids, do housework and my nights are spent watching Netflix 🙄

I do enjoy reading and would love to read more, I could try a book group. I think I need to put my big girl knickers on!

@BerthaBlythe

I’m in a similar situation. I had friends in school and college but everyone has drifted away now. I’ve joined classes, chatted on the school run etc but I’m never more than an acquaintance - all the people I’m friendly with have older “real” friends to go for drinks/coffee/nights away. I’ve no idea how to change that.

This is exactly how I feel. I know I'm not a nasty person, I'm quite nice (if I do say so myself 😂) I turned to DP this afternoon after getting quite upset and practically wailed "what's so wrong with meeee?!" complete with hopeless crying and banging fists on the floor (ok, maybe I was not THAT dramatic!)

I just text a school mum to see if she would like to meet up for a coffee as she is pretty much the only school mum I do meet up with outside of school, and then I saw something she had posted with a group of her "real friends" and felt sad that I was not a real friend to anybody in that way.

This post is coming dangerously close to pathetic now, my apologies 😁 and I know it might be awful, but it makes me feel better knowing other people feel the same. I think my first new years resolution will be to come off social media so I can stop comparing my life to other people's for a start.

Don't worry about not being anyone's "real friend" straight away. It takes time. And the more people you take a risk with and get to know, the more chance you'll meet someone who you click with and can be good friends with despite not having known them since childhood.

I'm just the same as you! I have all but given up now, I'm too awkward and shy to join any clubs or anything, I never have the right things to say either! I am sad about it, but don't see anything changing now!

My "best friend" also just seems completely uninterested.

I have known this since summer really, but I find it weird to process.

It doesn't help that she wants to do expensive stuff and I just want a cuppa.

It's a big adjustment after 20 years.