What was the biggest shock after having a baby?

[Thefaceofboe]

Mine was that babies don’t necessarily go to bed around 7pm. I always presumed bath and bed would be done at 7pm and baby would wake up for the day at 7am. My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

The lack of sleep - nothing prepares you!

The painful nipples the first few days of breastfeeding

How irritating in laws become!

The fact that you're up most of the night doing feeds.

With toddlers and young children the fact that bedtimes go on forever. Bath, supper, drink, story, endless arsing around for at least two hours. I used to dread bedtimes.

How irritating the crying is and how it's impossible to ignore and block out, and how long they can cray for!

How swollen everything was down there after the birth! 😳

• That you never sleep as soundly again
• That you will always be judged about everything you do
• That you will always have someone that you ate responsible for who loves you unconditionally
• That you will always have a readon for living

It took me four weeks to learn how to breastfeed. Day one I felt smug and cocky and thought this was easyyyyy peasyyyyy. Day two she'd obviously sussed out that she needed to up my supply massively and hit me with an ELEVEN HOUR cluster feeding marathon. Eleven. Fucking. Hours. I thought I was going to die.

At 29 weeks pregnant with my first im not sure if I'm finding this helpful or scary! 😂

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee

12 hours at 3 months is amazing, I'd have sold a kidney for that!

I would sell a kidney for that at 2 1/2 yrs.

Repeatedly being dismissed by healthcare professionals because I was a ftm. It resulted in me becoming seriously with spesis and it taking 11 months for my child to be diagnosed with an allergy.

Colic. I thought it was a bit of wind. It was like a living hell. My DD screamed loudly at a ear damaging pitch for 5 hours every night until she was almost 16 weeks old. It was awful - the dread as the evening approached, the constant trying to figure out what was wrong, trying to sooth and nothing working. Feeling like a failure as a parent. She was my dream rainbow baby but those early colicky nights were a nightmare!

That labour could be so long. I guess I knew but it felt unbelievable at the time.

That I didn't feel like myself AT ALL post birth! Emotionally I felt very vulnerable and unstable. I was always close to tears, not always because I was sad / it was hard, I'd cry if I was happy, if I looked at the baby, if I watched any TV programme. I basically had to stick with location location location and pointless as they were the only ones I liked that didn't make me cry. It got better at 6 weeks and I started to feel more like me. I found that part really difficult though.

Yes sleep deprivation. My toddler still doesn't sleep.

omg you bleed after a c section?! Why?? Am I really thick?!

Something to do with the uterus lining once the placenta has been removed. I did ask the midwife but can’t remember exactly what she said. I bleed for 4 weeks after my c section which Ive been told is pretty good compared to some women

How much my friends with kids must have been eye rolling all the shit I chatted before I actually had one, my imaginary children were easier than the real ones.
Also how unhelpful I was when my friends who had babies before me had newborns.
And that I would lose a lot of friends, the ones who have children have conflicting schedules but are always understanding and good for a vent about it and the ones who don’t have children yet just don’t get it and are annoying in the same way I was before I had them. Xx

The relentlessness of it all and I can't complain as have a happy content EBF 3 month old unicorn who sleeps 11hrs a night with no feed and has since 7 weeks. The breastfeeding is mentally tiring as she won't take a bottle and there's only my DF and I as family is either too poorly or live in another country to help. I cannot imagine having an upset baby or bad sleeper. I definitely wouldn't cope!

How much they sleep in the early days.

@Thefaceofboe

But I feel so sad when I see mums who it didn't work out for punishing themselves, feeling they've 'failed as a mum already', 'couldn't do even the most basic thing for my baby' etc. So it would help if it were made clear that it doesn't always 'come naturally'

This is me now at 3 months as dd has awful reflux and had to put her on anti reflux formula this week. I feel sick every day when I feed her the formula because I want to keep breastfeeding so badly but it’s not right for her

I completely agree fed is best, but I can’t help beating myself up over it

Have you had any bf support? No one worth listening to would advise you to swap breast milk for anti reflux formula. Contact la leche league or an ibclc for proper advice. Of course this is only if you want to bf, nothing wrong with making a choice not to but that’s not how your post reads.

For me, sadly, the very biggest shock was that my DH still acted like the world revolved around him. He is no longer my H.

That even after major surgery (EMCS) no medical professional gives a shit about you, I literally never had anyone see me after having my baby, I had to buy my own dressings when the wound got infected.

That and I didn’t realise babies farted 🤣

How hard the night feeds were so I got my three in a routine and they slept short nights eg 11-5 without waking at 8 weeks and then 12 hours by 10 weeks. Each time when my DC were 7 weeks I thought I can’t cope with this tiredness anymore.

I was shocked at the emotional need of baby to be with me and close to me. I knew that "baby needs her mum" but I wasn't expecting such an intense relationship.

Also yes the blood clots the size of my hand which were apparently fine and nothing to worry about

I had a c section and hardly bled at all, I questioned the midwife on why it was pretty much a like a regular period and she said they sucked a lot of blood out during the section. I don’t know if it was because I had twins with one giant merged placenta which made them so this but it certainly made my recovery more pleasant.

The crying, looking back I wonder if it was colic. I had such an unhappy baby it seemed, I remember even in the hospital still another mum asked me 'what's wrong with him?' and it broke my heart. Nobody ever found anything wrong with him, he just cried a lot and I guess I'll never know what it was.

Also getting an ingrown toenail from doing changing when kneeling wonky. Would never have thought of that in a million years.

1. that parenting a newborn was a lot EASIER than everyone told me it would be. I slept more than I had in years (average newborn but very high pressured job), and it was fab.

2. that also often gets worse not better, and the sleepless nights aren't for a few weeks or months but often years. I used to look back wistfully at the days of newborn sleep a year later whilst juggling a busy toddler and work.

3. how bitchy, judgemental and cliquey other mums could be about things like birth, feeding, weaning etc.

Have you had any bf support? No one worth listening to would advise you to swap breast milk for anti reflux formula. Contact la leche league or an ibclc for proper advice

Yep had lots of support, she just can’t keep breast milk or regular formula down. We’ve tried all medications etc which help with the acid just not the sickness. She was a very low birth weight and her weight gain has been poor because of how little milk she was keeping down so I just had to change to anti reflux milk. As soon as I started her on the reflux milk she’s barley been sick and can already tell this week she’s put on weight

I just want to do what’s best for her

@Quornflakegirl

I had this with a singleton pregnancy. 24 hours of heavy bleeding followed by a regular period for a few days and then a couple of days spotting, all done by day 10.

The absolute state of my fanny following a forceps and episiotomy delivery. 3 weeks on and I’m still very much in shock at how painful it is.

How your heart somehow just expands to love two children - I was worried I wouldn’t love my second as much but it’s amazing, it’s like I’ve just expanded my capacity to love them both.

As a PP said though, the complete existential dread about taking a shit