What was the biggest shock after having a baby?

[Thefaceofboe]

Mine was that babies don’t necessarily go to bed around 7pm. I always presumed bath and bed would be done at 7pm and baby would wake up for the day at 7am. My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

The pain of your uterus contracting AFTER the birth, no one told me about that!

How slowly a premature baby takes to feed, it literally could take Holland hour and having premature twins meant 30 minutes sleep between feeds for me. I honestly thought I was going to die.

The realisation that this responsibility was forever was also a shock, I knew this beforehand but didn’t actually KNOW it until the lonely hours of night feeds. I cried.

How bad postnatal care is, closely followed by, how ingrained homophobia is in everything to do with parenting.

Just how relentless it all is. The sacrificing of sleep, free time and at some points, sanity. I was expecting the sleep deprivation but only going through it did I truly realise how horrendous it could be. I also assumed babies sleep through atleast within the first year. Nope. Not for us. But also when people always said it gets better, I just thought they were words. But the reality is that it does improve and 'this too shall pass' is true.

That it takes a long time to be you again rather than baby's mum. How you can't ever do what you want when you want anymore. Baby needs always comes first. This sounds like it shouldn't be a surprise but not being able to go to the loo or grab a drink when you need one is a shock to the system

Yes, this. I remember when I went back to work it took me ages to remember that if I needed a wee I could just leave my desk and go rather than waiting until I was desperate and dashing as quickly as possible

In hindsight, the other big thing for me is how incredibly crucial the details of the current phase your baby/child is in are, and then how those same details become entirely vague and half forgotten when the next phase comes. I was obsessive about sleep/nap times/wake times/sleep cues from about 3-10 months. A friend had a baby 7 months younger than mine and I could never remember what our routine had been at 4 months/8 months and all I could offer in response to her questions wa s things like "they dropped a nap some time around 7 to 9 months" which is literally of no use to a mum in the trenches of sleep when minutes if not days are being counted.

I try to use this to not be so anxious about being perfect about every stage, knowing that in time it won't matter a bit (except for it all being foundational and therefore if I get it wrong my PFB will be scarred for life...)

Just having the baby was a shock. Id go so used to being pg, then suddenly he was here and I had to care for him.

Also slightly nicer shock - EVERYONE talks to you when you have a baby in a pram and everyone is so kind.

That they don’t start out sleeping badly and slowly get better. DD slept significantly better at 3 months than she does now at 17 months!

How shit men can be

Oh oh oh, I forgot one (the most bloody important one!!)

AFTER PAINS. Fuck me dead, they were so horrific I was in tears. And they got worse with DS2.
I remember nursing him when he was 3 days old and every time he sucked on my painful cracked nipples, my uterus would contract. I was in so much pain, DH found me kneeling on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood howling.

Worse than labor with no pain relief, purely the most agony I’ve ever been in.

Put me off a third because no way I’d want to feel that again.

Afterpains.

@Mossstitch

That the expression 'sleeping like a baby' was a lie, mine didn't hardly sleep at all!!!

Best quote I ever read was someone saying they slept like a baby - I.e. they were up every two hours, keep tossing and tuning and couldn’t settle.

But also when people always said it gets better, I just thought they were words. But the reality is that it does improve and 'this too shall pass' is true.

You're absolutely right, but this was also my most hated advice when I was in the thick of the early days and I've vowed never to say anything other than "yes, it is awful and you're doing so well right now" to a struggling new mum. I remember people saying that Bf "totally settles down at 6 weeks" and thinking that's all fine but my baby is currently 2 weeks old and 4 weeks away may as well be a new millennium since I'm living life in 90 minute cycles of feeding right now.

Sleep depreciation totally. Dd15 and twins 10, they lie in now, but I have never caught up on my sleep. It becomes normal.

The lack of sleep , and how long it took to get both of us washed dressed and feed, luck if I manage to get out the house till midday. The only advice I give new mums is to take any help that anyone offers I tried to do everything myself that was a big mistake.

That I was expected to take it home and care for it.
I was in no fit state to look after a baby, I needed a good night’s sleep and a weeks holiday

The relentlessness of it and the sheer weight of responsibility if you're breastfeeding - it's all on you.

How much of yourself you give up to motherhood. Eldest is 9 and I've just taken steps to find a hobby I love, which is just for me, and reminds me of who I used to be.

How terrifying the first bowel movement is post-birth! C-section both times and thought I'd split my stitches with those poops. Still get the fear thinking of the very first one.

How it gets harder at six monthsish. I had a lot of fun hanging out with my baby, watching box sets, breastfeeding and eating sandwiches or taking her out in the sling while she slept. Then at six months she started moving and eating food and it was all over. My days were a lot less fun after that!

One night I was up feeding, and every time I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds I was transported to a beautiful beach, or a moonlit lagoon, or a forest in spring time. I started thinking I must be magic.

I was hallucinating with tiredness. That was a shock!

That DH clearly didn’t want to be a parent. He wanted to look like a successful parent - have a wife and a child - but had absolutely no intentions of actually doing any of the work or giving any of the love that being a parent entails.

How swollen my undercarriage was after the birth (and also, how normal it would go back to!)

The fear of the first post natal poo.

Breastfeeding - I was so not prepared for that!

I was hallucinating with tiredness. That was a shock!

I had this too, but with scary hallucinations whenever i shut my eyes. I was then too scared to sleep which obviously made the sleep deprivation worse!

@Thefaceofboe

*With DD1 I literally had no Idea you'd bleed for weeks after??? I guessed a day or so as maternity pads were a thing but how rude!!!*

I had no idea you bled after a c section, I presumed I wouldn’t as nothing came from my vagina

omg you bleed after a c section?! Why?? Am I really thick?!

@ScrambledSmegs

That they let us walk out of the hospital with our newborn. Honestly, it felt like we were going to be stopped by security and told to take her back because we were clearly out of our depth

Yes! I was amazed that they just let me take her home. I didn't know what I was doing! 😂😂😂

Mine is now 12 (years). I am still surprised that she is an individual human being and has always had very clear opinions on what she likes and dislikes. I was expecting something much more similar to a doll.

My sister had told me horror stories about how hard it had been in every single way having her babies. I was prepared for the absolute worst.

My surprise was how easy I found looking after a baby. I think preparing for the worst meant it was so much easier than I'd expected.

@Mrsbclinton

My first shock was after a really long labour being handed the baby and literally having to look after her immediately. I naively thought the midwife or nurse would help out for the first night! I have never know tiredness like it…..

This..