What was the biggest shock after having a baby?

[Thefaceofboe]

Mine was that babies don’t necessarily go to bed around 7pm. I always presumed bath and bed would be done at 7pm and baby would wake up for the day at 7am. My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

The tearing, the stitches, the amount of blood and gunk that comes out afterwards.

@WakeUpLockie

I remember these shocking moments:

1. realising he is going to die one day

2. realising in the supermarket that people are still just going about their own lives and HELLO, I JUST HAD A BABY!!???

3. you are straight into it, it’s born and boom, this is it, get on with it, no time to recover really (mentally. Staying in bed with a newborn in heaven 😄). Life keeps on coming!

4. people (friends) not as interested as I’d expected

I had the realising my DD was going to die one day, I found it devastating at the time, the realisation that one day she would just end, even if its after (hopefully) a long healthy and happy life. Still feel rather shaken by it even though it’s kind of inevitable.

With DD1 I literally had no
Idea you'd bleed for weeks after??? I guessed a day or so as maternity pads were a thing but how rude!!!

@ScrambledSmegs

That they let us walk out of the hospital with our newborn. Honestly, it felt like we were going to be stopped by security and told to take her back because we were clearly out of our depth

This - I felt it was really irresponsible of them to let me just walk out like that with a baby, wild eyed and terrified.

Mine is that it’s nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I imagined that it was going to be awful, total exhaustion, loss of identity, bad recovery etc. In reality I’ve really enjoyed it, even if some days your eyes really burn from sleepiness. I think we had such low expectations that anything other than what we imagined was a bonus!

Also surprised how much personality a baby can have!

I was also very shocked how much babies fart!

Saying all that, baby is 4.5 months, so it could be the real shock hasn’t hit us yet……..!

With DD1 I literally had no
Idea you'd bleed for weeks after??? I guessed a day or so as maternity pads were a thing but how rude!!!

I had no idea you bled after a c section, I presumed I wouldn’t as nothing came from my vagina

Honestly, the most terrifying shock was realising that we were allowed - nay expected - to take this tiny helpless creature home and somehow keep her safe, all by ourselves. It was like 'we have no idea what we're doing, when is someone going to stop us?'
Helpless creature is now in her 20s and somehow got through our cluelessness and came out the other side pretty fine.

Oh also how it can affect your friendships - some friends may feel like you're not bothering with them any more, while it feels to you like you're overwhelmed (esp in the depths of sleep deprivation) but putting in a huge effort to keep up with texts, meeting up etc and yet it still amounts to less than it would have done pre-baby so friends feel frustrated. I have learnt with my second baby to be more proactive talking to friends about this, but still not sure I get the balance right.

How basically you are left to it and no one seems really that interested (professionally I mean). That it’s normal for babies to cry for hours on hours and you’ll take them to a GP and they’ll look blankly at you and say ‘babies cry, it’s normal’. But they’re clearly distressed and you’ll just be told that it’s to be expected for the next SIX MONTHS.

I swear if men did the lions share of baby care as the norm there would have been a cure for colic (and the rest) years ago.

Much harder than I thought it would be.
Cluster feeding for HOURS and when not cluster feeding the feeds were every hour or two not 3 or 4 like I expected (and kept being told by family 😐)
I thought newborn sleep would be the worst then get better with time.... oooohhhh no, 4 month regression lasted 3 months. Cannot comprehend the tiredness.

Having a post birth shower and feeling 'down there' - it felt like half a football between my legs, it was the most shocking feeling ever!

My biggest shock is now trying to parent a hyperactive toddler. I think for me, the infant stage was literally like a warm up preparing me for the toddler stage. If I didn't go through that preparation stage and jumped straight to the toddler stage, I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by now. My biggest shock is literally now which are the tantrums, being disobedient, running off, smashing things, screaming, throwing himself on the floor. Each day shocks me and reminds me not to ever have a child anymore!

@SpanielsAreMyLife

The sleep deprivation. Tiredness so bad that even mundane household chores become mountains to climb. My 1st was such a horrific sleeper that I can't believe I went on to have more.

Saaaaaame, but here I am with another who is a fantastic sleeper. I feel #blessed 😂 except he cried from the second he was ripped from my uterus until he was about 9 weeks old.

Shit that was fucking tough.

The sheer relentlessness of it! I’d never been around new borns really so had no idea

How bad the postpartum hair loss will be - I basically had a receding hairline for well over a year.

I also had no idea how difficult breastfeeding would be (my second was a brilliant feeder so it’s not universal, but my first really tested me).

How fucking difficult breastfeeding is. I wish people were clearer that it can be so hard to get it to work and doesn't come easily to everyone so mums felt less guilt when it doesn't work out. As it happened I didn't feel guilty about it with DD and was very grateful that bottle was an option and DD and I were both happier and bonded better when I jacked in BFing after 12 weeks.

But I feel so sad when I see mums who it didn't work out for punishing themselves, feeling they've 'failed as a mum already', 'couldn't do even the most basic thing for my baby' etc. So it would help if it were made clear that it doesn't always 'come naturally'.

How painful nursing was.
How much my vagina looked like someone had just lit a firecracker up inside there
How much I could fear taking a shit
How much I didn’t care who needed to poke suppositories up my arse, or delved into the recesses of my Fanny.
How much giving birth without pain relief really feels like birthing a bowling ball.

So many happy memories…

A bruised vulva. In hindsight, after such a battering I should have guessed it would be bruised, it just didn't dawn on me at the time.
I was looking at why my stitches were so bloody painful, that's how I came across that shocker

I was also shocked they just let me leave the hospital with my baby. Like surely I need to get some sort of approval. Mind you I asked if I needed a certificate to confirm I had been to antenatal classes so obviously I was looking for some confirmation that I was actually allowed to have a baby that was approved by an official of some kind.

That what I ate would affect breastmilk quite so much. Egg Sandwiches was a mistake I only made once.

Pregnant with twins, I knew my pregnancy would be high risk, so when I had my C Section at 33 weeks I knew they’d go into NICU. But the sheer despair when I was on the ward & my babies were 2 floors up was so so difficult

When they came home, yes the lack of sleep was a killer but for me it was the relentless worry.

Funnily enough now they’re nearly 3 I look back at the newborn stage and think my goodness that was easy 😂😂

Cross posted @CrumpledCrumpet !

How lonely it is.

The sleep deprivation. Even at over a year old my dd isn't a great sleeper.

Labouring for an intense 35 hours with emcs, major haemorrhage and then looking after baby straight away with little midwife support in hospital and limited visiting in covid times.

But I feel so sad when I see mums who it didn't work out for punishing themselves, feeling they've 'failed as a mum already', 'couldn't do even the most basic thing for my baby' etc. So it would help if it were made clear that it doesn't always 'come naturally'

This is me now at 3 months as dd has awful reflux and had to put her on anti reflux formula this week. I feel sick every day when I feed her the formula because I want to keep breastfeeding so badly but it’s not right for her

I completely agree fed is best, but I can’t help beating myself up over it

That breastfeed is agony, and really difficult, and that it doesn't get easier for everyone. I never had a good, regular supply and I always found it really difficult and uncomfortable.

That the newborn stage is SO BORING. I loved DS, but he just lay there like a loaf. I actually went back from maternity leave before I had to because couldn't take the monotony every day.

He's 2.5 now and I wish I could have mat leave now. We'd have an amazing time. The toddler stage is so fun.