What was the biggest shock after having a baby?

[Thefaceofboe]

Mine was that babies don’t necessarily go to bed around 7pm. I always presumed bath and bed would be done at 7pm and baby would wake up for the day at 7am. My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

Mine was opposite to most of these actually. My daughter and I took to breastfeeding like a dream, I healed quickly, felt so overjoyed and wonderful after a week or so and even that week was a joy of staying in bed, being brought food, tea, painkillers, watching Netflix and looking at this gorgeous baby. Babyhood for me was easy and she wasn't that good a sleeper but we coped.

2nd baby was more of a shock trying to carry him around (he is like a baby kangaroo just wanting to stay inside me I think haha!) and entertain 3 year old. That was a harder learning curve than the 1st time. Just settling into it now at nearly 4 months 🤣

The bleeding that seemed to go on for months.

The deep exhaustion from it all

How messed up all your insides are for awhile.
How painful stiches are.

Shocked by the impact of breastfeeding - thought my nipples were actually going to peel off for about three weeks, when it suddenly changed and became incredibly easy. Never sure why…

I forgot how weird your stomach feels afterwards.
It was all huge and tight before and then afterwards weird soft saggy.

I remember being relieved the (difficult) birth was over. Then I started breastfeeding which I thought would be a piece of cake. I mean, you just put the baby on your nipple and off you go right? WRONG. Hurt like hell. More painful than birth probably because I was so unprepared for it. Managed to BF to 14months but didn't think I'd make 14 days at first.

@MelonTits

My 3mo does 11pm - 11am

At 3mo I would have been impressed with 12 hours from any time tbh!

Biggest shocks for me:
The size of the blood clots that come out in the days following birth
Farting (the baby, not me) - both the amount and volume

Lol. I had forgotten about this. Like a plate of chopped liver

I thought the baby would just know what to do on the breast but she had to learn as much as me.

I was also surprised to find she would sometimes go nine hours without sleeping and cry nearly throughout. Rang midwives thinking something was wrong to be told oh yeah some babies cry a lot etc

I was an emotional, sleep deprived, mess for first few weeks lol

I had zero broodiness but got pregnant a year before planned. I didn’t even like children and was quite shocked when given this baby and it hit me that I’d grown it and it had come from me. I had self esteem issues over my femininity (last at school to get a period / develop a figure) so to have this proof of my feminine power was mind-blowing.

The other shock was how deeply and intensely I fell in love with her

Sleep deprivation was the biggest shock, had no idea how hard it would be

After pains😨

That when your sweet baby gets older and has additional needs which means you need a break you can't get one as people only want to care for easy kids. It's been over 4.5 years since we had one full night of from our kids. Eldest has autism and ADHD, middle one Asthma and the toddler looks like he is asthmatic to. I listen to others moan how tired they are as there kids it go away 3 or 4 nights a month yo grandparents and think omg how lucky are you.

@WakeUpLockie I had more than one midwife tell me I should have a ‘duvet day’ with my newborn when struggling with feeding/anything other than crying. Still confused about how that was supposed to happen

How much more I loved (and fancied!) DH after our eldest was born. It was just like we were both part of this brilliant shared endeavour. I think we had sex when she was about 8 days old because we were just so impressed with ourselves

@Strokethefurrywall

Oh oh oh, I forgot one (the most bloody important one!!)

AFTER PAINS. Fuck me dead, they were so horrific I was in tears. And they got worse with DS2.
I remember nursing him when he was 3 days old and every time he sucked on my painful cracked nipples, my uterus would contract. I was in so much pain, DH found me kneeling on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood howling.

Worse than labor with no pain relief, purely the most agony I’ve ever been in.

Put me off a third because no way I’d want to feel that again.

Seriously! I went and had dc2 thinking I was invincible. No pain, no stitches whatsoever.

Had no idea about afterpains but they were horrific. As you say- worse than natural birth (dc1).

Could not give up else baby starved and was determined to continue. But wow, it's horrible, and I'm not someone who likes to complain or even ask for help!

The sheer sense of responsibility that is relentless.
The constant worry.
The certainty that I would die for this little person.
The effort it takes to get baby to sleep and keep them sleeping (DS is now 2 and it's still a constant battle).
How much a baby needs to feed: cluster feeding WTAF.

The rectovaginal fistula and colostomy bag were quite a surprise

Cluster feeding whilst breastfeeding, poo explosions, growth spurts that impact sleep and feeding as soon as you think you've "cracked it". It's 4 years on and I know now to never assume I've cracked anything with parenthood.

How quickly my face aged. 😱
How I could not put her down to do stuff (unless I was happy for her to cry ,which I wasn’t).

That I would be breastfeeding pretty much constantly in the beginning.

That the days are long but the years are short. My first baby towers above me now.

How horrifyingly fast the speed limit is! That first drive home was 40 minutes of me saying, “for gods sake, slow down”

How much unsolicited advice you get.

Crying. Me. For no reason whatsoever, for weeks after the birth. How much it took for me not to punch my husband in the face when he turned round and said “what the hell are you crying for now”?

Definitely the lack of sleep. I look back at photos now and wonder why we have so many sleeping baby pictures because at the time I’d swear he never slept.

@mdh2020

Same! Nope, dont forget to prep the bottle, boil the kettle, wait 30 mins and then let it cool!😓

That feeling ‘touched out’ is a thing. Not everyone feels this way but I definitely got to a point where I needed to not have someone (mostly the baby but also my cat) not touching me. I got past this (lone parent and met my new partner after 18 months or so) but for the first year I literally just wanted space once the baby was asleep. It’s also why I personally hated co-sleeping (did it after the first night wake up out of necessity a lot of the time) but I always then woke up feeling like I hadn’t even got the nighttime to myself. It’s hard to explain as I BF and loved it, as well as all the cuddles and closeness with my baby and now toddler, but I just needed some time without it every day.

.. cluster feeding.
.. forgetting something and jogging back to the house and feeling like my uterus was going to fall out.
.. how much time and effort you spend trying to get the little sleep terrorist to sleep.
.. how much they poop and fart (EFB) after EVERY FUCKING FEED.
.. still being constipated at 5 months pp.
.. feeling invisible after the initial newborn visits, and how little your close friends now seam to care about you.
.. how every baby always seams to look like daddy.
.. how much money you spend on stuff baby never uses as a FTM.
.. how boring mum life actually is.
.. bed dread.

I was terrified when I got home with my DD. Those were the days of No time off for fathers. DH popped out of work to pick us up and drop us off home and I just sat there gazing at her in her car seat.DM had very kindly said she would come for a couple of days ( we lived 200 miles away from family)which I had agreed to but wasn't convinced by the need for until those first few hours on my own with the enormous responsibility of my little DD.The reassurance she provided as a mother was what I needed.

That you don't have to wind a baby after a feed.