How often do you have a big argument with your partner?

[garden4569]

Curious to know, what you'd answer here, by big argument I.mean losing your shit, very raised voice, swearing etc . Thanks

We’ve been together four years and he’s never so much as raised his voice at me but I’ve been so livid only twice that I’ve shouted, but never sworn. I did have very valid reasons to be angry but doesn’t excuse the shouting on my behalf.

@notacooldad

I knew this thread would be inundated with the “we never argue” people grin. I guess people can only respond with their own personal expierences.🤷‍♀️

Well that's what I was thinking

Some people just don't have 'big arguments' like the OP describes.

OP specifically asked about proper screaming, swearing, losing your shit arguments. It's possible to express yourself and argue without resorting to that, so no, not all couples who don't yell are somehow repressed and faking perfect lives!

I couldn't stomach a screaming swearing relationship again, even if it was rare. Quite probably PTSD from my time with XH.

@RosieGuacamosie

I knew this thread would be inundated with the “we never argue” people .

We properly argue maybe 4 times a year? Depends what stress etc. we’re under at the time.

I personally don’t think arguing in itself is a problem, as long as it’s not all the time and you don’t resort to nasty personal insults. Some of the most unhealthy relationships I’ve seen have been with “we never argue” couples who have a bubbling undercurrent of resentment or pressure for everything to be perfect instead of just getting things off their chest and expressing their emotions.

We're not perfect, we don't always agree and there's no bubbling undercurrent of resentment. We just find different ways to deal with our disagreements. Talking to each other, for example, apologising, treating each other with respect.

Not all relationships are the same, and there's more than one way of having a good, mutually satisfying relationship.

Some of the most unhealthy relationships I’ve seen have been with “we never argue” couples who have a bubbling undercurrent of resentment or pressure for everything to be perfect instead of just getting things off their chest and expressing their emotions
I cant relate to that.
Me and Dh are not argue-ers or bickerers. We bumble along quite happy and dont have anything to argue about.
The children are adults and we support them when needed.
We don't have any financial worries.
We socialise together and have separate friends as well.
We both muck in around the house.
We support each other when needed. He makes me laugh every single day with our private jokes that even weve forgotten how they started they are that old!!
It's been like this for 30 odd years.
The only time we struggled with each other was years and years ago when we went through some terrible financial stress which meant closing the business down and people losing their jobs but in time we regrouped and rebuilt.
I'm astounded and horrified by some of the relationships I read about on here. ( name calling, abuse lack of interest, lack of support) I didnt witness it in my parents marriage and by all accounts Dh was the same growing up.

Never. We might have a silly disagreement about once a week, but we're never really angry and it's easily resolved. We never go to bed on an argument.

Honestly never. We’ve been together six years and I can remember one occasion where I shouted at him, and that was justified!
I’ll snap at DH here and there but he very rarely snaps back, he’s very understanding really. Generally we are both really keen on talking things out before it gets to an argument. Possibly a combination of me growing up in a horrid environment where arguments were awful and often and DH being possibly the most laid back man in the world.

Maybe once a year, and it's always because he's stressed to the eyeballs with work and takes something I say the wrong way. He always apologises very quickly afterwards. We generally get on and work together really well - but I understand how working in his industry (funerals) over the past 2 years has been an absolute nightmare.

Less than half a dozen time in 20 years.

Swearing, once in nearly 15 years. We tend to have tigger points around arguing getting ready for holidays, Christmas etc and my PMDD makes it much worse.

Genuinely have never screamed or sworn at each other. Been together nearly 15 years .

Once in 16 years and that's because I had a mental break down after loosing three of our children. So it was about that, rather than DH.

Otherwise never.

Arguements prob a few times a year but not the shouting swearing really full on sort. We often argue over the same things and it’s always to do with big house renovation, combined with associated stress of high pressure jobs & compounded by tiredness.. I don’t take them seriously because I think the triggers & topics are temporary elements of our lives- fundamentally underneath I feel we are on the same page and largely agree. If we were arguing about big issues & there was lack of respect in our communication or no make up afterwards of any sort, I’d have to rethink things xxx

Hardly ever. We never have very bad rows that drag on. Really occasionally under extreme stress there have been times where we have had row but it would have been brief and quickly resolved.

Never have, not even once

Together 12 years. Never shouted at each other. Had a few strong disagreements.
I go quiet when annoyed - usually to stop myself from actually shouting at him and saying stuff I don't mean. I need to process and have an argument with him in my head before we can discuss it. If he wasn't so accepting of that approach we would probably have shouting arguments alot more!

For a few days a month he bugs the hell out of me and I think we are at the beginning of the end. Always surprises me when my period comes and I can literally feel all that annoyance leaving my body! Its mad.

Never, but we don't live together.

Honestly though, I never shouted or got particularly angry at my ex of 12 years either.

Full on shouting, barely ever. Maybe twice in 25 years and not for the last 10 years at all. DH is very laid back and tolerant and I’m very non confrontational so it would take a lot.
Bickering over minor annoyances probably once a month or every couple of months.

Never. We've been together 6 years and in our second year he told me a very big lie and I was very very very angry with him about it. He moved out for a month and it took well over a year for us to move on from it. But even then there was no raised voices or swearing. I have had abusive relationships in the past and now have a zero low tolerance approach to anything like that. If he ever shouted or swore at me I would leave him, ditto name calling or verbal abuse of any kind. That's not to say that our relationship is perfect and we never disagree over anything, but shouting and swearing is well beyond what I would personally accept in a relationship.

Never, currently we have a tense moment every 6/8 weeks but think that's cause we have a tiny baby and not getting much sleep, never brews into a big argument though.
Hope you're ok op

It's been years. Used to be fairly frequent but was toxic due to wildly different communication styles - I would get angry and shout; he would shut down completely; I would feel ignored and unimportant and get even angrier.

We had six months marriage counselling and are much better at communicating and resolving our differences amicably, though like any couple we do still "bicker" on occasion.

My DS actually asked recently, in a confused tone, if DH and I ever argue!

Yes we have heated discussions every so often. All people do.

Once in a flood I will get angry about his lack of care and understanding on something which will have been talked about several times, and my feelings will be well known on the matter and only when I have had as much as I can take and blow........ he will look shocked and later apologise and say he knows he is like that.
Other than this we rub along quite nicely and I would rather be with him than without him always.
I love the guy. He can be a twat but I love him.

Been married for 25 years and have never sworn or shouted at each other. We have had a few disagreements but have compromised like grown adults should.

Never, we’ve been together 18 years, although to be fair we are both fairly laid back (lazy).

DH and I have been together 24 years and we have never had a full blown, swearing at each other argument.

We sometimes bicker. Or have a heated debate about politics etc. But we never get personal. Neither of us have sworn at the other nor broken things in anger. But I do think that a lot of this is down to personality.

We are both pretty level headed people who don't lose their rag in private or public.

I do get very tetchy when going on holiday (airport queues, fear of being late etc). But we both know this, joke about it and reduce it by staying at an airport hotel the night before a flight.

@garden4569 I do hope that you are OK.