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Original poster

No one is interested in the Christmas tree

112 replies

CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:01

I buy a big, real tree every year and we have a beautiful collection of lights and decorations. I really go to town! Today I spent several hours carrying the tree home, moving furniture and putting the tree up. It's an 8 foot tree so it was all quite an effort. DH did not bother to help. I asked him but he 'forgot.'

DD came home from uni and I asked her to let me know when she was ready to decorate the tree. She just spent the whole evening on the sofa on her phone. DH went to his study and shut the door. I didn't want to instruct people to help me because I have spent years doing that. The tree is bare in the living room. The lack of enthusiasm has upset and annoyed me.

I am fairly certain if I decorate it myself I will be accused of being grumpy, impatient and impulsive. What should I do?

OP posts:
ByFarByFar · 11/12/2021 22:03

Leave it.

hotfroth · 11/12/2021 22:05

Our tree has been in the living room undecorated for 6 days now. DD is adamant that she wants to help me decorate it. So far we haven't both been in the house at the same time for long enough to actually do it. Although I am fairly hopeful for tomorrow evening...

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:06

@ByFarByFar do you mean not decorate and not say anything about it either? It's such a waste of a beautiful tree.

OP posts:

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Christmas Events & celebrations
Sparkletastic · 11/12/2021 22:06

Wait until tomorrow. Maybe everyone wants to relax tonight.

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:06

@Hotfroth but we have all been in the house most of the day.

OP posts:
NiceCardigan · 11/12/2021 22:07

Say you are going to decorate it Sunday afternoon (or whatever) put on Christmas music get some Sherry and a mince pie and if no one joins in it’s their loss.

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:09

@Nicecardigan that's what I usually do but I was hoping someone would show some spontaneous interest of their own this year.

OP posts:
kowari · 11/12/2021 22:10

It's not a waste, it's still two weeks until Christmas, I don't bring mine in until a few days before. Better to leave it until people are ready than for it to be a chore.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 11/12/2021 22:11

I'd start decorating it myself. I wouldn't say anything to them and if they complained I would be super smiley and tell them 'that's not very Christmas spirited is it? I just felt like getting started so I did!'

I would also 'forget' the next thing I was due to do for DH, or that I knew he'd like help with.

Tittyfilarious81 · 11/12/2021 22:13

@CommonRoom I would just decorate it tomorrow op ask your DD and DH tomorrow of they want to help

Keepitonthedownlow · 11/12/2021 22:13

It's not much fun if it's coercion. A big tree isn't important to them but it is to you. Either ask them nicely one last time and/or just do it yourself and enjoy it.

SpringRainbow · 11/12/2021 22:15

I would just decorate it myself really, if I wanted their help I would just ask.

You can’t expect others to be mind readers, especially if you usually decorate it yourself.

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:16

@Tittyfilarious81 The thing is though, I have spent the last 20 years instigating absolutely everything to do with Christmas. I want to feel part of a family which does things together, not one which has to be chivvied into doing things. My experience is that I end up doing things and then get told I am uptight and impulsive. I really hoped that by asking them to choose when they wanted to do it I could make it more of a family thing than a mum bossing everyone thing.

OP posts:
NiceCardigan · 11/12/2021 22:18

To be honest even if someone helps I might do a bit of “moving” afterwards to make sure all the decorations are evenly spaced Grin

christingle2 · 11/12/2021 22:18

@Keepitonthedownlow

It's not much fun if it's coercion. A big tree isn't important to them but it is to you. Either ask them nicely one last time and/or just do it yourself and enjoy it.
I agree. What’s fun to you may seem like a chore to them
Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:18

@springrainbow that's an odd thing to say. I am not expecting them to be mind readers and we have always decorate the tree together for the last 20 years at least.

I told them everything was ready and they just had to let me know when they wanted to do it.

OP posts:
Largethighsbadeyes · 11/12/2021 22:20

I understand OP. I have bought a beautiful big tree today and OH would be equally happy with a shitty tiny fake one.

I am going to tell them what time I'm decorating it tomorrow and if they do t want to join in that's their loss.

I will be decorating with Christmas music and wine

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:20

@Nicecardigan. Of course, I move everything around on the tree when they have gone to bed!

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 11/12/2021 22:20

Just add one bauble and a bit of tinsel, then leave it.

christingle2 · 11/12/2021 22:20

[quote CommonRoom]@Tittyfilarious81 The thing is though, I have spent the last 20 years instigating absolutely everything to do with Christmas. I want to feel part of a family which does things together, not one which has to be chivvied into doing things. My experience is that I end up doing things and then get told I am uptight and impulsive. I really hoped that by asking them to choose when they wanted to do it I could make it more of a family thing than a mum bossing everyone thing.[/quote]
I see both sides of this but maybe they don’t want to make as much of a fuss/event of Christmas you do? As in maybe you’re going above and beyond and they would be happy settling with more low-key celebrations. Hence why you’re frustrated that they don’t bother, and hence why they’re frustrated at being “chivvied” or think you’re impulsive etc

SpringRainbow · 11/12/2021 22:23

[quote CommonRoom]@Tittyfilarious81 The thing is though, I have spent the last 20 years instigating absolutely everything to do with Christmas. I want to feel part of a family which does things together, not one which has to be chivvied into doing things. My experience is that I end up doing things and then get told I am uptight and impulsive. I really hoped that by asking them to choose when they wanted to do it I could make it more of a family thing than a mum bossing everyone thing.[/quote]
Have you actual told them any of this?

It’s probably not even crossed their minds how important this is to you and how you would like them to take the initiative.

whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy · 11/12/2021 22:24

Thing is it sounds like you are trying to get everyone to sign up to a Christmas that you want. I remember my mother guilt tripping us into doing the tree. It didn't make it fun.

If she had made us do it and then rearranged it after I would have been even less amused.

What other Xmas things do you have to coerce them to do?

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:28

I am not coercing them! That's so odd! I am doing the opposite of coercing. I have said it would be really great if we could do it together but asked them to let me know when THEY want to do it. Precisely so that they do not feel chivvied or coerced.

@SpringRainbow I don't think you have read my posts at all.

OP posts:
DappledThings · 11/12/2021 22:31

I don't remember ever being enthused about decorating. I'm sure mum would have loved us to care more but I just didn't and I don't think my dad or brother would have been bothered if there wasn't a tree or any decorations at all. As an adult I feel a bit crap that I didn't make more of a pretence for her sake but as a teen/early 20s that sort of empathy is in short spades usually.

NiceCardigan · 11/12/2021 22:32

I want a nice tree and once the DCs were university age they couldn’t be bothered to join in the decorating. I remember having similar feelings to you at the time @CommonRoom. Now that they don’t live at home my DDs have their own trees that they decorate and have told me all about them. DS is still at home and he just came in to check that I’d put the train engine decoration he chose when he was 5 on the tree.

They all seems to have survived my tree decoration nagging unscathed.