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Original poster

No one is interested in the Christmas tree

112 replies

CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:01

I buy a big, real tree every year and we have a beautiful collection of lights and decorations. I really go to town! Today I spent several hours carrying the tree home, moving furniture and putting the tree up. It's an 8 foot tree so it was all quite an effort. DH did not bother to help. I asked him but he 'forgot.'

DD came home from uni and I asked her to let me know when she was ready to decorate the tree. She just spent the whole evening on the sofa on her phone. DH went to his study and shut the door. I didn't want to instruct people to help me because I have spent years doing that. The tree is bare in the living room. The lack of enthusiasm has upset and annoyed me.

I am fairly certain if I decorate it myself I will be accused of being grumpy, impatient and impulsive. What should I do?

OP posts:
lollipoprainbow · 11/12/2021 22:35

Was due for a Christmas tree delivery tonight but it hasn't arrived! Really upset as have all my lovely decorations out ready to go. Sad

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:37

I am sure DH really doesn't care about the tree, and that's fine and doesn't really bother me, though I think he could still help when he sees me struggling with heavy stuff. The thing is though that I am fairly sure that DD does like decorating. For example, she takes great care over it and talks about her memories of the different baubles and makes a video to share with friends. But she never instigates it.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 11/12/2021 22:38

The only one who cares about "Christmas-tree-puttie-uppie" day, in our house, is me.

DP goes to get the tree and will detangle / drape the lights. The kids pretend to help. But it's all for me. It's one of my favourite things.

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RoseMartha · 11/12/2021 22:38

I ended up doing the tree myself while my teens were glued to their phones.
Sending you a 🤗

SantaHat · 11/12/2021 22:39

but asked them to let me know when THEY want to do it. Precisely so that they do not feel chivvied or coerced

And yet you’re getting pissed off with them that they didn’t want to do it tonight when you wanted to! Perhaps ask them if they actually want to do it at all and perhaps plan a time for tomorrow.

Original poster
CommonRoom · 11/12/2021 22:41

@RoseMartha. Thank you!

I'm going to wait until DD is in the living room tomorrow, I'll put on some Christmas music, pour a glass of Bailey's and just start doing it and hope she'll join in.

OP posts:
ssd · 11/12/2021 22:43

Op, give it up. No one does care about the tree like you do. Just decorate it yourself and let it be.

Marimaur · 11/12/2021 22:44

Just decorate it? I decorate mine and if people want to help they do.

Chachasha · 11/12/2021 22:47

I think you need to accept that it's not a crime for people to want different things. You've said what you want and that's fine, I hope you get it. But there's no reason why anyone else should have that goal or desire. To be truly non coercive, make your peace with the possibility that no one will feel like decorating the tree except you and actually that's not a big deal. It really isn't. What choice do you have? Stropping around, passive aggressive bauble hanging, people storming about trailing glitter in a huff or worse still, decorating because they know you'll make things uncomfortable if they don't. I would skip all of that and just decorate it.

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2021 22:50

I want to feel part of a family which does things together

I know exactly what you mean. I too thought that decorating the tree together would be magical family time like it is in the films and TV adverts. In real life, you just get in each other’s way and argue about how to do it.

At least if you do it on your own, it’ll look like the ones in the films and TV adverts rather than a mash-up of 3 different decorating styles and you won’t need to spend the next week secretly moving things 🙂

Dryshampoofordays · 11/12/2021 22:50

I would love an 8ft tall real Christmas tree OP! It sounds like you put in a lot of effort to have a special family Christmas and make happy memories. Sadly, if you’ve asked them to let you know when they want to help and they haven’t given you a response -I think you might have your answer and they’re not that bothered? I hope they do choose to get involved but If not, pick a time that suits you and enjoy decorating your beautiful tree. It might be liberating to do it just for you this year, rather than using so much energy trying to jolly them along. It sounds like it is simply more important to you than it is to them, and you can’t really change that.

godmum56 · 11/12/2021 22:52

[quote CommonRoom]@Nicecardigan that's what I usually do but I was hoping someone would show some spontaneous interest of their own this year.[/quote]
why? if they aren't interested they aren't interested. If you enjoy it then crack on but you can't force it.

Lightstoobright · 11/12/2021 22:53

Why don't you say "I'd really love to decorate the tree with you. Shall we do it now?"

thelegohooverer · 11/12/2021 22:53

I do about 90% of Christmas in my house so I feel fully justified in prioritising the things that I enjoy. There’s a lot of extra work this time of year and it gets done when I have the time and energy.

The dc are free to join in, watch and chat, or bother off by themselves as they wish. I just announce what I’m doing and work to a time table that’s convenient to me.

I nearly broke my heart when they were small organising Christmas crafts and activities to do together and because ds has autism it was never going to be smooth sailing. This way works far better as no one gets overwhelmed and I don’t feel disappointed if one of them walks off halfway through, or doesn’t want to join in at all.

It also means that when we are working together or having a special moment I can see it and I’m not blinded by an Instagram fantasy.

So my advice is to decide whether you’d like to decorate the tree and if so go ahead when it’s convenient for you. If they join in, enjoy it. If they sit around and chat, enjoy it. And if no one helps then enjoy putting together the perfect tree.

Iamkmackered1979 · 11/12/2021 22:54

If it’s heavy and you’re struggling just ask him to help. Tell him you’ll just decorate it does he want to help or not? Same with other family members?….I put up ours kids aren’t really interested but love the finished effect and the lights. Eldest helps get it in etc - he’s 20. They all love Christmas 🎄 me too but I accept there will be things I do myself.

Anomelettefortheroad · 11/12/2021 22:55

If this is how its been for 20 years why did you think this year would suddenly be different?

MadMadMadamMim · 11/12/2021 23:02

The only person interested in ours is the dog, sadly.

I sent DH out for an 8ft tree and it's fab. He dutifully brought it in and set it up in the holder in the corner of the living room. However - neither of the over 6ft men in this house wanted to help. DH lay in the bath with a bad back (which is fair enough, he is awaiting surgery). DS (17) who is 6ft 3" was too busy killing things on his Xbox - when I asked if he wanted to help decorate the tree he said, No, you're ok, thanks.

I did it alone, which means there is basically nothing on the top 2 feet of the tree! It's got lots of baubles and tinsel on the lower parts - but only as far as I could reach and the star isn't on the top.

DDog however LOVES it and has spent quite a lot of time lying on his back underneath it knocking baubles off and then chasing them across the floor.

I don't think either of the chaps has actually noticed I've decorated it, but will probably make kind noises at me if I point it out. They don't really get the love.

MrsPsmalls · 11/12/2021 23:05

I've had this shit for 20 years op. DH and DS honestly wouldn't care if there was no tree at all. DH wouldn't care if there were no presents, DS wouldn't care if there was no lunch, neither even pretend to care about Christmas music, pantomimes, outside lights, crackers, candles, shopping for other people or visiting family. DS is only interested in partying with friends and DH is mainly just happy to have time off work. Which is fair enough I guess. My tree looks fab. I did it myself.

TempNameChangexx · 11/12/2021 23:05

Next year, just don't bother getting a tree - tell them it's their turn....

MrsLarry · 11/12/2021 23:08

Stop being dramatic and just decorate the tree

Justmuddlingalong · 11/12/2021 23:09

If you said that you would decorate it when they were ready, and you only bought it today, surely it'll happen before the 25th.

Corneliusmurphy · 11/12/2021 23:10

I would just put the lights on because that bit is shitty and easier to do by yourself (or myself anyway, obviously people are differently abled) And then see if anyone wanted to join me tomorrow with the easy stuff.
I love my tree and would do it for myself anyway.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/12/2021 23:12

We had visions of doing it family style with drinks and music too. In the end H and the youngest did it while I watched from the couch. Oldest was out somewhere and middle playing games. I do everything all year long and all the gift buying so I was happy to sit back this year

Embracelife · 11/12/2021 23:14

Maybe they don't see the point t tgen?
" i help mum decorate the tree but she just does it herself aNyway
Moves everything around after I decorated tree with her
I don't see the point this year of doing it with her if she just going to move everything her way she may as well do it herself?"

toomuchlaundry · 11/12/2021 23:15

If you move things around after they have gone to bed maybe they can't be bothered to do anything as you will only change it.