SO annoyed with myself for this reaction to playground mums

[Ryderweneedyou]

I'm posting for solidarity, or for everyone to tell me to pull myself together.

I'm a nice person. I'm kind, I'm fun, I'm good at my job, love my family, volunteer in my spare time etc etc BUT one scathing comment from the bloody playground mean mums and I feel literally 2 inches tall.

As a bit of background, there is a little group of these mums in DDs year. DD is close friends with some of their DC (Yr 2) so I always make an effort. I honestly get on with people in most circumstances, I just dont know what is the matter with these women. At pick up, everyone stands in a horizontal line in the playground as the kids wait at a distance from us until they spot a parent and ask to be released. So today, I head into the playground and end up standing next to one of these mums. I've spoken to her a dozen times before, our kids are friends etc, I've had her DD over to play etc so I said 'hello, how are you'. She gave me a tight smile, a (disapproving) look up and down, turned to the mum on the other side and started a story about how she had invited absolutely everyone she knew to her big xmas get together, it was going to be just amazing, 'everyone fun' from the year is going etc etc. It was so overt. Worse, a parent I dont know on my other side obviously clocked the whole thing and gave a sympathetic smile, so everyone knows I'm a pariah.

Obviously, if this happened to someone else, I'd be able to reassure them without a doubt that rude mum was a dick. But when it happens to me, I'm pushed right back into my secondary school self, convinved that every cool, thin, glossy girl (now school mums) just hated my weird chubby unpolished self. Not helped by the fact that this group is very beautiful and immaculately groomed and I'd just huffed in like a fat, messy huricane. Anyone willing to sympathise or tell me to grow up?

Some people are just rude fuckers. Honestly just sit tight and they'll all be shagging each other's spouses in a few years and you can watch and laugh.

I suspect the sympathetic smile person is nice though.

It's fucking brutal isn't it?! What an absolute bitch.
I promise it's her and not you, but I get how crap it is.

Oh OP This lot aren't going to grow up in the next five years so you might as well have some fun. Practise your own "lookup and down, smirk, gesture to imaginary spinach in teeth" routine. Find your own tribe and encourage your DD to broaden her social circle.

Oh gawd playground politics are just the worst! I think there's something about the playground that brings out the worst in some of these parents. Next time you see her give her an icy smile and nod and look HER up and down and then walk straight past.

Honestly, these kinds of school mums are just not worth the head space. Stick to the sympathetic smile parents!

Well she's a rude one.
💐
If you can laugh at this sort of overt idiocy it helps.

She certainly ain't got a glossy personality ! Screw her, be on the right side of human history and don't waste any more time thinking about her opinions x

At least you don't have to actually go to the party, they will only be talking about extensions and secondary schools anyway, yawn.

This happened to me! Repeatedly blanked, really blatant, their kids were friends with my DS.
It started in reception. It's lessened over the years but I'm still sore about it. Yr 6 now!
Turned out there were a group of mean ones in the class, and many other mums felt isolated and were being treated the same by them. When we found each other we became firm friends. Took a good few years for us to each realise it was just a few mean mums making the rest feel excluded and small.

Ah OP, fuck em.

I have two ads still in school.

One year group are fab, we go out and get pissed and a couple have now turned in to genuinely good friends and see each other privately.

The other group are like a bucket of cold sick.

I often go to pick up straight from work, work uniform on, make up melted off and the other mums look like they have all just left a spa, make up and hair done, fancy coats and coordinated fashion show. One of them actually looked me up and down the other day before saying 'hi'

The other year mums are all just as busy as me and look the same. No judgement off any of us.

Its really not you - its them (fuck em)

I sympathise. I had similar in my DD's year. I was so glad to see the back of them at the end of Y6! I did make a few other lovely friends elsewhere in the school.

DDS**

Maybe you should get to know the parent on the other side who gave you a smile. I'll bet she's not invited either.
Personally I don't give time of day to the 'mean girl' mums and I'd rather not be 'in' with that kind of crowd or be classed as one of them. I'm no longer 15years old and desperate for approval.
Seriously I'd look further than these small-minded people.

Get a full time job - you will never have to see these bitchy housewives again, OP!
The nanny used to make me laugh with her imitations of these women at the local playgroup.
Not enough to occupy their minds, so they engineer silly feuds and status contests to fill their empty lives. Don't waste a single minute thinking about them - they aren't worth it.

Sadly familiar. Just minimise contact. Someone wise here once said "school is for children" once and I've always found it immensely helpful. Stay away from the poisonous ones!

It's so true that it won't just be you having this experience with these women. Like a PP it took me a while to find the other mums who had also been 'rejected' by the self appointed cool mums but we have since become really good friends. No excuse for that level of pointedly unkind though. What gives with these cows?

I am a gran, but witnessed almost the exact same scenario a couple of weeks ago in the schoolyard!

I actually spoke to the pariah afterwards, because she was so bloody brilliant.
Conversation started with Pariah asking other mum if child was getting excited for Christmas yet. Other mum said yes, then blatantly almost turned her back to say to favoured mum ' and I am too! Can't wait for our mum's lunch, I have loads of delish food planned'.
Without missing a beat Pariah mum chipped in ' oh yes, can't wait - let me know if you want me to bring anything'.

It was bloody perfect! Snotty mum was speechless, she just did not know how to respond, so said nothing, just smiled - but looked totally confused.
Pariah mum didn't even make eye contact, just kept watching the classroom door and favoured mum and I made eye contact and both of us were trying desperately not to laugh.
On the walk back to the car I laughed about it to Pariah and her exact words were ' I couldn't give a shit about her party, just wanted toput the fear into her'.

Great attitude to have to snotty cows!

@ThePlantsitter

At least you don't have to actually go to the party, they will only be talking about extensions and secondary schools anyway, yawn.

Exactly! What horrible people. Why can't people be kind.

Ignore. Give it a few years, and your kids will be in secondary school and you’ll never have to see these women again.

I bet you have a wonderful full life which leaves no need or want to drag down others for their own value. Feel sorry for the sad bitch! Hope your head high!

I had this when my ds was in reception. I was talking to a mum when one of the Queen Bees came over and asked the woman I was with if she wanted to join the year WhatsApp group she was setting up. I distinctly remember her saying she wanted it to be non cliquey. I was completely ignored and felt embarrassed and a humiliated whilst she took the number of the woman I was stood next to.

Fast forward a few years and I did get on the WhatsApp group eventually via someone else, but I left after about a year as it was largely the same Queen Bee mums posting and everyone else kept quiet. I remember when I left I got a message from someone saying 'well done you for leaving the most irritating WhatsApp group ever'. 😁

I've found a couple of peripheral mums who are really lovely. Best to keep out of the in crowd imo!

That's horrible. I tried to be friendly with DD friends parents & they were cold and unwelcoming. Luckily I made some great friends with Mums of DS friends. So much nicer & made me realise it's not me. Elsewhere I have plenty of friends so was only trying to make things nicer at drop off. It's obviously someone who is insecure & trying to make themselves feel better.

I would hold my own much better party with a different group and not invite her.

The snootiest mums I came across were the worthy crafty mums. I tried to be friendly but they weren’t having any of it - I was definitely disapproved of! They now glower at teen Dd she’s not approved of either 😁. Their own daughters are super square. Don’t care as have lots of friends but it’s quite funny to be do disapproved of in your late 40s by people you barely know!

God, what it it with people OP? Next time please say 'Blimey, that was rude' in a sort of puzzled, and definitely audible, voice.

I did it once without meaning to (ADHD blurting) and it was so satisfying and effective that I've used it again a few times with excellent results. They've always looked chastened (and foolish) and you still get the empathetic looks.

Thank you, all, I know you're all right. I have another DD in Yr 5 and I've never had this sort of trouble before with the parents in her year. Unfortunately, I cant blow them off or be curt - DD2 is so sensitive (wonder how that happened :) and I dont want her to be excluded etc because of me.