Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

SO annoyed with myself for this reaction to playground mums

125 replies

Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 16:53

I'm posting for solidarity, or for everyone to tell me to pull myself together.

I'm a nice person. I'm kind, I'm fun, I'm good at my job, love my family, volunteer in my spare time etc etc BUT one scathing comment from the bloody playground mean mums and I feel literally 2 inches tall.

As a bit of background, there is a little group of these mums in DDs year. DD is close friends with some of their DC (Yr 2) so I always make an effort. I honestly get on with people in most circumstances, I just dont know what is the matter with these women. At pick up, everyone stands in a horizontal line in the playground as the kids wait at a distance from us until they spot a parent and ask to be released. So today, I head into the playground and end up standing next to one of these mums. I've spoken to her a dozen times before, our kids are friends etc, I've had her DD over to play etc so I said 'hello, how are you'. She gave me a tight smile, a (disapproving) look up and down, turned to the mum on the other side and started a story about how she had invited absolutely everyone she knew to her big xmas get together, it was going to be just amazing, 'everyone fun' from the year is going etc etc. It was so overt. Worse, a parent I dont know on my other side obviously clocked the whole thing and gave a sympathetic smile, so everyone knows I'm a pariah.

Obviously, if this happened to someone else, I'd be able to reassure them without a doubt that rude mum was a dick. But when it happens to me, I'm pushed right back into my secondary school self, convinved that every cool, thin, glossy girl (now school mums) just hated my weird chubby unpolished self. Not helped by the fact that this group is very beautiful and immaculately groomed and I'd just huffed in like a fat, messy huricane. Anyone willing to sympathise or tell me to grow up?

OP posts:

SamhainToImbolc · 11/12/2021 09:34

@TillyTopper

I know what you mean OP! My kids are 19 now... but after my first experience when they were at nursey I stop bothering, I never spoke to another mother from school. I walked in, ignored everyone, looked forward to getting my kids, and left. Because well - there are a lot of school gate dicks in my view.

Same here. I walked in at the last minute, drop and run in the morning and reverse in the afternoon. Successfully avoiding the cliques and bitchy mums.

BurnedToast · 11/12/2021 09:42

@NOTANUM. Yes I do thank you. I was a little hurt at the time as it was a bit if vulnerable time for me what with the issues going on with my son's SEN which were bad enough I gave up work. I've since returned full time and my son is at a great special school so all is well. I can laugh at it now. Thank you for your kind message though.

NOTANUM · 11/12/2021 09:46

I’m delighted to read that @BurnedToast and that your son is settled in his new school. Your post reminds me of the pain of NCT groups too!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families Primary education

Chr1stmasCarole · 11/12/2021 09:47

*Worse, a parent I dont know on my other side obviously clocked the whole thing and gave a sympathetic smile, so everyone knows I'm a pariah.

@Ryderweneedyou*

It's interesting that this was the conclusion you drew from the other mum smiling at you.
It more likely to mean:
She's been on the receiving end.
She knows that the other woman is a cow.
She's lonely and would like to strike up a conversation.
She's a nice person and worth talking to.
She's happy today.

You get my drift...... maybe set out to find people outside of this clique, I'd bet a year's salary that the bitchy woman does this on a regular basis to people.

Tiredan · 11/12/2021 09:47

BurnedToast, sure is weird. There's a PhD for some anthropology student somewhere in there, isn't there.

OP, the comment was designed to hurt, that's why she said the bit about "all the fun people" so that any listeners would know that they had not made the cut. It was a broad spectrum barb meant to hurt as many people as possible.
It's a wankerish thing to do and the only thing to do is to just leave them to it. All the interesting, kind, funny mums are not hanging about with these dickheads.

GruffaloSolja · 11/12/2021 09:53

Come off it OP, there has some sort of backstory to this encounter. Are you missing out the bit where you didn't invite her or her daughter to a party of yours? I'm not saying she's not a cow, but her little performance at the school gates is definitely a reaction to something she thinks you did or some perceived slight against her. If someone I barely knew started talking about their Xmas party to someone else I wouldn't automatically assume it was some sort of cruel barb aimed at me.

ghostmouse · 11/12/2021 09:55

Oh fuck em op I had 18 years of the school run and by the end of it I never spoke to no one, apart from 1 mum who was a pariah too. we were always talked about, never part of the clique, the mums had lived their entire lives in the village, never worked, drank together, in fact they never did anything remotely interesting..and then dh died in July..2 weeks before dd3 left year 6..omg the gossip, the fake sympathy, the whispers and the stares, school kept her for 10 minutes extra so I could collect her later it got that bad. Don’t have to see anyone of them now thankfully. Arseholes

Tiredan · 11/12/2021 09:58

Good to hear it, BurnedToast.
My wee group of people have always been the folk that the Shiny People don't want.
They are the loveliest, most interesting people and it was easy to find them because they came pre sorted by the Super Cool Kids. I met my one of my best mates at playgroup 40 years ago due to some carry on about her not wearing a headband

Oakdene · 11/12/2021 09:58

@Ryderweneedyou
Please watch Motherland - and laugh. Perspective is good!

Novasmummy · 11/12/2021 10:17

*I'd just huffed in like a fat, messy hurricane
*
Omg. Are you me?

I had a hard time at high school and I literally get heart palpitations and when I do the school run. I get so anxious it's horrible. I couldn't even make my face smile, I feel sick and just get in and out as quickly as possible. I'm not like this in all situations but at school I am a fat messy hurricane usually 5 minutes late and red faced and sweaty too.

I just don't speak to any of them. I'm not sure that's a good social tactic, but as a survival strategy it's going ok!

Sunnysideup999 · 11/12/2021 10:19

This is why I hired a pick up nanny. To avoid this sort of shite.
Rise above it and crack on with doing you. Next time you see her blank her very obviously

Allisonsmith · 11/12/2021 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Hen2018 · 11/12/2021 10:38

I had no real interest in the parents at primary school but noticed one refused to talk to me or acknowledge me.

Once we had to staff a stall together at the Christmas fair and she spoke to my son to give me directions! (Via my son, if that makes sense).

I was divorced before my children started school. Suddenly, in year 4, lots of parents also got divorced. So did this woman and she spoke to me quite normally after that!

ShinyHappyPoster · 11/12/2021 10:40

I developed the view that it was better to know they were awful early on rather than be confused that they might be friends. Then I got into the habit of checking emails at pickup time, giving a nod/smile to anyone who said hello to me and leaving it at that. Over all the DCs' years at school and clubs, I've probably met about 300 school parents and there are only five I'd count as friends.

SmellyOldOwls · 11/12/2021 11:16

I'm the same OP. I usually smile and chat to everyone and this is the first time in my life a group of people have been so rude to me. I think DS is missing out invitations to other kids birthday parties because the other mums don't know or like me. Which absolutely kills me

FinallyFluid · 11/12/2021 11:33

We had a Queen Bee at primary school, she made the Queen sound common, she had a party when her DS was about 6, it was in the village hall and is it was a glorious day when it was over we took the children to the adjacent playground.

Started chatting away to one of the other Mums, a friend of mine joined in and eventually other Mum said, you are all so lovely, QBee is my sister and we are from a rough arse area in London, try and get her pissed and watch the accent disappear.

Next parents night out we did just that , her accent changed to a really rough one and no one took her seriously after that.

Comedycook · 11/12/2021 11:58

@SmellyOldOwls

Same happened with me...to make matters worse, my DD has sn, she is popular but rarely invited to parties because of the mum clique disliking me. Unfortunately my dd would cry and think there was something wrong with her. I actually decided to tell her the truth...I told her the other mum just invite the children of the mums they're friends with, but once she's in secondary they won't be able to control their kids social life that way.

On the plus side, a couple of the mums in the clique have fallen out which amused me no end

CrumpetsAndWine · 11/12/2021 12:11

Thank you for starting this thread and reminding me that the fact my job rarely permits me to do the school run is actually a blessing as I would hate to have to deal with these women who seem to turn back into schoolgirls when back within the playground.

Really not you, its them. How sad their lives must be that they feel the need to try and belittle others.

cherrypie66 · 11/12/2021 13:08

They are bitches. Just ignore them who wants friends like them anyway

Deathraystare · 11/12/2021 14:46

Well at least you wont have to entertain her daughter anymore or do her any favours! She needs a lift? Sorry!

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 11/12/2021 15:21

Wow. She is a nasty piece of work and not worth the upset. I make effort with everyone in the playground, whether it's a smile or just a few words. It's just good etiquette isn't it.

I hope no one shows to her Christmas party or it gets cancelled.

Marshwawows · 12/12/2021 02:33

Secondary school has been such a blessing and these women lose their power when they don’t have their clique in the playground. Or they head up the PTA at the first opportunity!

Nat6999 · 12/12/2021 03:03

After the first couple of months & finding out which mums were in the alpha mums gang I just used to go in the playground either with headphones & music on or didn't turn up until the last minute before dc came out.

BurnedToast · 12/12/2021 03:12

I agree secondary school is a blessing. DD has almost finished school , but has had the same group of friends since yr 7. We have some of her friends parents mobile numbers out of necessity, and always have a polite chat with a couple of the kids parents when we give lifts etc. Bit that's it. So nice after all the drama of primary school.

.

BurnedToast · 12/12/2021 03:33

@Tiredan. It certainly was weird. I know I hadn't done anything , or if I had it must have been very minor as I had no idea what it was. But there was a definite closing of ranks.

Something must have triggered it as it was clearly orchestrated between them , but I will never know. Oh well, sometimes your face doesn't fit. I'm not a group person anyway, I struggle with the dynamic of it all and never quite fit in so perhaps they picked up on that.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread