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Original poster

SO annoyed with myself for this reaction to playground mums

125 replies

Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 16:53

I'm posting for solidarity, or for everyone to tell me to pull myself together.

I'm a nice person. I'm kind, I'm fun, I'm good at my job, love my family, volunteer in my spare time etc etc BUT one scathing comment from the bloody playground mean mums and I feel literally 2 inches tall.

As a bit of background, there is a little group of these mums in DDs year. DD is close friends with some of their DC (Yr 2) so I always make an effort. I honestly get on with people in most circumstances, I just dont know what is the matter with these women. At pick up, everyone stands in a horizontal line in the playground as the kids wait at a distance from us until they spot a parent and ask to be released. So today, I head into the playground and end up standing next to one of these mums. I've spoken to her a dozen times before, our kids are friends etc, I've had her DD over to play etc so I said 'hello, how are you'. She gave me a tight smile, a (disapproving) look up and down, turned to the mum on the other side and started a story about how she had invited absolutely everyone she knew to her big xmas get together, it was going to be just amazing, 'everyone fun' from the year is going etc etc. It was so overt. Worse, a parent I dont know on my other side obviously clocked the whole thing and gave a sympathetic smile, so everyone knows I'm a pariah.

Obviously, if this happened to someone else, I'd be able to reassure them without a doubt that rude mum was a dick. But when it happens to me, I'm pushed right back into my secondary school self, convinved that every cool, thin, glossy girl (now school mums) just hated my weird chubby unpolished self. Not helped by the fact that this group is very beautiful and immaculately groomed and I'd just huffed in like a fat, messy huricane. Anyone willing to sympathise or tell me to grow up?

OP posts:
Receptionclass · 10/12/2021 22:28

I've always done pick ups with my head phones in right till the minute. Acts both as a repellent and defensive barrier.

Blinkingbatshit · 10/12/2021 22:35

Oh God - I keep telling dd that when she grows up she won’t have to deal with this petty crap….except eventually she will😩😩… I don’t know where these school gates bitches get the audacity to behave like this, it’s just depressing!

Alpenguin · 10/12/2021 22:40

I had 7 years of that crap and dread my youngest starting school in case I have to put up with it all over again. I realised however I had a life outside that playground and they didn’t. They were all PTA, socialised with each other, kids all played together and didn’t have any kind of life away from each other. It sounded horrific. Secondary school has been such a blessing and these women lose their power when they don’t have their clique in the playground.

As a PPmsaid, headphones, a great big smile and always be too busy to hang around … unless you want part of the mean girls experience

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thymetologout · 10/12/2021 23:03

Oh god, some people are just insufferable. It's not you, it's her. No advice, I can't deal with them either. Solidarity.

whitehorsesdonotlie · 10/12/2021 23:03

@Ryderweneedyou

One of them loooooooves backhanded compliments to my DD. 'Oh gosh, Ryder, isnt your daughter just so beautiful (she is) and popular. Wherever does she get it from?' pointed look, sly smile
She's a cunt. May she and all her catty friends catch Covid at her stupid party.
RobertaFirmino · 10/12/2021 23:15

@HarrisMcCoo

Just ignore rude comments or folk at pick up. I had some dad say "alright then 🙄" when my tired 4yo roared at him. He is only small and very tired from his day at nursery. I would just laugh if someone's child did same to me. They are only tiny.

We all have incidents that happen at those gates. Best to ignore them. Move on.

Eh? Roared? What, like a lion impression, you mean? I'm not sure what the correct response to that would be, I suppose the dad could have chucked him a piece of raw meat but he might not have been to the supermarket. Did you mean something else?
ASushiBitMyFinger · 10/12/2021 23:16

I advise to not get involved with the 'in' mums. There are usually a few lovely mums to be friendly with who not part of The Group and who might be a better fit.

There was an insufferable mummy clique in Ds1's year, from reception though to year 6. So pleased to be rid of them. I still managed to make 3 really lovely friends with mums in his year but gave the clique a wide berth. I was always polite but I have little time for gossipy, competitive women who seem to be eternally frustrated and unfulfilled. A pp said they'd just talk extensions and secondary schools, she hit the nail on the head. They'll probably also moan about their kids and dh.

MsTSwift · 11/12/2021 07:17

Yes there are brilliant women there too. 12 years on from Dd starting primary have some amazing local friends met through kids. Very few of our kids are still friends they all teens now but we still are.

MsTSwift · 11/12/2021 07:18

What’s wrong with talking about secondary schools when your child is having to choose one?!

Dozer · 11/12/2021 07:20

Urgh, rude fucker!

At least she was SO overt you know she’s one to avoid!

3teens2cats · 11/12/2021 07:54

Honestly so many parents in the playground behave like they are still at school themselves. It's actually really sad. One day they 'knock for you' so you can walk down together and then next they won't speak to you for some random reason. I learnt my lesson from older 2 children so when youngest started I ignored the lot of them. Arrive at correct time, drop off /collect and leave. Why does it have to be a social occasion?

BurnedToast · 11/12/2021 08:01

Just ignore her. I personally thinks it's better not to get too involved with school parents, especially in a group. I have come away with a handful of friends from those days but they are people I would be friends with anyway.

My two are almost finished with school now and all this crap ends at secondary school anyway. But, when mine were at primary I'd often watch these cliques form, the bitching and back stabbing would start and soon implode at some point.

There's too many points of conflict - little in common than the fact you've had children at the same time, being forced together for years on end, people never wanting to admit their child may be less than perfect. Disaster waiting to happen.

MsTSwift · 11/12/2021 08:10

Yes It’s far easier being friends with parents your child has nothing to do with.

goldruby · 11/12/2021 08:18

I really feel for you. I hate school runs with a passion. I am actually a popular mum but I hide away as it all reminds me of hideous high school far too much.
I try to remind myself I'm an adult. That it was back in high school that people openly excluded people on the basis of their social status and that as an adult I have my own life that doesn't involve mean ladies!

BurnedToast · 11/12/2021 08:19

I've just remembered the clique in my youngest son's year. He was in year 6 and I was taking time off work as he had SEN and lots of associated issues. I'd previously worked part time so I knew this group.

This may be long - I apologise . But I need to describe the madness of these grown women.

They used to go for coffee every week at a coffee shop at the end of my road. So at some point I got invited along a few times. All was fine , happy to join them but didn't join their group as it were. I'm very conscious that I'm not a group person so tend not to seek that out. Over the weeks I noticed the invites stopped , fine. But then I also noticed they had begun staying behind in the playground on their coffee Day (always same day of the week) so that I left before them. Presumably because as the coffee shop was on the corner of my road it was so I didn't see them go there Confused.

I decided to test one week by delaying my walk home and stopped to chat to them, it was like something out of Mean Girls Grin with them all looking awkward as hell. They left just before me and I walked all the way behind them whilst they muttered to themselves and kept glancing back. We ended up all crossing the road opposite the coffee shop at the same time, me smiling at them, them looking like Deers in headlights. One of them invited me to join them through pursed lips. I declined of course. It was just very funny watching them squirm under their own ridiculousness.

I knew one of the women fairly well from NCT days. Our sons have always been friends but we've never had a friendship ourselves. But always got on ok. I avoided her because she was always bitching about people in our NCT group so I knew she wasn't my cup of tea. Always been polite though. She was very embedded in the school group and had been for years. Not long after the coffee shop incident she came over to collect her son and said something like ' The coffee group are exclusive and people are able to join by invitation only. It's funny how it's decided whose ok to join though. I asked the group if a 'friend' could join and the answer was no , but this week so and so has been allowed'. I just stood there and thought my hunch about this woman had always been correct and what batshittery is this by grown women. ShockIt was definitley a less than subtle message to me that I was not authorised to join their group. I remember just saying something like 'Im sure your 'friend' is fine about not going for a weekly coffee'.

The funny thing was they were all sweetness and light when I bumped into them individually. But in a group they behaved like teenagers .

RandomDent · 11/12/2021 08:26

They were probably like this at school and never moved on.

WatchMyLips · 11/12/2021 08:32

I echo what everyone else has said, it's them, not you
They are all competing with each other underneath and not proper friends
It's sad really because it will all unravel
Best to stay on the side lines and be prepared to decline any invites when they come, because they will, they'll want to weigh you up
Tragic but entertaining when you see them for what they are

SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 11/12/2021 08:45

What an absolute tosser she is.

I promise you, everyone else will have already noticed what a dick she is. You aren't an outsider. Those kinds of people just like to make you feel like an outsider.

I hope a bird shits on her head.

BurnedToast · 11/12/2021 08:49

I hope a bird shits on her head. Grin

LynetteScavo · 11/12/2021 08:55

You've obviously offended her in some way. You probably invited Little Lucy to tea and it her Little Annabel. You will have been totally I aware that Annabel even wanted to come to tea. Grin

Why didn't you strike up conversation with the mum on the other side who gave you a sympathetic smile? This would be war for me, I'd now invite everybody round expect rude mum for hehr best party ever I wouldn't actually, apart from in my head

CaMePlaitPas · 11/12/2021 08:59

OP, please, please, do not internalise other people's behaviour. Their behaviour is a reflection of their character and has nothing to do with you. She wasn't rude because you ran in like "a fat, messy hurricane", she was rude because she IS rude. She's someone who lacks finesse and is so insecure she wants to brag loudly about her Christmas party, that's not normal behaviour, it's actually quite embarrassing.

No need for the "Hello, how are you?" anymore- treat people the way they treat you.

Tiredan · 11/12/2021 09:03

The coffee group are exclusive and people are able to join by invitation only

What a complete edjit, did she maybe get the coffee group mixed up with the Illuminati?

BurnedToast · 11/12/2021 09:04

I know Grin. I saw them the other day for the first time in years and they walked past me with their heads down. So weird.

NOTANUM · 11/12/2021 09:12

Channel your inner Meg from Motherland and don’t give a flying fig what they think. Smile and wave, and then run.

If someone is rude, I would do the whole “shrug and laugh” thing. I remember a queen bee sitting beside me and a friend at a class Christmas party, and then swap seats when someone better arrived. My friend just looked right at me and said “That told us then”. We died laughing..

@BurnedToast your story though Shock Are there also good people around you instead of this toxic lot?

Doubl3rainbows · 11/12/2021 09:14

This is such strange behaviour. I do not understand the mentality of parents who behave this way. What hope do their children have of learning to be kind and inclusive? It really gets under my skin.
OP, not fitting in with the ‘polished crowd’ is a blessing in disguise. Be proud to be different to people like that. They are the absolute worst.