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Original poster

SO annoyed with myself for this reaction to playground mums

125 replies

Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 16:53

I'm posting for solidarity, or for everyone to tell me to pull myself together.

I'm a nice person. I'm kind, I'm fun, I'm good at my job, love my family, volunteer in my spare time etc etc BUT one scathing comment from the bloody playground mean mums and I feel literally 2 inches tall.

As a bit of background, there is a little group of these mums in DDs year. DD is close friends with some of their DC (Yr 2) so I always make an effort. I honestly get on with people in most circumstances, I just dont know what is the matter with these women. At pick up, everyone stands in a horizontal line in the playground as the kids wait at a distance from us until they spot a parent and ask to be released. So today, I head into the playground and end up standing next to one of these mums. I've spoken to her a dozen times before, our kids are friends etc, I've had her DD over to play etc so I said 'hello, how are you'. She gave me a tight smile, a (disapproving) look up and down, turned to the mum on the other side and started a story about how she had invited absolutely everyone she knew to her big xmas get together, it was going to be just amazing, 'everyone fun' from the year is going etc etc. It was so overt. Worse, a parent I dont know on my other side obviously clocked the whole thing and gave a sympathetic smile, so everyone knows I'm a pariah.

Obviously, if this happened to someone else, I'd be able to reassure them without a doubt that rude mum was a dick. But when it happens to me, I'm pushed right back into my secondary school self, convinved that every cool, thin, glossy girl (now school mums) just hated my weird chubby unpolished self. Not helped by the fact that this group is very beautiful and immaculately groomed and I'd just huffed in like a fat, messy huricane. Anyone willing to sympathise or tell me to grow up?

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 10/12/2021 17:29

Well, she showed herself up to the other parent standing next to you. I'm sure by Y4 all the parents will have all got the measure of her if her nastiness is that overt. If there's a bunch of them like that, they deserve each other and you're much better off out of it.

Thatsplentyjack · 10/12/2021 17:33

Honestly you don't want to be friends with these people. Everyone feels the same about people like that. I know people who have been friends with women like this, and they are all bitching about each other, secretly competing with each other, judging each other and everyone around them. Do you really want to be associatedwith people like that. Just ignore, don't try to be friends with them, just walk by as if they don't exist.

Original poster
Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 17:35

@NeverRTFT

This happened to me! Repeatedly blanked, really blatant, their kids were friends with my DS. It started in reception. It's lessened over the years but I'm still sore about it. Yr 6 now! Turned out there were a group of mean ones in the class, and many other mums felt isolated and were being treated the same by them. When we found each other we became firm friends. Took a good few years for us to each realise it was just a few mean mums making the rest feel excluded and small.
So glad it worked out for you, I need to make more of an effort with the nice parents
OP posts:

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user290814356289 · 10/12/2021 17:38

I guarantee you the majority are thinking she's a dick.

Marshwawows · 10/12/2021 17:38

There were so many queen bees at DCs' primary school I'm surprised we weren't wading through honey.

Ignore, pretend to be on your phone next time.
Maybe fake a call to wind her up a bit if you stand next to her again ... pretend to be talking to someone about buying a second home somewhere exotic and watch the shallow woman's confusion and reevaluation of you. Once they are at secondary school you'll look back on it in wonder that it annoyed you.

Original poster
Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 17:38

@Thatsplentyjack

Honestly you don't want to be friends with these people. Everyone feels the same about people like that. I know people who have been friends with women like this, and they are all bitching about each other, secretly competing with each other, judging each other and everyone around them. Do you really want to be associatedwith people like that. Just ignore, don't try to be friends with them, just walk by as if they don't exist.
I think this is the hardest bit - if I'm with a group of them (at a birthday party etc) talk soon turns to who has gained weight, who's children are nightmares etc. I've had a difficult time in lockdown, gained a load of weight and aged about a decade, so its really hard to shut down that little voice in my head which says that they're probably gossiping about me behind my back.
OP posts:
Original poster
Ryderweneedyou · 10/12/2021 17:40

One of them loooooooves backhanded compliments to my DD. 'Oh gosh, Ryder, isnt your daughter just so beautiful (she is) and popular. Wherever does she get it from?' pointed look, sly smile

OP posts:
Comedycook · 10/12/2021 17:41

I hear you. I'm a normalish/nicish person I think but a group of mums in my dds class seem to hate me Confused. No idea why!

TillyTopper · 10/12/2021 17:45

I know what you mean OP! My kids are 19 now... but after my first experience when they were at nursey I stop bothering, I never spoke to another mother from school. I walked in, ignored everyone, looked forward to getting my kids, and left. Because well - there are a lot of school gate dicks in my view.

ThePlantsitter · 10/12/2021 17:46

Wow, they seem really blatant. A friend of mine had similar. It's difficult because the only way to deal with it is by not caring but that is easier said than done unfortunately. A Paddington hard stare is always good.

Comedycook · 10/12/2021 17:59

I never spoke to another mother from school

How did you manage this?! Did your child never have a birthday party or a playdate?

NeverRTFT · 10/12/2021 18:11

@Ryderweneedyou

One of them loooooooves backhanded compliments to my DD. 'Oh gosh, Ryder, isnt your daughter just so beautiful (she is) and popular. Wherever does she get it from?' pointed look, sly smile
AAAAAAAAAAAaaahhhhhhh! Dicks
reallyworriedjobhunter · 10/12/2021 18:13

Who stands around at a party and talks about other people's weight and kids? They sound flippin awful.

I'd be very tempted to say something like 'Oh hi, nice to see you looking well. NAME OF HEAD MEANIE said she thought you were looking a bit tired at the moment but I think she was def exaggerating. Anyway, good to see you've been enjoying some Christmas treats! It's hard at this time of year isn't it?' smiley sad face and walk away...

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 10/12/2021 18:21

God I hate that shite. We moved to our small town when ds was in year 1. The queen bees flocked to me first because they wanted to know everything about us, who’s house we’d bought, what dh did, blah blah blah. They soon found out we weren’t rich, dh hated rugby, ds wasn’t a sporty kid, we weren’t connected to anyone, we weren’t farmers, I wasn’t useful to them. 4 years of being frozen out.

ForeverSinging · 10/12/2021 18:25

There's something very unhappy inside people who behave like this. Just remember that.

BackBackBack · 10/12/2021 18:29

I bet the sympathetic smiling mum was thinking that queen bee is a rude dickhead.

Ignore her next time. Life's too short to waste it trying to be friendly to people who are right up their own jacksy

HarrisMcCoo · 10/12/2021 18:29

@Iloveacurry

Ignore. Give it a few years, and your kids will be in secondary school and you’ll never have to see these women again.
This.
inmyslippers · 10/12/2021 18:30

There's something very unhappy inside people who behave like this. Just remember that.

^^ agreed happy people don't behave that way

HarrisMcCoo · 10/12/2021 18:33

Just ignore rude comments or folk at pick up. I had some dad say "alright then 🙄" when my tired 4yo roared at him. He is only small and very tired from his day at nursery. I would just laugh if someone's child did same to me. They are only tiny.

We all have incidents that happen at those gates. Best to ignore them. Move on.

Rainbowqueeen · 10/12/2021 18:38

Just remind yourself it could be worse, you could be the kind of person who behaves like this. Polite but distant in the future and focus on the nice mums

tempester28 · 10/12/2021 18:45

You don't want to be friends with her, she sounds awful.

sonjadog · 10/12/2021 18:52

Firstly, accept the fact they are bitching about you. They do it about everyone else, so why wouldn't they do it about you? Then accept that you can do nothing about that so why give these people who mean nothing to you and are unpleasant any headspace. Let them get on with their thing and you get on with yours.

I was briefly on the inside of a group like this. I was invited in as a new-comer, went to a few social events and then got very busy doing other stuff. All they talked about was things they had bought and made unpleasant comments about other people. I found them really dull company. You aren't missing out on anything by not being part of the group.

One thing you can do if they are giving you a look over in the playground, is smile to yourself like something funny has just happened. If asked, you were just thinking about something... One thing these people hate is someone who doesn't take them seriously.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 10/12/2021 19:06

i never forget a very rude mum

other mum's just talked amongst themselves, but i tried to talk and she was totally and unnecessarily rude to me. I wish i had told her she was rude!
this was 18 years ago!

RavingAnnie · 10/12/2021 19:21

I struggle to understand why adults start to behave like schoolchildren when their children start school. Bloody ridiculous behaviour.

MissMarplesGoddaughter · 10/12/2021 19:21

These women sound vile. Shallow and vapid and still stuck in the school playground.

The sort of women who discuss and tear to shreds whoever in their group is not there. I would just ignore them, paste a bland smile on your face and look straight through them.