Adult ADHD “I can’t do that now - I’ve got that thing at 3!”

[SparrowBird]

I’ve just watched a skit by Connor DeWolfe on Instagram, he’s a young man who has ADHD and posts really relatable content! It went:

• Why haven’t you done anything today?
• I’ve got a thing at 3pm. I can’t do anything until I’m finished with that thing.
• Why can’t you do anything until you’re done with the thing?
• Because I have the thing!!

It really made me smile because I’m exactly the same. I had a meeting first thing which finished at 11am. I have another meeting at 2:30 and I simply can’t do anything until that meeting! I can’t focus on another task or think about anything else, until the 2:30 meeting is done!

Anyone else?!

I think I have this.
Yet the minute I posted it on Facebook you get busybodies saying it's in your head.
It made me really angry because I know, what I have struggled with and struggling with.

@Bohe

Does anyone else do this?!

Sometimes when I have a Very Important Task to complete instead of just getting on with the VIT I will do a hundred other Unimportant Tasks instead.

Today I was supposed to clean my living room before 5pm. Instead of just doing it, I have repotted my largest houseplants, made a full roast dinner, and done several loads of laundry.

Othertimes I get stuck in a loop and nothing gets done. Like I need to clean living room and I WANT to do it but I just can't. So I do nothing at all and then make myself sick with shame and guilt. Doesn't make sense because I know I'm capable but I just can't do The Task sometimes.

All the time! When I was studying for a degree and learning French, whichever one was the priority didn’t get done but I’d happily crack on with the other! 😂

God, this thread reasonates with me so much (severe combined ADHD). A friend and I have been talking about this recently. If we have ‘a thing’ in the afternoon, absolutely nothing gets done before it - unless we’re in meetings at work or physically out of the house for a time-bound appointment.

@Kippersfortea

Monday Super useless barely able to human

Tuesday
Super human and lots of usefulness

Wednesday
Morning spent in state of suspended animation, afternoon regained superpowers. Stayed up all night being useful.

Thursday
Uselessness has returned. No way to connect to superpowers.

Friday
Superhuman manages to save a bad week by doing everything at super speed and then being marvellously sociable as well.

Saturday
Uselessness returns with zeal.

Sunday
Superhuman until lunch time. Then got sucked into a box set on Netflix. TV= kryptonite.

Crying laughing! This!!!

I’m either a wonder of humankind or good for absolutely nothing. When it’s all gone to shit, I can do 2 weeks of work in less than one working day to claw it all back but there’s nothing I can do to stop it going to shit in the first place. Thank god for hyperfocus though!

@LizzieSiddal

Do any of you have any recommendations of coping strategies which sometimes work?

External accountability helps me.

For example, me saying I will get a piece of work to someone for a particular time sometimes helps (sometimes I simply miss my own deadline and make up an excuse 🙄), but if that person asks me for the piece of work then I will get it done.

On a more informal basis, sometimes I have asked my friends or colleagues to set me a deadline! Crazy but it usually works. Or sometimes going onto Zoom with someone else - mike off but camera on - having someone watching me work (and me watching them) can help.

Thanks Sparrow.

This thread has been an eye opener! Thanks for sharing all.

Can I ask how you get on with work? I'm just imagining how I'd do my job with these frustrations.

I manage at work because of the external pressure. Other people are holding me accountable for things.

Anything without external pressure is incredibly difficult to get started!

I'm the same at home.
The house is a mess. It constantly pisses me off but I have an inability to tackle anything.

Yet if someone rings and says they will be round to visit soon then I suddenly have superhuman powers and tidy like a maniac.

It is the external pressure.

I can do this but I don't think I have adhd. I do have anxiety though.
Work was better in an office - although not perfect - but wfh is a nightmare. I had a stressful thing this morning so although its done the rest of the day will be a big challenge yo be functional now.

This is me, I have adhd and autism though so it's hard to know where one ends and the other begins!
But yes to basically being frozen if I have something to do later that day!
I have a University thing due in tomorrow and I've left it far too late and I'm tempted just to drop out at this point, I just can't do deadlines or organise my time in any sensible or logical way!

With ADHD, do you think it's because the public perception for years was 'naughty boys' who needed to learn to sit down or could play outside enough to tame it? So when people talk about traits, it's either tainted with that or doesn't sound as bad as that and isn't believed.

Also I think neurotypical people struggled with the idea that autistic and ADHD traits aren't totally alien and different and that yes you might have some of the Same traits yourself but not as unmanageable or as constant or as impactful.

With work I have off days where I do very little, but then on my hyper focused days I can get 3 times the work done of anyone else. As a pp said above. That’s how I’ve always managed work wise. I’ve luckily been in jobs where you can get away with it, for want of a better way to say it. In fact my work reputation is excellent. Because I actually work better under pressure than the “average” person. I’m also quite a perfectionist so my work is generally of a high standard. In a different type of job, I would struggle.

People at work would be shocked to see how chaotic my own life is. I have a particular issue with post. I seem unable to open anything when it arrives so it piles up until I have weeks worth to deal with at once. And every time I sort it I think I won’t let it get like that again. It always does. I’ve been meaning to cancel my TV package for 6 months because I’m not using it and it’s costing me money and I still haven’t done it. It is so hard to explain why I don’t just “do” things.

@DressingPafe

With work I have off days where I do very little, but then on my hyper focused days I can get 3 times the work done of anyone else. As a pp said above. That’s how I’ve always managed work wise. I’ve luckily been in jobs where you can get away with it, for want of a better way to say it. In fact my work reputation is excellent. Because I actually work better under pressure than the “average” person. I’m also quite a perfectionist so my work is generally of a high standard. In a different type of job, I would struggle.

People at work would be shocked to see how chaotic my own life is. I have a particular issue with post. I seem unable to open anything when it arrives so it piles up until I have weeks worth to deal with at once. And every time I sort it I think I won’t let it get like that again. It always does. I’ve been meaning to cancel my TV package for 6 months because I’m not using it and it’s costing me money and I still haven’t done it. It is so hard to explain why I don’t just “do” things.

Hi how have you managed to post from my brain without me knowing? 😂

This is an accurate summary of my life.

I’ve got a terrible case of ‘waiting mode’ today. Something happening at 5pm!
I’m at home with a sick child so could be doing loads of things. So far…almost nothing. Just waiting.
Medication usually helps with this for me, but it’s almost as if I haven’t taken it today. Afternoon dose almost due so perhaps it’ll help!

This is on today, maybe worth a look?

www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-workplace-of-the-future-tickets-205789510967

For me it’s the fact that if I get going with something it takes a lot of time to get into it and then similarly a lot of time to switch tasks. I always run the risk of losing track of time and missing my appointment later.

I had a large item delivered today. It was coming between “2 and 4”. Which I always find difficult. Worse still the delivery guy rang me at 1 and said “I’ll be there in an hour” then turned up at nearly 3. Needless to say, nothing else has been done today. By the time I unpacked and sorted out said item it was 4:30 so to me the day is over now!

ASD and also find this. Neurodiversity is hard work.

BogRollBOGOF
I really don't like that attitude about being late for friends. I'm terrible for being late for things, but I would NEVER be late for something that impacted on someone else. Just think that's selfish and makes me think you don't value your friends or their time or think they're important.

My friends tend to be pretty similar too, and most are neurodiverse. It's pretty even odds on who'll be struggling (especially when neurodiverse children are factored in to complicate everything).
We cope by setting a time range like 12-12:30 (aim for the early end and then there's a buffer for error) and meeting in places where a wait is practical and keep each other updated on progress. It's not that we don't value each other, we just don't put The Fear into each other. Arrangements can often be last minute too which makes it hard to unpick the process of leaving the house to work out timings.

When I got married all my bridesmaids were neurodiverse in some way. It's a wonder we didn't all crash into a heap halfway down the aisle
Actually, I did trip on the church steps but didn't take anyone out with me.