Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Adult ADHD “I can’t do that now - I’ve got that thing at 3!”

144 replies

SparrowBird · 06/12/2021 12:41

I’ve just watched a skit by Connor DeWolfe on Instagram, he’s a young man who has ADHD and posts really relatable content! It went:

  • Why haven’t you done anything today?
  • I’ve got a thing at 3pm. I can’t do anything until I’m finished with that thing.
  • Why can’t you do anything until you’re done with the thing?
  • Because I have the thing!!

It really made me smile because I’m exactly the same. I had a meeting first thing which finished at 11am. I have another meeting at 2:30 and I simply can’t do anything until that meeting! I can’t focus on another task or think about anything else, until the 2:30 meeting is done!

Anyone else?! Grin

OP posts:
TrainspottingWelsh · 06/12/2021 20:16

I have adhd and don't do this. But I suspect that's down to my lifestyle because it makes perfect sense to me and I can easily imagine doing so if I had different circumstances.

Also loving the pps keen to minimise adhd. I'm off to find a thread about physical disabilities so I can barge in and ignorantly tell people with mobility problems that we all have days we don't feel like walking for miles.

madisonbridges · 06/12/2021 20:18

@Bohe I'm not saying some people with ADHD don't have a problem with this, in the same way that some people without ADHD have a problem with it. But if people without ADHD suffer from this consistently, them people who have ADHD and suffer with this, maybe have it because of a personality trait rather than ADHD. I would think that's a good thing, no? Or actually maybe it doesn't really matter why you suffer from it, more that it's a pain if you do?

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2021 20:20

Gosh this is all so interesting, I keep reading things about AHAD on MN and the more I read the more I think it’s me!

Does anyone know a website where you can do a self check type thing? Thank you.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 20:20

Monday
Super useless barely able to human

Tuesday
Super human and lots of usefulness

Wednesday
Morning spent in state of suspended animation, afternoon regained superpowers. Stayed up all night being useful.

Thursday
Uselessness has returned. No way to connect to superpowers.

Friday
Superhuman manages to save a bad week by doing everything at super speed and then being marvellously sociable as well.

Saturday
Uselessness returns with zeal.

Sunday
Superhuman until lunch time. Then got sucked into a box set on Netflix. TV= kryptonite.

ItsAlwaysThere · 06/12/2021 20:21

I meet many adhd criteria of which this is one, but don't think I do have it! I can relate though.

Original poster
SparrowBird · 06/12/2021 20:26

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

So how would you deal with say going to work 8-4 if you were meeting friend for dinner at 6.30? Would you be unproductive at work all day/anxious etc?
Yes, this happened to me a couple of weeks ago. Had to leave the house at 4:30 to meet friends for 5:30. From about 11 I just couldn’t focus on anything work related.
OP posts:
EssexLioness · 06/12/2021 20:52

These sorts of issues with executive function are typical of autism too and I identify with this scenario completely. I try to book appointments etc for early morning if possible otherwise the whole day is wasted

FabriqueBelgique · 06/12/2021 20:57

The worst is when you’re expecting a tradesman to turn up “between 1-4” - I don’t know how to live! (And then I don’t know where to be while they’re here!)

FabriqueBelgique · 06/12/2021 20:59

@TrainspottingWelsh

I have adhd and don't do this. But I suspect that's down to my lifestyle because it makes perfect sense to me and I can easily imagine doing so if I had different circumstances.

Also loving the pps keen to minimise adhd. I'm off to find a thread about physical disabilities so I can barge in and ignorantly tell people with mobility problems that we all have days we don't feel like walking for miles.

OMG Grin Grin
LadyVymes · 06/12/2021 21:02

add.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/adhd-questionnaire-ASRS111.pdf

This really helped identify my symptoms and it is the one doctors use.

PumpkinCrumble · 06/12/2021 21:11

So if I was going somewhere new I would check google maps, but by the time I’ve got in the car and set my phone up and loaded the map, I’m probably already late. Or really early. It’s incredibly upsetting but I don’t seem to be able to process time in normal way.

I don’t actually have a ADHD diagnosis (my GP wasn’t very open to the idea and I shut down/got tongue tied trying to explain) BUT I do have a Dyscalculia diagnosis! So I’ve always just put my time problems down to that and my inability to hold number in my head.

I’m nodding along with a lot of the posts. I also am a perfectionist, who procrastinates and needs the fear of God to do the Very Important Thing…

I am learning though! Recently booked my cat in for the 8:30am slot, when offered a morning appointment! No waiting mode that day!

Ajl46 · 06/12/2021 21:13

What would happen if someone put a meeting in your diary for 12noon - 1pm?

PumpkinCrumble · 06/12/2021 21:17

@FabriqueBelgique

The worst is when you’re expecting a tradesman to turn up “between 1-4” - I don’t know how to live! (And then I don’t know where to be while they’re here!)
That really is the worst! And yes what do you do when they are in the house? I mean I offer them a brew…and then what? Grin
Original poster
SparrowBird · 06/12/2021 21:21

@Ajl46

What would happen if someone put a meeting in your diary for 12noon - 1pm?
Back to back meetings would be grand. Essentially, it comes down to whether there’s internal or external pressure to do a task. If there is external pressure (someone books in a meeting with me, my manager says he needs the figures by 1pm etc), then I have no problem at all with doing the task.

If the driving force is supposed to be internal however, it’s like I become paralysed. I can put off a task that will take

OP posts:
LadyVymes · 06/12/2021 21:23

That was a reply to @Lizzie

Nitgel · 06/12/2021 21:29

I'm the same. The worse us if I have the car in for Mot. Everything stops until I can collect it Grin

Original poster
SparrowBird · 06/12/2021 21:31

@Nitgel

I'm the same. The worse us if I have the car in for Mot. Everything stops until I can collect it Grin
I feel so seen Grin #ditto

Also, if I’m waiting for a parcel delivery!

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2021 21:38

LadyVymes

Thank you very much for the link. I’ve just done it and scored 16 out of the 18 “Very Often”. I’m in my 50s and have had anxiety all my life but have always put it down to childhood issues but recently started reading about adult AHAD and also ADD, and I can’t believe how much I identify with much of it. I need to do more research/reading I think.

CarolynMartens · 06/12/2021 21:38

*If the driving force is supposed to be internal however, it’s like I become paralysed. I can put off a task that will take

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2021 21:58

*If the driving force is supposed to be internal however, it’s like I become paralysed. I can put off a task that will take

LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2021 22:00

And I also have an inner panic that I don’t know how to do something despite the fact I’ve done numerous times before. It feels like my brain is empty.

nomoredrama27 · 06/12/2021 22:15

Kippersfortea I am laughing so hard; I honestly thought this was just me and my freaky waysConfusedGrin

dumdedumpop · 06/12/2021 22:19

This is why I spend so much time just staring at my work diary trying to work out how the hell im going to get done everything that needs doing. It's why my part time job takes me full time hours, and why I get really stressed at having a full weekend of activities.
And the minimising on here is why I spend so much of my time feeling like an utterly useless person who finds it hard to understand why I can't just try harder. I mean, if I think that of course everyone else is, aren't they?
Those who say these are normal traits have no idea how it feels to be utterly paralysed by procrastination, knowing that you're going to end up in trouble but you still can't do that thing that needs doing. It's fucking horrible.

Turkishangora · 06/12/2021 22:27

@dumdedumpop

This is why I spend so much time just staring at my work diary trying to work out how the hell im going to get done everything that needs doing. It's why my part time job takes me full time hours, and why I get really stressed at having a full weekend of activities. And the minimising on here is why I spend so much of my time feeling like an utterly useless person who finds it hard to understand why I can't just try harder. I mean, if I think that of course everyone else is, aren't they? Those who say these are normal traits have no idea how it feels to be utterly paralysed by procrastination, knowing that you're going to end up in trouble but you still can't do that thing that needs doing. It's fucking horrible.
It IS horrible. And it is a kind of paralysis. My sister and I call it "the inertia" (think she's ADHD too but slightly different profile) we literally get stuck in an agony of self doubt and indecision that can quickly degenerate to self hatred as we don't feel as effective as "normal" people. I've had a bad day of it today. Wednesday my whole day is mapped out for me, back to back training and meetings. That's a good day and I'll feel good in the evening. However today and tomorrow I'm having to organise myself and "achieve" and today has been wasted. ☹️
LizzieSiddal · 06/12/2021 22:31

Do any of you have any recommendations of coping strategies which sometimes work?