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Original poster

Adult ADHD “I can’t do that now - I’ve got that thing at 3!”

144 replies

SparrowBird · 06/12/2021 12:41

I’ve just watched a skit by Connor DeWolfe on Instagram, he’s a young man who has ADHD and posts really relatable content! It went:

  • Why haven’t you done anything today?
  • I’ve got a thing at 3pm. I can’t do anything until I’m finished with that thing.
  • Why can’t you do anything until you’re done with the thing?
  • Because I have the thing!!

It really made me smile because I’m exactly the same. I had a meeting first thing which finished at 11am. I have another meeting at 2:30 and I simply can’t do anything until that meeting! I can’t focus on another task or think about anything else, until the 2:30 meeting is done!

Anyone else?! Grin

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 06/12/2021 14:04

@hesbeen2021

Anxiety and just plain old procrastination can cause this too I have this but I certainly dont have ADHD
This is definitely me.
DontTellThemYourNamePike · 06/12/2021 14:07

DP is like this. No diagnosis of ADHD but diagnosed in other, younger members of his family and the similarities are too obvious to ignore.

Our whole day comes to a standstill because he has an appointment/event in the afternoon. He can't focus on anything else. It's frustrating but I recognise how difficult it is for him to see past it. Then we're invariably running late for said appointment despite all mental energy being solely directed towards it all day!

MangoBiscuit · 06/12/2021 14:15

" if something new needs doing, I have to rewrite the list if I can't fit it on the page in the right place, because if the list looks untidy, I can't follow it."

Yes! I made a beautiful chart, to work out week by week when the optimal day was to do each main housework task, and it had flex for busy days, other commitments etc. Beautiful colours etc. Yes, bit of a waste of time really, but it made me happy, and gave me a little hit of dopamine right before doing housework. Until someone spilt their drink on it, and now it's messy and confusing so I gave up. Blush

I have to have my shopping lists ordered by area too, so I write them with gaps in case I need to add to it. Supermarkets are loud and overwhelming anyway, I don't want to be looping back down the same aisles over again because I didn't read the whole list every aisle.

Mandofan · 06/12/2021 14:16

I can definitely relate. It’s so frustrating but I’ve just booked my adhd assessment and can’t wait to be put on a treatment plan

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 06/12/2021 14:21

I can settle till I’ve done the ‘thing’ either. So I make any plans on a weekend as early as possible because after the ‘thing’ I’m free but not before. I used to hate working a late shift because I had to wait in the morning then work in the evening. That’s the whole day gone.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 06/12/2021 14:21

*can’t settle

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2021 14:26

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

I can settle till I’ve done the ‘thing’ either. So I make any plans on a weekend as early as possible because after the ‘thing’ I’m free but not before. I used to hate working a late shift because I had to wait in the morning then work in the evening. That’s the whole day gone.
That's me on late shifts. I worked nightshifts for a while starting at 9pm, I never did get to grips with what I could allow myself to do during the day and from getting up til setting off for work I'd be clock watching. No ADHD but anxiety definitely. I'm ok with doing stuff in the house though before work. Mad really.
Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 14:29

Genuine
Not being inflammatory

But isn’t what you’ve described just someone either not very committed to their job and / or a procrastinator and / or poor time management?

HippyMoon · 06/12/2021 14:32

This is also an autism thing. I had a meeting that was meant to be at 2pm that got cancelled and now I'm stuck.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 14:34

I can't do anything until 3pm because of the thing. But I'm not going to start getting ready for the thing until 2.59pm ofc

Phlaps · 06/12/2021 15:02

@Happy1982ish

Genuine Not being inflammatory

But isn’t what you’ve described just someone either not very committed to their job and / or a procrastinator and / or poor time management?

I believe that this is a genuine query, ADHD traits are common in many people, which tends to then minimise them in the minds of those do not suffer, and I really mean "suffer".

An often horribly debilitating neurological condition and ruins lives, so many go undiagnosed and nearly everyone that I know that has it has at some point been described as lazy, stupid and a liar for the behaviours which they have no choice in exhibiting. It's painfully under recognised and so often dismissed.

There is a lot of information out there, this video is a good start: qa.understood.org/articles/en/adhd-explained-a-28-minute-primer

Happy1982ish · 06/12/2021 15:24

Thank you

CrimbleCrumble1 · 06/12/2021 15:29

My friend is like this, is she has one thing, even a tiny thing that day she won’t make any other arrangements. So for example she has a phone call appointment at 10 she won’t make an arrangement to meet for coffee that afternoon. It’s like mentally she crossed off the day on the calender.

picklemewalnuts · 06/12/2021 15:37

Oh gosh, this is me. I'm starting to wonder about the ADHD thing. Being blocked by a 'big thing' that's on the horizon, so nothing else can be started.

And yes to the accusations of laziness and under performing. I've never quite understood how I can try so hard and still perform worse than someone expected. Or why no matter how hard I try, I can't get things quite right.

I hate, hate hate anything that requires a 'right first time' approach like passport forms or addressing card envelopes. Absolute panic stations. In fact I'm here right now because I'm avoiding completing a Mail-merge doc because I'm afraid I might have made a mistake.

Squirrelblanket · 06/12/2021 15:57

I do this. I don't have ADHD.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 16:02

I have ADHD I'm also a perfectionist. I recheck things like passport forms about 100x
I was so terrified of plagiarism at university that I often sent work late or not at all (and when I did it came back 0% on the plagiarism checker which I'm told is basically unheard of)
I ended up failing at university despite being very academically able (1sts in exams, scraping 3rds in coursework)
I have terrible anxiety so only manage about 10% of other adults capacity work wise. I only work very part time but it takes me full time hours. I procrastinate not because I'm lazy or unbothered but because I am paralysed with anxiety. I know if I don't think about nothing but the vital appointment I might forget the vital appointment. I have forgotten to do the school run more than once, for example. Also forgotten major social events and medical appointments, things which are written not only on a calendar, but phone alarms, post it notes everywhere. So now I know that if I have an important thing to do I can't do anything else.
Being a procrastinator due to ADHD and a perfectionist due to anxiety means that I just don't get much done. Everything I do get done is either perfect, or totally unfinished because I get diverted to something more pressing and forget all about it. I will burn food on the hob, but re read and write an email multiple times. It's chaotic and exhausting.

gogohm · 06/12/2021 16:04

I had an employee like this, now an ex employee. Sorry but we couldn't not have any work done all morning because he had the electrician coming at 2pm or clients needing let in at 4pm. I tried - gave weekly, then daily, then hour by hour schedules but at some point you just want to scream, I couldn't trail him around telling him what to do every 10 minutes and remind him multiple times a day that personal calls whilst allowed if important, we weren't tyrants, should be kept to a minimum during work hours. He was the caretaker but needed a full time caretaker himself. I had no idea it could be adhd, we wondered if he had a learning difficulty

Animood · 06/12/2021 16:23

@PumpkinCrumble

Yeah can defo relate. If the thing is a real life appointment I will probably be late for it as well, because unfortunately my brain thinks every journey takes 10 mins. Doesn’t matter if I’m walking or in the car, everything is 10mins away, except when I’m half an hour early so go to get a coffee, that then makes me late….Confused
Why don't you check google maps? It will tell you exactly how long the journey is. I don't understand
Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 16:27

Google maps doesn't take into consideration the number of diversions somebody with an attention deficit will make or the number of distractions they will encounter. Or the total lack of time awareness. Never has the word 'neuro divergent' been more fitting

Animood · 06/12/2021 16:29

So... check google maps then double the time to allow for distractions? I mean... not every journey is ten mins is it?

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 16:29

My ADHD child can take 30 mins to do a 10 minute journey or 6 minutes depending on the day. He's too young to tell them time, and doesn't understand why he needs to hurry up. On other days he runs so fast nobody can catch up. I was the same as a child. A square peg trying to fit into the circular hole that is time.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 16:30

But yes of the ADHDers I know who manage life more effectively they are always very early got everything just in case

Sparklingbrook · 06/12/2021 16:30

@gogohm

I had an employee like this, now an ex employee. Sorry but we couldn't not have any work done all morning because he had the electrician coming at 2pm or clients needing let in at 4pm. I tried - gave weekly, then daily, then hour by hour schedules but at some point you just want to scream, I couldn't trail him around telling him what to do every 10 minutes and remind him multiple times a day that personal calls whilst allowed if important, we weren't tyrants, should be kept to a minimum during work hours. He was the caretaker but needed a full time caretaker himself. I had no idea it could be adhd, we wondered if he had a learning difficulty
That does sound frustrating but maybe a bit different to what's being described? Mine doesn't affect me when I'm actually at work, just the before bit.
Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 16:32

But it's not just the journey you misjudge the time of. You have to get up earlier, everything takes longer, more rushing, yet more waiting around. So your just generally less time effective. Not everyone with ADHD is late ofc. It just makes being on time more difficult.

Phlaps · 06/12/2021 17:07

@Animood

So... check google maps then double the time to allow for distractions? I mean... not every journey is ten mins is it?
This is the sort of minimising I was trying to describe upthread. People often mean well but simply can't comprehend what's going on...

"Why don't you just keep a diary?" "Have you tried not looking at your phone/ out of the window/ to concentrate?"
"Just leave a bit earlier"

One of the major ADHD traits can be clumsily described as being 'dyslexic with time' - dyslexia and dyscalcula to a lesser degree are better understood and tolerated in society, I hope adhd will be next.

It's an OVERLOAD of attention rather than a deficit most of the time, you get pulled all over the place by chatter, movement, noise, and it can be all but impossible to filter out. All of which can knock you off the pattern of thought that you might be desperate to follow.

Once you have a bit of awareness of these traits you might start spotting them in others and be able to understand their behaviour.