Hit me up with your dad jokes

[BabyRace]

DFIL starts chemo next week. It's shit. We're trying to keep spirits up (but really just burst into tears at any moment).

I wanna send him a dad joke daily. He's the king of dad jokes and I know it'll bring a smile, even if it's temporary.

It's gonna be a long road, so as many as you can please!

@BabyRace - This is not a Dad joke but it may amuse him - it isn't - but it made me laugh

Which dogs can jump higher than a building - all dogs - buildings can't jump

But I wish all the best for your Dad

I know that did not answer your question but it made me laugh & I wish your father all the very very best - sent with best wishes & It was an attempt to raise a smile x

@BabyRace - Sorry meant DFIL not Dad

What is the best place for water skiing - A lake with a slope.

What do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom!

What’s brown and sticky? A stick!

I was walked into a shop the other day and this guy started threw milk at me, then custard, some cream and a block of cheese.
I said how dare-he!

What key opens a banana?

A monkey

What’s invisible and smells of bananas?
Monkey farts!!

What do you call a camel with no humps?

Humphrey!

I asked a French man if he had a games console

He said “Wii” (oui!)

Why did the golfer take a spare pair of socks with him to play Golf? Incase he got a hole in one

I went to a zoo
It only had one dog in it
It was a Shitzu

What is orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

What do you call a woke wolf?

Aware wolf

What has four legs and says Boo?
A cow with a cold.

Why is the beach a great place for a picnic?

Because of all the sand which is there (sandwiches)

My wife's gone on holiday to the West Indies

Jamaica?

No, she went of her own accord!

Why did the man fall down the big hole in the ground? He didn’t see that well…

I ate a kids meal in McDonald's last week.
The mum went mental.

Any mention of an occasional table / chair / whatever and DF always asks 'what is it the rest of the time?!'

I asked the baker, how come all the cakes are 50p except this one which is £1?

He said, that's Madeira cake

Poo jokes aren’t my favourite jokes but they’re a solid number 2

My partner said that if I kept making llama jokes they would kick me out.

I said alpaca my bags.

What has two hands but no arms?
A clock

What do elephants have that no other animal has?
Baby elephants

What runs but does not walk?
A river

What has teeth but doesn’t bite?
A zip

How do you get Lady Gayá's attention?
Poke her face

Have you heard of Sod’s Law?
Yes, indeed. It’s that if something can go wrong it will go wrong.
Have you heard of Cole’s Law?
No. What’s that?
Thinly sliced cabbage

what do you call a dinosaur with only one eye: a doyouthinkesaurus?

did you hear that theives nicked all the toilets from the police station? The police have nothing to go on.