Hit me up with your dad jokes

[BabyRace]

DFIL starts chemo next week. It's shit. We're trying to keep spirits up (but really just burst into tears at any moment).

I wanna send him a dad joke daily. He's the king of dad jokes and I know it'll bring a smile, even if it's temporary.

It's gonna be a long road, so as many as you can please!

A woman had a son called Willy and a house called Hairy Bum . One day she couldn’t find her son.
She called her husband and said ‘I’ve looked all over my hairy bum but can’t find my Willy’

My wife lets me lick anything off her and I love it.
Butter, jam, cheese, you name it she lets me lick it off her...

She's a cracker!

I went to a pet shop. I said ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said ‘I don’t care what star sign it is’.

My mum didn't believe I could make a bike made out of spaghetti....
You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta...

I saw a recipe for Freddie Mercury cake the other day. It looks delicious, I want to bake three.

BabyRace - I'm sorry to hear about your FIL ,such a nice idea to send a joke a day .

"I'm sorry I haven't a clue" ( radio 4 18.30 today) had lots and lots

"Xerox " - what French geologists study .

Thieves stole 40 cans of Red Bull from our corner shop. I don’t know how they sleep at night…

How do you weigh a whale?

At a whale weigh station.

What's yellow and stupid? Thick custard

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look now, I'm changing

😂😂

How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
There are footprints in the butter.

What do you call a pig with three 👀s?

Piiig.

Corporal to soldier "I didn't see you at camouflage class this morning"!
Soldier says "Thank you corporal"!

What do hippies do? They hold your leggies on!

Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Finding half a maggot!

I went to the barbers the other day, I said "I'll have a perm please," He said "I wondered lonely as a cloud..."

All the best x

A Yorkshire gent needed a new string for his violin
He walked into the music shop and asked the bloke behind the counter for an ‘E string’
The bloke behind the counter replied’listen mate,I’m just covering for the owner while he goes for lunch-do you mind finding your own?I don’t know the E’s from the shes!’

What do you call a man with a spade embedded in his head?
Doug.
What do you call the man when the spade had been removed?
Doug-less. (Douglas).

What do you call a man with a paper bag on his head?

Russell.

What do you call a Frenchman that lives in a sandal?

Phillipe Filoppe

I used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.

I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.

You might not believe me, but I saw it with my own eyes.

Thanks everyone, chemo was delayed so only just started but it's raising a smile.

Best wishes to your FiL (and you all)

Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana

I saw this on an email

Thank you everyone for these. In the end chemo was short lived and he didn't respond to it.

He passed away peacefully with my DMIL by his side. I know these jokes brought him real joy, thank you all.

Sorry for your loss. I'm glad we helped make him smile.