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Original poster

Hit me up with your dad jokes

114 replies

BabyRace · 05/12/2021 20:57

DFIL starts chemo next week. It's shit. We're trying to keep spirits up (but really just burst into tears at any moment).

I wanna send him a dad joke daily. He's the king of dad jokes and I know it'll bring a smile, even if it's temporary.

It's gonna be a long road, so as many as you can please!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 05/12/2021 21:51

Sod's laws: the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

chances of bread falling buttered side down is proportional to the cost of the carpet.

lolbrador · 05/12/2021 21:51

I live for dad jokes. My personal favourite....How do you make antifreeze?

Steal her blanket

FeralMeryl · 05/12/2021 21:53

All the best to your DFIL, I am sorry.

How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles

2 monkeys got into a bath.
The first said "ooo ooo ooo aaa aaa aaa"
The second said "well put some cold in, then"

Knock knock
Who's there?
Beats
Beats who?
Beats me

My grandparents were called Pearl and Dean. We didn't call them that of course, we called them grandma and papapapapapapapapapapa

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador

Hohofortherobbers · 05/12/2021 21:54

Why did the Baker have brown hands? He needed poo

EmmaOvary · 05/12/2021 21:59

I went Jack-in-the-box shopping...
But nothing jumped out at me.

Magissa · 05/12/2021 22:04

Not really a dad joke but the only one I can ever remember...

I was parked outside the BBC this morning. As I went to open the car door I dropped my keys and they went into a drain. As I stood there wondering what to do David Attenborough came over. Apparently had seen what happened. He started rubbing himself against my car door and it suddenly opened and the engine started. I asked him how he did it. He said "I'm wearing my khaki trousers".

LactoseTheIntolerant · 05/12/2021 22:10

Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 789

What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt.

FrankiesKnuckle · 05/12/2021 22:19

How do you make a hormone?

Put sand in her knickers...

TawnyPippit · 05/12/2021 22:23

I went to a job interview and they asked me if I could perform under pressure.

I said it was a shame as I’d prepared Bohemian Rhapsody, but I would give it a go.

Smile
Bedpost · 05/12/2021 22:41

Dad can you tell me what a solar eclipse is? No sun

Original poster
BabyRace · 05/12/2021 23:11

These are excellent, keep them coming!

OP posts:
ninecoronas · 05/12/2021 23:21

How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

  1. A left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear.
Theoldgoy · 06/12/2021 01:25

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Theoldgoy · 06/12/2021 01:26

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea.

Theoldgoy · 06/12/2021 01:27

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea.

Theoldgoy · 06/12/2021 01:28

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

PolytheneRam · 06/12/2021 02:02

Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo.

MangoSeason · 06/12/2021 02:33

The Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It got a little tense.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/12/2021 08:58

How many software engineers does it take to chage a lightbulb?

None, it's hardware problem.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/12/2021 09:01

Why did the chicken cross the road?

For some fowl reason.

TitoMojito · 06/12/2021 09:10

Did you know that the Norwegian navy have a giant barcode on the side of their ships?

It's so they can Scandinavian

SinoohXaenaHide · 06/12/2021 09:19

Did you hear about the explosion in the cheese factory?

Debris went everywhere.

Wigeon · 06/12/2021 10:09

I don’t think much about Switzerland, but their flag’s a big plus.

Wigeon · 06/12/2021 10:11

@TitoMojito

Did you know that the Norwegian navy have a giant barcode on the side of their ships?

It's so they can Scandinavian

Do you know the motto of the French navy? It translates as “To the water, it is the hour”

(…A l’eau, c’est l’heure)

(…allo sailor…!)

Hugoslavia · 06/12/2021 10:14

A man walked into a psychiatrist office wearing only a pair of underpants made of cling film. The shrink says, " I can clearly see you're nuts!"