Helping my Demented DF to stay at home; door alarm to keep him indoors at night?

[PollyGray]

Posting in Chat hoping for help.
Has anyone here used a service which installs a door alarm system for elderly/vulnerable adults which sends an alert if the door is opened at certain times of the day i.e. during the evening or night?

In a nutshell, DF is 89, dementia, living not that locally to me but close enough for me to get to him if I need to. I have Deputyship for his finances and I pay for a Care Agency to support him 2 visits a day at lunchtime and at 4pm each time for an hour. He refuses all other help and won't go to any day centres.
Just had another Social Care assessment as he has deteriorated but still has some functional abilities which are reasonably intact i,e. can wash up the dishes and push the hoover around but that's about it.

But he has started to leave the house in the evening and wander round the close where he lives shouting for help, in a confused and distressed state. Nieghbours have been taking him home and contacting me or my DD if they can't get me.
The social worker is aware of this and suggested that I increase the visits to another one in the evening and consider intalling one of these door alarm systems which are typically connected to a Lifeline (which he has already but they don't offer the door alarm thing).
So as not to drip feed she insists I try everything possible to keep him at home for as long as possible and that's what he wants, he's terrified of being put into care and does everything he can to avoid accepting help.

I just wondered if anyone has used this kind of service and can say how well it worked for their situation, the kind of costs involved etc? I've done a google search and found one organisation whose website looks all singing and dancing but I'd rather find out a bit more about how well they work first.

TIA if anyone responds.

An elderly relative of mine had a property exit sensor. I think it cost a couple of hundred a year in subscription fees plus installation costs. It was useful as she had dementia and would often want to go outside and wander in the night.

If I recall, when the alarm was triggered, someone from the care line would talk to her over an intercom and try to encourage her to stay inside. If they couldn’t, they had a list of contacts, so someone could go round and check on her.

I have had some experience of this , but was living in the same house - the front door had a chime on it , so I would hear if they went out. However going out was the least of the trouble oftentimes that’s when they would wander in the kitchen and put the stove on, open freezer and not close, it start running a bath and leave it etc etc . I understand completely the wish to stay in his own home but I think the getting up through the night rarely improves and just keeps getting worse , this is a tipping point - and maybe time to look at some kind of supported accommodation ( where there is someone in duty through the night )and if he still has insight etc moving somewhere with his own comfortable furniture and things around him may mean he can manage semi independently for longer. Otherwise my dear would be he might have to go straight from his own home into a ‘care home’ and I think that is always a much more traumatic experience for the person and the family. Sorry not to be more positive OP. A very challenging problem.

Are you going to have to go and fetch him in when he's wandering though? Even if the for alarm can alert you it's not really solving the problem.

Surely those things are only useful if you live in the same accommodation so you can get to the door immediately the alarm goes off. It’s not going to stop him wandering is it.

I agree with @Christabellaxx

My mother has dementia, she had that type of Linkline device installed, it was free from the council because she had dementia (this was four years ago).

I wouldn't put too much time and energy into this type of device. For my mother it just delayed her move to a care home by about two months (and there was the kerfuffle of installing it and then removing it).

My mother had carers in for 5 hours a day, but that still meant she was alone for 19 hours. She used to leave the house in the rain with no coat, unable to find her way back home from 10 yards away. She tried to get into strangers' cars, she was constantly 'rescued' by the neighbours. She said she wanted to stay at home, but her wants were outweighed by her needs, and she moved to a care home - where she has been very happy.

Once a person gets to the stage of going out to seek help it tends to mean they are confused and anxious when alone, and likely to get into various types of trouble. They need supervision 24/7.

How can you locate him if he is not in the vicinity of the house when you get there? Is he wearing any type of GPS locator?

Families have been left searching for a family member who has wandered off, this time of year that can be fatal.

Currently if he is in a distressed state the neighbours are being asked to deal with his distress which is not fair long term.

I would suggest that if he is wandering it is no longer safe to have him live on his own and long term plans are needed

I agree with the others. Fitting an alarm will not stop him exiting, it will merely alert you.
He is unsafe at home now sadly, what is best for him is 24 hr supervision. I would not advise you to move in to be his full time carer.
The social worker (ime) has an interest in keeping people in the community for longer than is safe (seemed to be budget driven not people centred advice) just my experience.

Start to research local homes, bear in mind he doesn't need nursing care yet but likely to on the future. Dementia care should be mentioned in the blurb.
Best wishes.

@Christabellaxx

I have had some experience of this , but was living in the same house - the front door had a chime on it , so I would hear if they went out. However going out was the least of the trouble oftentimes that’s when they would wander in the kitchen and put the stove on, open freezer and not close, it start running a bath and leave it etc etc . I understand completely the wish to stay in his own home but I think the getting up through the night rarely improves and just keeps getting worse , this is a tipping point - and maybe time to look at some kind of supported accommodation ( where there is someone in duty through the night )and if he still has insight etc moving somewhere with his own comfortable furniture and things around him may mean he can manage semi independently for longer. Otherwise my dear would be he might have to go straight from his own home into a ‘care home’ and I think that is always a much more traumatic experience for the person and the family. Sorry not to be more positive OP. A very challenging problem.

Completely agree with this. I'm responsible for elderly relative, got little support from SS and yes they wanted to keep her at home. The neighbours felt differently as did the local shops that banned her and probably most local motorists who had to try and avoid hitting her when she ran into the road on her wanderings.

We viewed supported living places, she assaulted one manager, but things deteriorated and she went straight into a home.

As for the alarm, she had a system where she could be monitored, if she went upstairs at night, how long she was in her room, if she went out. Somehow in the state she was in she figured out she didn't want it and worked out how to turn it off. Total waste of time for her.

Can't you see how unsafe this is ? Letting your dad wander, what if you are unable to get to him everytime the alarm sounds. It's no surprise that social workers want people in their homes for as long as possible, we've seen in the recent news about how utterly inept they are.

I work in sheltered housing. Door alerts only really work if there is someone close by to respond to it when it's triggered. What is the social worker suggesting will happen when it's triggered?

Also, sounds daft, but have you tried putting a big sign on the inside of the door with a simple instruction on? Literally something like 'DO NOT GO OUT PLEASE DAD' sometimes works for a short time.

Unfortunately, the only safe option is to put him in a care home, or in a facility where there is 24h staffing available.

As has been said, an alarm won't make a difference if he's already wandered off by the time you get there. It's only useful if you live in the same house and can wake up and find him straight away. If he wanders overnight in this weather it could, to be blunt, kill him.

He may not want to go into a home, but it's not really about what he wants, but about what he needs, and at this point in time, he needs to be safe.

I used to know a lady who needed 24h care but she fought it and ended up in a situation that very sadly ended her life. She didn't have dementia (she was an alcoholic0 but in-home care just wasn't enough for her anymore. She was about to be moved into a care home when she ended up literally drinking herself to death. She had carers but it took too long for someone to find her in between visits and she ended up on life support with multiple organ failure.

Obviously it's a slightly different situation to your dad but honestly, his current living situation isn't safe or sustainable long-term. It's dangerous.

To be honest, the wandering point was where we realized my dad needed to be in a home. Unless the alarm service will also find him…it’s not really much use.

Installing a door alarm won't stop him wandering or be safer, it will just go off and he will still go out. They are only good if there is someone else living there to respond. I would speak to his g.p or dementia nurse and tell them he has started wandering and getting lost and distressed. He may be suffering with dementia sundowning if jts always around the same time and being able to wash the dishes is not the same as being safe at home. I think he needs a gp review, a capacity assessment and a career needs assessment. He cannot be locked in the house and sadly he will deteriorate so it might be best if he were to move into a carehome while he still can. The neighbours are not responsible for his welfare and the social worker needs to look at this from a safety point of view. Its such a terrible disease, I hope you get the right support for him.

This is the point my Nana went into a home. She was desperate to stay at home, physically resisted moving and spent every day in the home sitting by the door waiting for us to visit. But the choice was letting her freeze to death when she went wandering, burn to death when she left her cooker on, or die in a care home clean, loved and with people around her.

It’s no choice anyone should have to make but what tipped it for us was the worry that she’d leave the gas on and blow up the whole street or accidentally walk out in front of a car and harm whichever person who hit her. My parents also could no longer get up every night and makes the three mile journey to her house to return her when she wandered off.

I'm assuming he lives alone? If he's wandering the sensor won't stop him, you'll be over there all the time. In all honesty it sounds like he can no longer live alone

You deprive him of his liberty, as it’s unsafe, that’s it, he can’t cope, nor will you, without care home.

This sounds like a tipping point and your relative may need 24hr live in care. Wandering can be so dangerous and even with an alarm nobody over the intercom or phone can really prevent someone from going out. I’ve been through all these stages we started with twice daily visits, then stepped up to live in carer that was good for couple of years now we have moved onto care home with nursing setting. Sadly as needs change the plan must change too and what social workers will assess as adequate is oftentimes woefully under what is actually needed for safety,

A relative of mine had a door alarm, it triggered a message that said "Mrs X it's night time, don't go outside", and then the volunteer fire fighters would be automatically called if she did go out. I think the system would then call the house first and if she didn't answer, the fire brigade were called. In her case the fire brigade were called too many times and she had to into a home. It's worth trying though, and for some people a message reminding them that's its night time does work.

When my MIL started leaving the house and becoming lost it was the sign she needed to move into a care home - and she was living with my BIL. But he had to work and she was doing things like turning the gas on etc.

I am actually quite outraged that a social worker would be trying to frighten you into leaving your DF in an unsafe situation. I work for a dementia specialist aged care provider (not in the UK) and I can tell you that leaving the house is indicative that something is wrong. He is lonely or frightened or in pain. It is not kind to leave him in this state when he could be somewhere with people caring for him. Ideally a small, home-like care home offering person-centred care that would help him be as independent as possible.

@Flossieskeeper are you a social worker ? Is that why your response is so rude ??? The OP has said her dad doesn't want to go into care. I do know what I am talking about my mum was found wandering the streets and we had to put her into care for her own safety. And no I didn't 'dump' her there it was for own safety.

My friend, who sadly recently passed away at 96, once firmly told me that once someone starts to wander, it is time for a home.

Our neighbour put his phone number on a necklace for his wife, maybe an sos bracelet?