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Original poster

DH didn’t come home from night out without a text how mad would you be?!

361 replies

Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 07:18

I’ve name changed for this but been around quite a long time.

Like 100’s of others DH’s went on his Christmas night out last night, he told me he would be leaving around 2300 to catch the bus and as of yet has still not appeared.

A few details so I’m not drip feeding, DH is an all round good guy, very family oriented and last time he went out was 4 years ago. He is however very happy and gregarious when he’s had a few pints and over the years has woke up the next again day regretting life decisions (Yeager bombs, clubs (deffo not a club person) etc)

He is on the force’s, which are traditionally messy as nights out go, he has his ID card with him which is why I’m definitely not panicking as has access to base/accommodation etc and military personnel quite often book a room for after a night as sometimes quarters are quite far from base city centre etc.

We probably are quite independent compared to some as DH is often away on courses/meetings etc so he can go for dinner and watch football and I might not hear from him until the next day and likewise with my plans.

I’m not well, no COVID thankfully but have been in my bed for the last 4 days and DH has been fabulous with work, children, life admin etc. He said he couldn’t miss tonight, had to show face hence telling me it wouldn’t be late.

He’s 100% been swept up in tide of social expectation, drinking games but I actually feel so hurt that he didn’t see fit to send a text and I’ve laid awake most of the night (mostly with rage) because I’ve kept the front door unlocked.

He’ll definitely play the my “phone died” and “I missed my bus” card but I did get a wee bit stalkery at 0230 and checked last time on WatsApp which was 2300 ish so he definitely had a point up until then to make contact!

How angry would you be and how would you play this when you hear from him?

I’m predicting the “Hi, I’m really sorry” WatsApp within the next hour!!!

OP posts:
Polmuggle · 02/12/2021 09:30

[quote Wifewiththerage]@Polmuggle I’m not sure where you have got this though but you have only got one of my DC ages right and that’s the youngest.[/quote]
Sorry OP! It's because you said the last time he'd done it was 16/18 years ago when you had small DC!

Original poster
Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 09:32

@Polmuggle that should have read before small children.

OP posts:
TheresACrackInEverything · 02/12/2021 09:33

I'd worry if it was out of character. But let me tell you - when those teens hit 18 this is going to be your standard weekend. Sorry!

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Relationship problems
Happy1982ish · 02/12/2021 09:34

@makelovenotpetrol

Setting aside your specific stance

You sound so aggressive, highly strung, combative.

It’s 9.30am, make yourself a coffee

ItsALife · 02/12/2021 09:36

You're being pathetic and demanding

God I must be extremely pathetic. If my DP (not armed forces but fire service so I’m used to him ending up at the station more often than not) told me he was due home at 11 and wasn’t home with no contact the next day I’d be on the phone to his entire unit and the police.

IncompleteSenten · 02/12/2021 09:38

Normally it wouldn't bother me at all.he goes out, has a nice time, comes back when he's ready.

But if you are so ill you needed his help to get safely to the loo.
That makes a difference. It doesn't make you needy or pathetic or controlling 🙄 it makes you so unwell you need his help. You don't bugger off overnight in that situation and if he took his id but not his keys then he planned to do exactly that. Knowing that shortly before he left you needed his physical help to move.

Ooh look at me being so physically unwell I need another person's help to get to the bathroom, what a terrible person I am. FFS. 🙄

Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:38

Bored

"My dad was RCT. It was definitely part of the culture."

So he stayed out all night without telling your mum, and when you got up to go to school he wasn't there?

Hmmmm

TallulahsCurse · 02/12/2021 09:38

I can't say it would bother me. He's a grown man and if he's out with other people and something had happened to him, I'm sure someone would tell me! He's not going to just disappear off the face of the earth. I don't expect my husband to tell me when he'd be back.

Dozycuntlaters · 02/12/2021 09:39

I really don't think OP is being needy and demanding at all. It's just a matter of courtesy and respect to let your partner know you're not coming home, and I don't think that is too much to ask. There's some people on here trying to be cool, but just coming across as plain nasty.

Happy1982ish · 02/12/2021 09:40

@gannett

You don’t have children!

It is different when you do

TallulahsCurse · 02/12/2021 09:41

@Dozycuntlaters

I really don't think OP is being needy and demanding at all. It's just a matter of courtesy and respect to let your partner know you're not coming home, and I don't think that is too much to ask. There's some people on here trying to be cool, but just coming across as plain nasty.
I agree with them in all honesty.

Maybe I wouldn't phrase it as such but I agree a lot of people sound really needy on here.

De88 · 02/12/2021 09:44

How angry would I be- I'd be absolutely fuming!!

An ex used to do this to me and I'd be up the whole night worrying myself sick with various catastrophic scenarios when a simple text with "see you tomorrow morning" at least would have done the trick! Glad he's OK at least...

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 02/12/2021 09:48

Whether it's a virus or something else, I hope that this passes or that you see your GP and come up with a plan to explore what's happening, OP .

Dozycuntlaters · 02/12/2021 09:48

@TallulahsCurse do you think it's needy then to expect your partner who has said they will be on the 23.30 bus then to just let you know that they won't be home after all? I wouldn't class that as needy, just respectful to stop a night of worry and sleeplessness.

TallulahsCurse · 02/12/2021 09:49

[quote Dozycuntlaters]@TallulahsCurse do you think it's needy then to expect your partner who has said they will be on the 23.30 bus then to just let you know that they won't be home after all? I wouldn't class that as needy, just respectful to stop a night of worry and sleeplessness.[/quote]
I think it's a bit needy to set time expectations at all on adults.

Lasair · 02/12/2021 09:50

Why on earth are you getting a hard time? I’d be livid if my husband did this

Bunce1 · 02/12/2021 09:53

Jesus. People just love to Wade in!

He will be a stinky hungover mess today. That’s punishment enough…but not really.

Quick text at 11ish- it’s getting messy, I’m going to stay out and sleep here? What do you think?

Then You can say- I’m so ill still- really sorry but get a cab back later? Kids will need you in the morning.

It’s selfish. But it’s a one off. I can’t get too worked up about it.

Dozycuntlaters · 02/12/2021 09:54

@TallulahsCurse I agree one adult shouldn't give another a time/curfew but OP didn't. He told her he would be on the 23.30 bus and didn't let her know that he wouldn't be on that or in fact any bus. It's not like OP gave him a time to be home as yes that would be needy and totally unreasonable but she didn't. I'm the least needy person ever, but even I would be annoyed if my partner told me he would be home then wasn't. Not from a controlling aspect, just a concerned one.

frazzledasarock · 02/12/2021 09:55

I’d expect a message to say he’ll be out all night.

Otherwise if he’d told me he would be home soon, just ‘showing his face’ etc I’d be inclined to think he was in hospital or met an accident or something.

My DH doesn’t go out much either and way back when he did, he would get smashed as he has social anxiety and alcohol was a coping mechanism.

SpinsForGin · 02/12/2021 09:58

You don't sound needy at all OP.
It's common courtesy to tell your partner you won't be home. I'd be furious.

Atla · 02/12/2021 09:59

I don't think it's needy to expect someone to tell you they aren't coming home! Just basic respect surely so that they don't worry about you?!

I would be annoyed with DH if he told me he was coming home and then didn't (without letting me know) because I would be worrying about where the hell he was. I've no problem with nights out/staying out late/with friends.

Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 09:59

Well I guess I'm not a cool wife. because if my DP said he'd be home at a certain time and didn't arrive home and I didn't hear from him all night I'd be pretty mad about it. not because he didn't deserve a night out but because he thought it fine to leave me worrying all night if hes ok.
A text takes seconds.
Surely its common courtesy when you're in a relationship?
Not giving a shit if the other person is worrying about you is really rubbish.
If he was online at 11, he could've texted something then as that was when the bus was. Or called if too drunk to text!

I know for a fact that if I said to my DP I'd be home at 11 and hadn't turned up within say the next hour he'd be worried sick if I was ok.
I think I'm happy not being a cool wife to be honest.

And that would be without the being ill part.

I'd definitely be hammering home about sending a simple text or a call!

user0176 · 02/12/2021 10:06

Finding it utterly hilarious that a military wife who deals with deployments, exercises and unaccompanied living is being labelled as needy for being frustrated at her husband, father of their children of which they are jointly responsible for, is rolling home 12 hours later than expected.

AnkleDeep · 02/12/2021 10:06

So much venom from the sad women with partners who don't care enough about them.

More to be pitied than reviled.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 02/12/2021 10:07

If it's his first night out in 4 yrs I wouldn't get angry tbh.

Sounds like he's had to much to drink and gone back to the accommodation available to him to sleep it off. Like any sensible person would.

Not making contact isnt great but you knew roughly where he'd be so meh.

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