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Original poster

Do you ever come across someone "everyone" loves but you don't?

111 replies

QualityChecked · 27/11/2021 11:24

This is a woman in her 30s, very beautiful and very lively. Good fun, accomplished in her career, got lots of nice things to say to people.

People don't just like her, they think she's absolutely wonderful. People (men and women) are always telling me what an amazing person she is.

I find her manipulative. She can get anyone to do anything for her, hardly ever pays for a drink or a meal, agrees to go to everything but often doesn't show or leaves very early because she has some other thing on the same night.

It's just me though, everyone else seems to think it's fine for the opportunity to bask in her light. Probably I sound jealous, but it's not that, I'm just baffled why others see her so differently to I do.

OP posts:

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/11/2021 11:30

Some people are very charismatic and attractive, and people are drawn to that and admire it. These people bring something to the table that others don't, and so even if they don't contribute in the usual currency of friendship (loyalty, genuine warm liking, time spent together) that are valued because they light up any occasion.

Vanishun · 27/11/2021 11:30

Well, you said it yourself in your opening lines. She's good fun, presumably intelligent and hardworking if she's done well in her career, and kind and complimentary to people?

So yeah, you do come across as jealous, quite badly! Do you wish people praised you more?

groundcontroltomontydon · 27/11/2021 11:34

Brings to mind this

Original poster

QualityChecked · 27/11/2021 11:38

@Vanishun

Well, you said it yourself in your opening lines. She's good fun, presumably intelligent and hardworking if she's done well in her career, and kind and complimentary to people?

So yeah, you do come across as jealous, quite badly! Do you wish people praised you more?

No, I don't, I'd hate that actually.

I don't know if she is that hardworking TBH, much of it is on the back of this charisma

OP posts:

CoalTit · 27/11/2021 11:40

I knew someone like that, years ago. Such was her aura that someone even once said: "Oh, you know [name]!" as if she were famous. She seemed perfectly ordinary to me.
Then there was a misunderstanding that led her and her boyfriend to believe that she and I were competing for him, so I got to see her slightly immature side, and I could never understand the buzz around her. She went on to become a politician. (not in the UK). It's still a mystery to me.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 27/11/2021 11:41

Shes could be laying a lot of groundwork that youre not privy to, thus earning favours. Or people could just be buying into the amazingness without thinking critically. I know exactly what you mean.

Iamthemaid · 27/11/2021 11:42

You could be descrbing a narcisst

Spudina · 27/11/2021 11:44

I think it’s quite common for two different people to have different experiences with the same person, which colours the way they feel about them. I was bullied by a former colleague. I have few good things to say about her now. But other people would say she is kind and generous (which she can be when not being a total bitch!!)

Wide · 27/11/2021 11:48

I know someone like this,has to be centre of attention, loud laugh,chats to everyone and very smiley (which I wish I could be) I suppose I envy how happy she comes across but then her children are nasty and bitchy at school,something doesn't add up,smiley happy mum yet needy nasty children and this has been noted by a few people about the kids.

I think some people just have a high energy that they can keep up and it atttacts people whereas I burn out and can't keep chatting and smiling forever

bluebell34567 · 27/11/2021 11:50

i do. i can see they are manipulative.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/11/2021 11:55

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Very much this.

Making people feel good about themselves is a valued trait.

And bunking off early or not showing up isn’t necessarily a big deal if they are big events

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 27/11/2021 12:10

I don't know if everyone always loves them, I knew someone a bit back like this and she was indeed attractive, bubbly and so on, very much the Queen Bee of the group, but she did things on her own terms and only if she wanted to do them- as life had taught her everyone would rearrange their schedules or didn't demand much from her. They seemed happy to be in her orbit; I was happy to leave the group in the end as it wasn't built on anything solid at all, and no-one ever got in touch again except one lovely girl who was far too nice to be caught up in all the nonsense.

I am quite bubbly and have a lot of friends, but I don't expect everyone to like me though! Sometimes people just don't take to me or me them, I don't think that's a reasonable expectation. If my persona works for most people, great, if a few find it a bit too much or irritating, so be it. If you stick your neck out a bit, and are more of a 'character' then you won't be to everyone's taste, especially if you are female.

The Queen Bee I mentioned was doing anything wrong- she was living her life just fine, it's up to others if they want to participate in that. Very few people are liked by everyone really.

SixQuidGames · 27/11/2021 12:12

Oh yes, a former colleague. She was very pretty and vivacious and everyone thought she was amazing.

For some reason, she took a dislike to me but chose to constantly but subtlety undermine and exclude me. I approached my manager about it who said I must be imagining it because Emma was sooo lovely. Eventually, I approached her manager because her behaviour had got extremely disruptive (I.e. interrupting me and ‘correcting’ me during client presentations) and he understood immediately and even said to me that she had everyone else fooled.

Thefartingsofaofdenmarkstreet · 27/11/2021 12:13

My DH has a great spidey sense for people like this.

Everyone he dislikes that everyone else thinks is great, always turns out to be a knob in the end

Coffeetree · 27/11/2021 12:14

I know exactly what you mean OP. I've had that experience with two people specifically. Everyone fawning over a person whom I found to be very fake and manipulative (as opposed to being just naturally charismatic). I don't think it's envy really because there are other light-up-the-room types whose company I genuinely enjoy!

ICanSeeARainbow123 · 27/11/2021 12:14

I know a woman like this, very chatty and peopley etc. In truth I can see she is highly manipulative.

nannybeach · 27/11/2021 12:17

I know someone (very well,,) overweight,scruffy, lazy, sponger. Who everyone else thinks is wonderful,manages to get everything done for them,handed to them on a plate.

thelegohooverer · 27/11/2021 12:20

I suspect that you are like someone I know who can see straight through people and isn’t affected by charisma or glamour. She’s not remotely bitchy but a really good judge of character and I’ve learned to pay attention when she makes an observation. From knowing her, I’ve got better at tuning into my own first gut reaction, instead of ignoring or suppressing it.

Bollindger · 27/11/2021 12:20

I think this happens if your a people watcher and maybe a bit quieter than others, so feel no need to be part of the crowd.
It also means your don't need to impress anyone, so you can watch and smile as people compete to be part of the crowd around this person,
I know someone who never pays for a drink and just sits with a swallow or 2 in the glass till someone notices they have no drink and pays for it aong with their own round. I have no respect for this person and they know I know and it annoys them,

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 27/11/2021 12:21

You don't know what everyone else is thinking though. On Mumsnet in the Relationship section, people are always saying that everyone loves their husbands, family think they are great and the real truth of them being emotionally or physically abusive or just a bit of a shit will come as a huge shock. My guess is they are wrong and actually lots of people know that husband is a bit off, but what can they do about it?

cleocleo81 · 27/11/2021 12:23

There's a school mum like this. Everyone loves her, new parents say how nice she is at the pta meetings etc. She's popular, smiley and fun.successful in her career.

I don't like her that much, I think she's cliquey and only tells to those she wants to who she deems as popular enough. In the early days I made an effort and she made it clear she wasn't bothered, then on a night out everyone was laughing uncontrollably at a joke of hers which o didn't find funny. No- I am not jealous though, I have my own lovely group of friends. I don't loose anymore sleep over it though.

ISpyCobraKai · 27/11/2021 12:26

I'd put money on it that they feel the same way you do, but since, "everyone loves her", they pretend too

notacooldad · 27/11/2021 12:28

I know what you mean OP.
I used to work with a bloke that I liked on the surface but knew if something didnt quite go his way he would turn nasty.
Everybody loves him. He is incredibly quick witted and funny as well as good looking. These traits carried him a long way. However he was promoted way above his capabilities and was carried by his manager and also delegated a lit of tasks that he was supposed to do and got away with it on charm alone.
There are people like this everywhere. I think because I'm as old as shit I'm immune to charm and too cynical to fall for this type of person these days!

ISpyCobraKai · 27/11/2021 12:30

Actually MN has/had a prime example...

Original poster

QualityChecked · 27/11/2021 12:31

@Bollindger

I think this happens if your a people watcher and maybe a bit quieter than others, so feel no need to be part of the crowd. It also means your don't need to impress anyone, so you can watch and smile as people compete to be part of the crowd around this person, I know someone who never pays for a drink and just sits with a swallow or 2 in the glass till someone notices they have no drink and pays for it aong with their own round. I have no respect for this person and they know I know and it annoys them,

Oh. Very perceptive. That's exactly who I am.

OP posts:

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